i dont think its right and it gets under my selfesteem really badly(being kinda fluffy myself). he says its not that big of a deal and im making a mt over a mole hill and basically defends this crap to the end and yet its not that big of a deal. is it normal? should i just get over it? i really dont think its health and his big thing is the net... if it was vidio i dont think it would be such a problem but the net is too easy and is a "couple of times a week" type thing. ive herd ppl get hooked and become preditors. i dont get it and im ready for an enullment cuase if its not that big of a deal and he fights that much for it then where on the list does that leave me?
2007-12-04 15:08:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I never really watched tons of porn, not all at once, anyway. I'd rather use my imagination if I need to self-satisfy. :-)
And I do agree that if you watch too much you become desensitized to it, and need more and more extreme stuff to get off. However, you have only been married two months, so it can't be that bad yet.
2007-12-04 15:29:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you already told him that you're okay with him looking at video but less okay with him doing it on the Net? Because if this is the case, then I'd think that he wouldn't have a problem with your alternate solution. If he says he's embarrassed to go buy porno, then you could offer to buy it for him. Encourage him to watch it with you and have sex with him while he watches it.
In every marriage you need compromise. If he's not willing to compromise this one thing when you've offered him a very kind alternative, then I don't know what to tell you. I wouldn't get an enullment over this--I would seek counseling first. Did he do this before you got married and he agreed to stop? Or did you know he did it and just assume that he would stop as soon as you guys married? Would your self-esteem suffer less if he were to look at the same types of things on video?
2007-12-04 18:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow guys stop getting on her about this. It isn't right. How is it that many men function in life without being addicted to porn? Your relationship is between you and your spouse. It is also basic psychology that the more they continue to watch porn, the less satisfied they are with their spouses. No one actually sounds the way porn does! So maybe have a sit down with him and say hey this is really bugging me. Ask him if he would rather just not be together. To alot of people out there it isn't a big deal but if you are not comfortable with it, don't put up with it.
2007-12-04 17:08:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use of porn to enhance fantasy can actually heighten your desire for a partner. Of course it can interfere with RL relationships if it becomes an obsession and replaces your need for a partner. So it just depends on what use your husband is making of Internet porn. Is he looking at pictures, or does he have 'cyber' friends.
If someone engages in the use of video cams to contact others for sexual chats etc. then it's cheating. It isn't really much different than having a RL affair. If your husband is doing that you have every right to be upset, and you both need to sit down and discuss it.
If he just looks at pictures then you may be over-reacting. It would be nice if he was more concerned for your feelings, but men like porn and he may not want to give it up. If he refuses to stop you will have to come to terms with it or move on.
2007-12-04 15:21:24 · answer #4 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You've got a problem. You need to communicate your needs to him. He doesn't understand. You should be more important to him than porn. Porn can enhance or hurt a relationship. Yours is definitely hurt. Talk with him. If he won't listen, then you will just continue to hurt. Try to find out how you can better meet his needs as well. Try to find out why he's going to the porn. He may be under stress that you don't know about. Men too can retreat under stress. He probably hasn't learned how to confide in you yet.
You are both in a new environment. Please be forgiving as you both learn how to be the spouse your spouse needs...really and truly needs.
2007-12-04 15:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, what's the problem? You can't handle the first obstacle thrown your way and you're ready to just throw in the towel? What does that say about you? More importantly, what does that say about your love? Feeble? I understand that you didn't expect this whole porn issue to arise but a guy watching porn is completely normal. If it's an obsession then it may be a problem. But your insecurities have nothing to do with him watching porn. He doesn't sit at the computer and think to himself.... my wife is fat and ugly so i'm gonna watch porn. He sits there and says to himself.... humm...... NAKED WOMEN whoopie! That's it. He's not trying to hurt you by doing it. Maybe spice up the sex life in exchange for him cutting back on the amount of time watching porn? This way both of you benefit.
2007-12-04 15:24:04 · answer #6 · answered by Holly 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You cannot get him to stop.As far as your self-esteem it has nothing to do with you. I am overweight and discovered my husband (now my ex) had porn. I thought it was because I was fat. However, I also discovered porn pictures of fat women. Nothing you can do...it is no reflection on you. You have to decide if you are going to live with a guy like that or get out. It won't change.
2007-12-04 16:08:32 · answer #7 · answered by The Ghost of Shasta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about you stage your own, where you are the star, in the kitchen.... then if he continues to look at porn you know that there's only 2 things it could be....1. He is a sex freak or 2. you just don't do it for him and he has to get pleasure form somewhere else.
2007-12-04 15:25:15 · answer #8 · answered by Hilary B 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stop freaking out about the porn. Would you rather have him at a strip club, live and in person?? Men are visual creatures, and unless your prepared to clean the house nude, let it go. If he's looking at porn and neglecting you, then maybe it's a problem, but if it's not the case, give him an hour or two a day for "porn time". Porn is not the enemy, trust me!!
2007-12-04 15:16:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
You are going to go through many phases in the course of your marriage, and this is just one of them. It has been my experience, that the more that you fuss about it, the more he's going to want to do it. Just act like it doesn't bother you, and eventually, he will get bored with it. A guy watching porno is not a down play on you, or his attraction for you. So don't let this get you down or cause you to have low self esteem.
2007-12-04 15:15:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋