i can't move on! what should i do?

Question

3 months ago i found out that my husband's cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. ive read all their emails and saw all the phone calls on my husband's bill. husband apologizes, changed number,emails, etc. and even cursed the b*tch over the phone (the ex lives in another state, btw) so they never had sex its just a long distance relationship but still it was too much for me. i want the girl's husband to find out so she'll suffer too. i felt like she got away with it coz shes still ok with her husband after my husband dumped her and my family's the one that got affected. i want to get even but i don't know how. sometmes i just want to forget bout it but i just can't any advice?

Answer 1

u will never be able to get past this seeking revenge on her. u may think she's getting away with it, but she won't. focus on your life and marriage, and not getting even with her. when u try to get even u actually give her more power than she has. if your hubby is sorry and has done all he can to persuade her to stop give him credit for that much and ignore the home wrecker and just be thankful it ended and didn't go any farther than this.

Answer 2

well really its up to you, its over and you know how bad you hurt and even tho you want to rip her face off,,, what about him, why are u blamming her when he is more to blame then she is, she a dumb broad that fell into the lines of crap in the first place so she's already has that going for her" she's stupid" so what does that make you,, Your not a sucker so stop it and get yourself together,, Stand up, and be happy that your found out now, and can at least go on with your life without regret, you didnt cheat on him. Feeling sorry for yourself isnt gonna bring him home. And really do u want him home? Will you ever be able to trust him again, will you ever not think when he's late,, that there is someone else, or when he's not looking and u check his phone, or internet ,,??? Or redial the number after he used the house phone. I know i sound so harsh, but really! I did that once i took him back, baby once a cheat ,, always a cheat,, when your not looking, dont worry about hurting her, get out and go dancing and celebrate your new life cuz your life is changing now and damn its gotta be for the better,, cuz the worst is gone,,,,
god bless and take care
bonnie j

Answer 3

You have to address the root cause of the issues: Why your husband looked elsewhere to begin with? If you don't solve that, he will do this again but he will be better about covering his tracks next time. Personally, I've learned that once a cheat always a cheat, so I wouldn't trust him and perhaps leave him. For a betrayal like that, I'm sure it will take longer than 3 months to get over. If it makes you feel better, call her husband and have a little chat with him. After all, they hurt you. Then deal with your husband, he should be punished too. Then drop it. If you are going to stay with him, you can't keep dwelling on this, it will drive you crazy.

Answer 4

You are only going to hurt yourself to want someone else to hurt. Leave it be.
At least it wasn't an actual physical situation. Hopefully your husband has learned how much his actions have hurt you and will not repeat those actions.
Focus on making your relationship with him the best that you possibly can. Give it a chance. You will be much happier that way.
A successful marriage does not just happen - it takes a lot of work on both sides. Do your part, give it your all and talk to him about why he felt he needed to do what he did. Let him know and feel your love.......

Answer 5

I found out about a similar situation with my husband. However, I found out 10 years later!!! We have now been married almost 20 years and he is wonderful. It was hard to let go of it. Getting even just grows the hurt and doesn't let it die. What you really want to grow is your marriage and your children. One of the most important things you can give your children is a good marriage, to train them what to look for. After all they are in your house for 18 years, the son or daughter-in-law you get will probably be around longer then that. A popular women's magazine said most men divorce because they feel like failures in their marriages. Truly love keeps no record of wrongs, they are like poison to a marriage, we all know how horrible we feel to be reminded of our mistakes. Anyway I am now a grandma and very happy that grandpa is still here with me. To forget is a choice you have to make, doing it will require dwelling on the good things in your husband and your life. I always relate this to being scared as a child, so many images and scary things, I finally learned to slam the door on them so they could not even get a foothold. I know dwelling on eating will make me fat, dwelling on bitterness will make me ugly, I really try to stay away from those things.

Answer 6

My advice to you is, forget about revenge. I know that's all that you could possibly be feeling right now but it will only make things worse for you and for your husband. If you plan on trying to salvage your marriage the best thing for you both right now would be to discuss the situation calmly, and do it soon. If you feel that he isn't being honest with you, or that you are just setting yourself up for him to cheat again, then try marriage counselling. Try not to worry about the other woman and her family. Obviously things aren't as great as they seem or else she wouldn't be looking to your husband for some affection. Your husband has lost all your trust, but has moved quickly on his part to fix the problem by trying to erase her from his life. Let him do this, and try not to mention his infidelity in any unrelated fights because this may drive him to do it again.

Answer 7

Trying to get even will only cause you and your family more pain. Sure, it will be hard to forget, but you can get over it. At least no sex was involved in this long-distance relationship.

If your husband is sorry and willing, you should seek counselling. Or at least sit down, more than once, and have a good talk to one another. Try to focus on the good things you share. It could do you a world of good. You're angry right now. Allow yourself that, then get on with life.

Happiness!

Answer 8

You have a couple of choices:
a) Start making time to do the things that make you happy - without your husband. Show him that not only do you have a life of your own, but there are other people interested in you out there.
b) If you're friends with your ex, start talking to him and see how your hubby likes it.
c) Buy flowers for your husband (really yourself) and have the receipt sent to her home....

Answer 9

The only way to moe past this is to let it go. Doing anything else will only make it worse and you won't feel better by causing her harm. Just remember that the world is round and what goes around comes around. She will get hers in time. Don't sink to her level, be better than that. And make sure your husband has no reason to stray anymore. If you take it out on him, it could happen again. You truely have to forgive him and make sure you both have your needs met at home.
Good luck!

Answer 10

My ex-wife left me 7 years ago for the man she is now married to. I takes time to deal with that kind of betrayal. The best thing you can do for yourself is look into a therapy class. I found the Anger Managment classes are actually the best. They focus alot on how to handle situations on relationships. As well as the basic concept of dealing with others. Revenge always sounds best but the best you can do is finds somebody outside the box that can help YOU through YOUR emotions. Hope this is helpful for you as it was for me.

Answer 11

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