please rate my essay! Supposed to be short and simple.?

Question

Q: When mothers work outside the home are the children impacted?

A: The children of a mother who works outside the home are very much impacted, in negative and positive ways. It also depends on the child’s situation. Whether the mother is single or married, if the mother is nurturing and caring or abusive and neglective. Many factors can determine how a working mother can have an impact on their child’s life.


Don't be afraid to criticize and give tips

Answer 1

So far so good. I think you should give some examples on how the children are impacted.

Answer 2

From what you've written it looks like you are outlining what might come next. Why or how does it have a positive/negative impact on a child whose mother works outside the home? What are the "many factors" that determine how the mother working impacts the child? So what if the mother is married? Single? If the mother is married and abusive and neglectful how is the impact different than if the mother is single and abusive and neglectful? Or what if the mother is married and nurturing or single and nurturing? Do you have refrerences to back up your positions?

You can keep it short and simple if you choose what point you want to make and then support it, but you really haven't said anything here.

Answer 3

It's not bad but the topic is only about the impact on children when mothers work. I don't think single or married has anything to do with the topic........even though it is tougher being single. many do it all the time. It is what you do with the time you have with them and that counts for a lot.
List the oppositions of negative and positive ...i.e. not enough time for the children, fast dinner times, not time to help with homework, etc. Then list the positive sides like spending quality time with them, what you talk about with them and the lessons in life that you teach them. A working parent is many times a good role model. It shows a strong woman and one who will sacrifice for her children. Abuse and neglect are left for any parent. Nurturing doesn't always come natural to some women. Having enough finances to provide should be an important issue also.
Your last sentence should be shortened to just state that a working mother does indeed have an impact on her children. You have already made that statement in the beginning sentence.
State the fact.......which you have and then list pros and cons and end with your closing statement. While I know it's supposed to be short, you need a little more than this.

Good luck on your essay.

Answer 4

If it's supposed 2 b short and simple, u did a very good job of summarizing. The only thing I would recommend that may need fixing is the second line. Either take it out or just elaborate a little more by giving an example or 2. The reason I say this is bcause u started talking about the mother's impact...then u briefly mention the child's situation and then the following sentence u jump right back to mom. Mayb u should start out with the second line first and use the other sentences as the situations. Hope it helps and good luck.

Answer 5

Criticism: You have said nothing, really. Try less wordy words and more informative words.

Here is my best shot.

Children of working mothers experience both negative and positive affects. The nurturing the child receives is from strangers for much of their waking hours. Mother's few hours between work and bedtime are hurried leaving too little time for one on one interaction. As the child grows, mother may wonder why the their values and morals are so different. The child is often comfortable with strangers and develops friendships easily because of the exposure to strangers from birth. But, the most important need of any child is security. This cannot be provided by anyone but his mother and father; and it cannot be regained. It takes a special parent who can work outside the home and provide the needs of a child. Too few exist.

Answer 6

It would be helpful to know what grade level you are in in order to more accurately asses the quality of the peice, however by high school standards it is abysmal. There are no examples and you don't even begin to formulate a thesis. Short and simple still requires though and effort and this displays neither.

You must take a stance, strong writing almost never qualifies, and judging by your skill level, you are not in a position to qualify. You pose many vague situations, why and how can it (what is it? always define your subject) depend on the child's situations (which situation?). Why can it depend on the marital status (this could explore gender roles and a gamut of other topics.)

Throughout the essay you only state that there are multiple factors which affect the subject and only scratch the surface as to explaining what they are. In my opinion this essay is an utter failure and it shows no capability as a writer.

Answer 7

This would be better:

"No matter what the manner of the mother is or what other factors there are, the child is impacted. It may be positive or negative impact or both. An introverted child will love the time he/she gets with him/herself. The younger lot need the care and affection of a mother to become good adults, not their money."


Note how I summed up your whole essay in two lines! You've got to learn that. Note that I gave general examples too.

Answer 8

i like the fact you came up with the positive and negative ways. this essay shows you have thought about this topic and come up with many different answers. wel done, short and sweet i say. :) oh and to the person above me, when he said married or single, it could mean that when the mother is gone the father is there, that makes a big change than having no one there.

Answer 9

Don't you think it looks like a half torn column from a newspaper.

The essay doesn't answer how, whom, why , when etc. Preventive measures are also not discussed.

Please don't take my point as derogatory. While I started reading your essay, I got interested in the topic and sadly the whole thing finished in a jiffy.

Answer 10

O_O Is that the end of the essay... and I THINK (never been really good in english) there should be a comma after "caring" and before "or". Don't blame me if it's wrong...I'm just trying to help. It's still better than what i can do hope you get a good grade or whatever it's for.