My life...another waking day of hell!?

Question

Please help me here. I am struggling to keep alive right now. I tried to commit suicide a few months ago and those feelings are lingering and worse. First, my mother, she is driving me insanse..most negative person you would meet always convincing in her secretive ways that my husband doesnt love me, wants divorce, and is messing around. I have an autistic son 12 who has not a clue whats up but I protect him the best I can from it. My husband always thinks I cheat on him, etc. but I have done of the following. I take off hours at a time to be alone and cry to myself as I am not one to do it in public or let anyone see me like this. My hubby lost his job recent and its been stressful and he has made me juggle everything. Its hard for me as I am on disablity with advanced lupus and the pain is unreal. My group of freinds left me right when I went through the suicidal thing because one mad up a lie about me and the others believed. The one I thought would never leave me has now

my friend I thought I had left, I have done it all for her...she stayed with me when she wanted to get away from her parents since h er divorce, went through all the tears and hearbreak she had, and physically, I went and saved her 2000 dollars on the car she was going to buy, let her use my address to avoid high state taxes where her parents live, and I found her this job she started today which will pay her 20,000 year more than her former one with better hours and more potential. We alsways spent so much time together. I was there for her before she gpt divorced and lost many nights of sleep trying to cheer her and stop the tears.
Now, its my turn. I am one step away from endig it all..dont worry...I have an autistic son and would not do that to him unless my thoughts overtake me (which has happened). She met a guy john and she never calls me and talks to hm all time - it hurts. I need some1 now I am all alone. How could she leave me like this. I need her this one time.

I am at the end of my ropes and the only reason i have not killed myself tonight is my son is here at my house and he loves his mommy...dont want to hurt him but this pain is overwelming.

oooppppsss...I was trying to say I had not cheated on my husband. sorry

sorry to say...my story is true....Barry, I dont kow why you would doubt it...Im in a lot of pain right now. That hurts that you would even doubt me. but hey, you have ar right to your opinion and I respect that. I just hope others dont feel the same way. Also something I did not include is that I am ill with SLE, a tough version of lupus in a latent stage where it is actuve and killing me slowly.

Answer 1

there is so much negativity in ur letter that u must be really down. get urself counseling and deal with the way u see urself as a victim of everyone and everything. don't resent ur son for being autistic or ur friend for finding love. u need to be a t the place where its ok for u not to be ok while other people are. its not their fault that u are sick or suicidal. a good counselor will not only help u to see that but will also help u acquire the tools to cope with ur situation.

Answer 2

First of all, forget about your mother, if you have your own family to worry about, you don't need her bringing you down. Take some time away from her.
Second, you should talk to your husband. Get everything out onto the table. You don't sound like you are cheating on him, so just tell the truth. You should be each other's support right now, not just another vice.
Also, what about your son? If you are sad all of the time, that DOES have an effect on him, even if you don't see it. I know when the people around me are feeling down, so don't underestimate him just because he is a kid. Make your life better, if not for yourself, than for your son.

Answer 3

Everyone has their problems. Especially me,even I thought of suicide but I knew better than to try. Think deep into this as I have,u only get this one chance at life,can u really imagine what it would be like if u were gone? How would this effect ur son who dearly needs u and how ur husband would miss u greatly and not to mention how it would put all the weight on him? People have a funny way of acting but we really know that they love and care about us. I understand that ur going through so much but please don't give up,don't quit on ur family and friends and most importantly urself. Things can only get better. Be more optimistic..I know it's hard b/c I try to be but it takes effort. Think of good things and let that bad things ride out. If things aren't working between u and ur hubby maybe its best to seperate or divorce,his accusations are causing a great deal of stress on u which is not good at all. Anyhow...I wish u the best!

Answer 4

wow, thats rough, I only can say that my heart goes out to you, Sounds like you need to lose the husband,You would probably qualify for assistance because of your son, and try to see a doctor that may be able to prescribe something to calm your nerves a little for now. Who would love and care for your child if you took your life? Please dont ever think that way, he needs you, there is help out there, go on line and see what is available for you. Your mother sounds like she has unresolved issues from her own life, and she is trying to project that onto you. You have to tell your mom how you feel and that you really need her support right now, not her baggage. It probably would also help if you belonged to a church that could give you that extra support emotionally. I wish you luck, dont give up, your son needs you and loves you. and you wouldnt want to leave him with those 2, right? have a good day tomarrow and try and find joy in life, despite the challenges, take your son to the park and sit in the sunshine, if possible, it will help him and you to feel better.

Answer 5

Sorry to say, but you had a child... which means you need to get your s++t together, for him. Suicide is not an option.
1. Tell your mother that you don't want to see her if in her company she is going to be negative. Tell her a mother is meant to be supportive.
2. Tell your husband to grow up and to start behaving like a real man or you'll leave him.
3. Find new friends. Real friends don't back stab and gossip
and get some therapy and/or perhaps anti depressants.

Answer 6

First of all suicide is never a quick fix, not for you and especially for the people you love like your son. try to be around more positive family members. let your husband know that you need him to be their for you now more than ever and that you will get through these hard times together . god gives us one life and he puts us through test, you must prove that you can pass this on with flaying colors. what dose not hurt us will only make us stronger.

Answer 7

It's an opportunity to have some problems. Think the positive side. Humble yourself because you can't do it alone. No one is given an unsolvable problem. Have a strong faith in God. He is there waiting for your call. I know you can tackle it with God's help but not alone.

Answer 8

Stay away from your mom, sit down and talk to your husband and if he doesn't understand (I'm sorry to say) leave, and most importantly turn to God. I'm barely 18 and I can't give you much advice. I will pray for you tonight. If you haved any extra money thake a vacation.

Answer 9

Although I doubt your story, I will refrain from joking about it "just in case".

You should get help right away. Most communities have "action agencies" that can direct you to free help. Check your local phone book.

Answer 10

It will get better. Just have to change something. What? I can't tell you but it usually helps. Maybe a therapist? I hear they can give a nonjudgemental ear and that it is good. Hang in there.