Ok, well my now fiance and I got engaged last Friday. We kept it to ourselves for the most part, for the first few days. We told just a few very close friends. Well its been 5 days and this is something extremely exciting for me, I wanted to tell the ppl I care about you know? So I kept asking my fiance, hey, when are you gonna tell your parents and my dad? And we just never had the right moment honestly. So tonight I said Brad, I really want to tell everyone. And he said ok, just do it. So I posted a bulletin on my myspace. My myspace is ONLY ppl I personally know! Well his sister saw it and called his mom, and his mom is freaking out. She was screaming crying, etc. I mean, shes upset that he didnt tell her before we got engaged. But thats our decision. Its not like we went out and got married. The wedding is well over a year away! Should we feel guilty? I mean its our choice to be engaged or not, it was going to happen anyway, talking to them or not. I feel so miserable now Should I?
2007-12-04 16:34:06 · 18 answers · asked by Mary 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He should call his mom and talk to her. It'll stink for a bit but she'll probably get over it, especially once the wedding gets closer.
2007-12-04 16:38:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe not miserable, but it's a helluva way for parents to find out. In the long run, this is more a a major family event than anything else. Think Christmas, grandkids, 20 years from now...
Saying she should have known BEFORE you got engaged is going too far, though. But do apologize profusely, life is too long to start your family life with everyone bitter. The worst you are guilty of at this point is thougtlessness, and frankly, Brad is the guiltier party re his own mother.
2007-12-04 16:51:22 · answer #2 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, don't feel guilty. It's your life. i got engaged on the spur of the moment almost and neither of our parents were expecting it. I didn't tell my dad and he basically found out at the same time everyone else did. I know it hurt him, but if I had told him my plans before that I knew it would just lead to an argument ("Doing what? no you're NOT!!) and emotional upset for me because I am a grown up and he tries to treat me like baby still, so I just avoided it. He's hard to tell these things to (his parents, especially) were a little leery that all of the sudden he was marrying me, whom up until then, they didn't know much about at all. i think they even thought he had gotten me pregnant. But over time they mellowed out, after they saw that we were for real and committed to making it work. Those people who overreacted will be ok, given time. Good luck, and congratulations!
2007-12-04 17:11:08 · answer #3 · answered by Kanji 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can only feel guilty if you want to feel guilt. It's the pressure others put on you to feel a certain way. Guilt is a stupid emotion that others put on us. Whatever your reasons you did what you did, it can't be changed. Guilt is wasted.
Move on, and they need to get over it.
The only thing to do is tell them all you wanted to keep it private for a bit to savour it. It seemed easier to announce it on the web like a 21century couple. The mothers will get over it. Don't make a big deal of it.
Bestt wishes.
Read John Gottman The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. And read it every year during your anniversary week.
2007-12-04 16:39:43 · answer #4 · answered by teritaur 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would not feel guilty about not telling her first. I do think that they should have been told personally and not have found out that way. Do not feel miserable. Just tell them that you did not mean to offend anyone but you did not think that anyone else needed to know before you did. They will get over it.
2007-12-04 20:06:56 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, neither one of you should feel guilty. However, the very night you posted the announcement on "myspace", he should have either made a phone call to his mother or gone to see her in person to tell her the news. It was a bit harsh for her to find out through "the-grape-vine".
2007-12-04 16:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal LeeAnn 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the way you went about 'telling' everyone was very immature. I think the parents should be the first to hear the news. My hubby and I rung them FIRST. You won't understand till u have kids and they do that to you.... in the mean time try to imagine the slap in the face. It just shows u r both very young.
2007-12-04 16:53:52 · answer #7 · answered by Renesme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should feel guilty for posting it on myspace. That is not a proper forum to share to the world before sharing it with your immediate family. It was a bit inconsiderate of you.
As soon as my fiance proposed to me, he called his family and I called mine. They knew he was going to propose, but not when. So, yes, you should feel bad-about how you went about it, but not about getting engaged.
2007-12-04 16:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mum and dad ought to be the 1st to income after the engagment. yet his mom sounds like a drama queen. I see no rationalization why she ought to have been informed till now you became engaged. this is between the two one in each of you. She sounds like she could be somewhat controlling too. You had greater desirable initiate off proper with this one and not supply in to her while she needs her way. the two way don't sense in charge. it may relatively be no enormous deal so do no longer permit all people turn it into one.
2016-10-19 05:36:08 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is apologize , explain why you didn't want to tell everyone and try to include her as much as possible in the rest of the plans. Believe me, this is not the only thing you will do to upset the in-laws.
2007-12-04 17:18:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋