my mom smokes ALOT?

Question

like almost 3 packs a day...i have sat down and begged her to stop iv told her how dangerous it is..i told her that shes nto only killing herself but shes killing me and she comes up with the why dont u move out then remarks??im 16 where am i going to go...and then when i tell her shes killing herself shes says....well im going to die of something one day..i cant convince her no matter what i do..shes got a bad cough and she has numberous health problems plus shes had pehhmonina(sp?) like 3 times in 5 years...plus my grandmaw is in her last days of battle with lung cancer she smoked for 40 years and now shes dieing..and yet my mom still smokes...i get so pi$$ed i just dont no what to do..when im in the car with her she smokes in everywhere she goes shes smoke..iv sat down and seriously talked to her...and now im just angrey my sisters haveing a baby and she even plans to smoke with him in the house...what can i do please help me here

Answer 1

Honey, your mom is addicted to nicotine- that's why she smokes so much. Nicotine is as dangerous in it's own way as alcohol or cocaine, or any other drug you can think of. Your nagging at her to quit smoking is doing you and her no good at all, because the more you nag, the more she will resist you. Addicts must WANT HELP and WANT to stop the addictive behavior before any treatment will work- otherwise, it's just a waste of time and resources. If you doubt the truth of this, just ask any staff member at a drug treatment facility, such as a hospital, about it. They will tell you the same thing I just did, particularly if they are a physician. YOU can't force your mom or your grandmother to change, no matter how much you might wish to.

As for your sister, if she is old enough to be married and pregnant, she needs to be left alone to make her own decision about how to raise her baby. I am sure her doctors have told her to quit smoking, and she has undoubtedly been offered medical help to do this, because smoking leads to low birth weights and problems in the newborn, but she must make her own choice because it is her body. About the only thing you can do, as painful as this is, is watch and wait, and be there for her when your nephew develops asthma, or he becomes a victim of SIDS ( sudden infant death syndrome) and she's grieving the loss of her child.

What about your dad, honey? Where is he in all this? Have you told him what your mom has been saying to you about moving out? Does he smoke? If not, perhaps you can go live with him. Do you have other relatives, such as an uncle or aunt, who aren't smokers, that you can look to for help? You are right when you say your mom is killing herself and and endangering your health- but telling her that isn't solving anything. It may take your moving out and leaving to make your mom wake up and realize what she's doing and how wrong and selfish it is. Eventually, your mom will need help- more help than you can give her, and you are right to be concerned about your own future. I would talk to your dad and ask about going to live with him for a while- and if that is not an option, check around and see if there are other relatives who don't smoke which you can live with or stay with. If push comes to shove, you can also ask one of your friends if you can stay with her. The point is to get yourself away from your mom and sister, and concentrate on your own health and well being for a change. Once they see you doing things which are healthy, who knows, they might actually get motivated to try to change their own lives.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Your Mom is an adult, and she isn't doing anything illegal. The most you have a right to do is to ask her to not smoke around you (if she does, which I doubt or you would likely have mentioned it), because you don't want to inhale the smoke. You have a right to insist on this, in fact. Other than that, there's really not much you can do. Pressure does not help a smoker quit. Support when they have decided they want to try does. Pressure increases their stress level, and smokers use nicotine to reduce stress. Therefore, harping to her about your concerns and the dangers will only make her need another cigarette. She is NOT going to quit because someone else told her to. She is only going to quit because she has decided it herself. She is already aware of your feelings on the matter, you have made that clear. And unless she's a complete idiot, she already understands the dangers. What I suggest is that you sit her down in a caring and nonconfrontational manner, and tell her your concerns about your own health by being exposed (if you are), and your concerns about her health and longevity. Tell her that if she is ever ready to quit, you will do everything you can to support and help her. Don't be pushy or try to tell her what to do. Simply let her know that you are there for her and you care. Once you have done this, DROP IT, and leave her be. Let her make her own decisions on this without being badgered by people she loves.

Answer 3

Well, at 16 in most states you can,t move out because your mom would call you a runaway. If your serious about moving out you could get emancipated which is were you become an adult and can live on your own. Maybe that would give her a dose of reality. I doubt that that would wake her up though, some people are just selfish!
In two or three years go off to college and when she comes to visit don't let her smoke in your house, if she protests tell her it's your house your rules.
As for your sister she needs to do what is best for the baby.

Answer 4

First of all, I'm a smoker. But I don't think it's right to smoke around children or well other non-smokers, I always go outside.

But I do understand a little bit where your mom is coming from Smoking is an addiction, a really bad addiction. Some say we 'choose' to smoke, but after a while of being addicted it's no longer a choice, it's a need.

We know it's bad for us, we know it can kill us. And still it's so incredibly hard to quit. Do you know what makes it worse? When people nag, nag, nag and complain complain complain that you HAVE to quit for them. It's the one thing that makes me NOT want to quit. I mean, in my mind just getting in the car in the morning could get me killed just as well, eating junkfood can kill you too (obesity is close to becoming international #1 killer). We'll go in defensive mode big time. (At least I do.)

Have you tried any other approaches to helping her out? Being more positive and reinforcing instead of calling her stupid and mean?

About your own health, you can't make her stop for you or make her go outside for you. Some extreme measures maybe. Roll down a window in the car or tell her to stop and get out (if you know you can find your way home without her). Get out of the house every time she smokes, maybe even find a relative to stay with for a while?

As for your sister. She should move out if she doesnt want anyone smoking around her child. Your mother is right about one thing, her house, her rules.

Just to make sure, I don't agree with your mother behaving the way she does, but I can understand.

Answer 5

First off, to the "smokers are selfish" comment:
I used to smoke and I quit.
It's not easy, but I quit because I knew how much my best friend hated that I smoked.

I never smoked around non-smokers and was sure not to come back inside until I was sure that the smell had gone away.



Now, both my parents and older brothers smoked when I was kid (and my parents still do).
Unfortunately, if they decide to smoke...they're going to smoke. Long-term smokers HATE being told or hearing how smoking is bad for them and that they should quit.

If you don't smoke, they automatically think you don't know what you're talking about.
And if you USED to smoke, then you're being self-righteous
(this is what I've actually had told to my face... T.T )



The best you can do is express how it hurts to see your mom smoke (especially now that you're seeing your grandma die from basically the same thing).
Maybe you can get more of your family together for an intervention? Get together with people who also want her to quit so you can all express your feelings and concerns.

She'll more than likely be upset and feel like she's being ganged up on...and she is. But this is obviously causing harm to those around her, both emotionally and physically.

Your sister should help, especially if this concerns her soon-to-be-born baby.




Good luck.

Answer 6

I had the same prob with my mum... she even got up in the middle of the night several times to have a cigarette! She used to drink alot too. Luckily for us though she just went cold turkey one day on both matters.
Anyways, that doesn't help at all and I honestly don't know what you can do.
You could try taking a positive approach, rather than telling she has to stop tell her you can beat it together... you'll help her etc.
I would also make a point of going elsewhere when she smokes. Don't get in the car with her if you don't have to. If she enjos spending time with you she will have to at least cut down.

Good luck... I do know how you feel

Answer 7

That is mean for a mother to say start crying super hard and DO NOT STOP and hide all of her cigarettes and buy cigarette bombs and put them in there until she stops and tear the cigarettes up and she is wasting money and life, And that sucks how your sister want to smoke around her kid that is super mean, Has she learned anything? Smokers are gross (no offense) but I have to admit the truth. Really try it. I am glad you are aware of it and hopefully that will be one less person who dies of Lung cancer. I would never be nice to my mom unless she stopped smoking.

I am super sorry.
Good Luck

Answer 8

Honestly, at 16 there's not a whole lot you can do. If she starts smoking in the car with you roll the window down. If she complains that it's too cold, tell her you can't breathe. Most of my family smoked a lot, and I'm allergic to cigarette smoke, so it was tense a lot of times between us.

You can't make someone change, they have to want it for themselves. Do what you can for now. Leave the room when she lights up, roll down the window, Febreez (sp?) the heck out of everything you own and never light up yourself.

Answer 9

Wow! This is crazy - I think you mean that your mom plans to smoke around your sisters baby when he is born. But it sounds like you don't have your sisters help on this or your sister doesn't know. Maybe I've got it wrong and you mean that our sister is going to smoke with the baby?? You need to make it known to both whatever the situation is that this is a huge contributer to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Aside from this ...it's waaaaayyy uncool that you've asked you Mom to please not smoke around you and she has no feelings for your request. Have you ever seen her in a situation where an adult (not that your not) has asked her please put her cig. out and she did? Not in a public place by a stranger but by someone she knows that doesn't like it....does she have respect for anyone? If so, you need to give your Mom that example. Say, "Hey, how come when Shelly asks you to put out your cig. or move your cig. away, you do, but when I ask you, you just ignore me. Try to make her realize that your not just a kid that is trying to tell her how to act, you just want some respect also. It sounds like her habit is extreme. I don't know how she can afford it health wise or financially. Stand firm on this, maybe just with a new approach. When you "get on her case" don't make it about cigarettes, make it about her health and how your worried about her cough...etc...Next time she's not feeling well just help her with her medicine and throw in a few jabs about how bad she must feel and you really hope her cough gets better. Your Mom sounds to be in depression and denial. Telling her something not to do straight out and how bad it is only makes it worse. People in this state don't want to hear negative things. You have to give her reasons to make her "think" about it on her own. "Wow, your cough is bad, I hope it gets better", stuff like that. Good luck! And sorry about your Grandma.

Answer 10

sadly parents are selfish when they do it apart form asking her to smoke outside there is not much you can do sorry. I hate the fact that ppl smoke around kids it is so wrong. maybe your sister needs to moveout and make it a none smoking house