Boyfriend spends money dosen't have...deal breaker?

Question

boyfriend is having a hard time finding jobs since he has been out of jail this year (due to record) we have looked everywhere for jobs he has filled out tonss of applications. he was hooked up at a job right now earning abt 7 per hour. He struggles with rent EVERY month but still thinks he can afford to buy useless stuff which is so ANNOYING.He HAD lots of money but manage to spend it He's the type that would buy 20,000 rims and stays in an apartment on welfare(which is STUPID) im trying to be a good girlfriend staying there for him when times are hard all that good stuff but i can't see a future with him (marriage) because of his spending habits. I seriously want my kids to enjoy the good things n life instead of seeing their parents struggle, i want to afford insurance! we are both very young (im only19 hes 22) but this is just the stuff i think about. Im serious abt my "future family"( no kids at the moment) and money. Would someone's bad money habits be a deal breaker for you??

He's nnot on welfare yet but has talked about it. I have sat down with him MULTIPLE times trying to get him a bank account and when he was "balling" with all that money i tried to tell him to let me help him invest in some stocks like my ma started with me the money was gon before we could look into it,lol. We have a safe just incase i end up pregnant on accident but ...some how there's always an emergency need for the $

Answer 1

Yes. These habits don't change unless something huge changes how he acts. Outlook isn't promising.

Answer 2

Bad money habits like this are a major cause of divorce every day. Something like this seldom gets better until it gets much worse. Many times, it is to late. Some people can break bad spending habits like this but it is really hard and really takes someone wanting to and self control. He would have to be determined and maybe get some help on how to handle his finances. I would not want to have a life like this.Knowing we would always have to worry about making ends meet if we are able to pay the bills. No child should be put in a situation like this when it doesn't have to be. When two people are doing great, (plenty of money, good relationship, good jobs)and a major catastrophe happens, this is sometimes a tie breaker. Not because they don't love but because the stress is just to much. If it is bad to start, a strong relationship could never exist.If two people are doing the very best they can, both are really trying, hard times every day is not so bad. At least they are working together and really trying. They will probably make it. Hard, but they can. The way your boyfriend is going, there is no way.Not a serious relationship.

Answer 3

He's not a good planner. You're probably going to end up being the 'stable' person in the relationship. You'll be the responsible one, paying the bills, making sure that ends meet, and you'll be covering his useless spending habits. Taking his record out of the picture (because good people can make poor choices and be with the wrong crowd), you need to consider what kind of future the two of you would end up with. Do you want to be the anchor? Do you worry that if you become pregnant, you'll be alone financially/ emotionally/ etc.? Try to look at all aspects of your situation. Personally, I don't like being in relationships where I do not fully trust the partner with money matters. Try to take your heart out for a moment and let your mind take over. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

If you were my daughter, I'd do everything I could do to talk you into leaving. Your boyfriend clearly counts far too much on you to save his bacon, sweetie. That said, you have to decide how deep your love is, and don't confuse caring someone with love. Love means you both share the relationship. I care about stray dogs, but I don't love them when they clearly are only interested in being a nuisance.

If you really love him and want to see how strong this relationship could potentially be, 1) make sure you can take care of yourself, even if that means temporarily moving in with family or friends, and 2) tell him he's on his own financially for the next six months. Tell him you love him, and you are proud of him for working so hard after going through so much. Tell him you know it may not feel like it's the best thing right now, but help him visualize how awesome he will feel once he can be a man and support himself without having to lean on you. Don't make any promises, just say, "I need you to be a man, not a spoiled little boy. If you want me in your life, you'll have to prove you can be a man. I can't promise you anything at the end of the six months, but I can promise you that there is no chance of anything between us from this day forward unless you decide right now to be a man." If you feel strong enough, you can offer friendship for the next six months, but establish clear boundaries on that up front. Maybe it only means you'll take his calls when you're not busy, but nothing more than that. His reaction alone may tell you whether he truly cares enough about you to get it straight. If it means neither one of you can promise to be single during that time, that's a huge wake-up call, too. Good luck, honey.

Answer 5

If you really love him and can see a future with him (forget for a moment about his spending habits) then discuss it with him. See if it changes and if not.... move on! However, if you really can't see yourself being with him in the long-run, why waste your time. That's a lot of energy to put into a relationship if you're not even certain you want to get serious. From the sounds of things you're a very mature 19 y.o. already planning for the future. Decide whether or not he's worth the effort. If he is then I wish you the best of luck in the discussion with him. If he's not... cut your losses and move on. Either way stand your ground. You have every right to expect that a partner (granted he is actually interested in taking the relationship forward in the future?) can take care of himself....You want to be a spouse....NOT A MOMMY!

Answer 6

You know , if you pour every possible liquid into a drink, shake it up ............ do you know what you'd have ? Crap !

Dear, you've got all the ingredients here for a tiring, dismal, and bleak future. You need not bother asking yourself if it's worth it, just read your question over again.

I'm sure your man has admirable qualities; however, selecting chrome rims for the family station wagon versus, buying baby formula for your dream children is about the kind of stories you need to prepare yourself for in the future.

Go buy your self a nice pair of walking / running shoes and take a walk and just keep on going and don't look back!!

Answer 7

Uh yeah! Anyone that would rather be on welfare than pay their own way, is a drain on society. This is why people on welfare have such a bad rep....

you obviously have brains, leave the loser... you don't want to have kids with this dead beat... he's already been to jail and lives off the system while he buys rims.... yeah time to move on.... you will have nothing if you want to marry this dude....

i wouldn't marry someone like that... you are just setting yourself up for failure.


not to mention if he has trouble getting a job, then do you really wanna work 2 jobs to support the kids and lazy dead beat hubby.......

Answer 8

I would give him one opportunity, and one opportunity only. Sit down with him, discuss your concerns about his spending habits. If my guess is correct, then he will resent it and tell you it's "his business", or whatever. (Sorry hon but he sounds like the type).. but if he does listen to your concerns, and starts watching his money better, awesome. If not - don't stick around. THE DEAL IS BROKEN, in my humble opinion. Not only will this be rough on your future children, but it's going to make your life very hard as well, no matter how high of an earner you become. Can you imagine this guy squandering your hard earned money? I thought so.

Answer 9

you are much more aware than i was at your age. you also know what you want for your future. it's great that you are there for him but he is living like he's out of control. he struggles to pay the rent, yet spends money on things he can't afford. you can guarantee that you are going to be the one to hold up this relationship and for sure, you are going to struggle. you may wind up taking care of him and your future children. it will breed seething resentment and you'll wind up leaving him. better you do it now before the kids come into the picture. you want someone who is sober minded, fiscally responsible and level headed, not someone who should be living at home with mom and dad. girl, listen to the little voice. how i wished i had listened. it's screaming. you can't go wrong. let him go. if he loves you and if he loves himself, he will straighten up. again, you see all the signs. heed them. don't second guess yourself. you are definitely on the right track. you answered your own questions. you know what to do... i wish you the best

Answer 10

Well, he's not going to change unless something big happens in his life to change him, and it's obviously going to have to be VERY big, since jail didn't do it.

I'd suggest if you don't want to spend the rest of your life fighting over money issues with this guy, that you dump him. He's a loser who can't get a job, and doesn't know how to budget his money. Money issues are the #1 reason people divorce.

Answer 11

You are wise to be posing these questions. It requires a certain maturity level to recognize that saving money is important. The two of you just aren't on the same page. If you really love this guy, try issuing a spending limit ultimatum. If he doesn't value you enough to comply, it is time for you to move on to greener pastures.

Good luck