okay maybe i might be jealous but the problem is that -to me-is that he still has feelings for his ex, and that everytime he talks about her he sounds so bitter..like he can't let go okay, so they were together for 5yrs. it's not there's any ties that are binding him to her. WE have kids together! he's been so mean to me since he's came back from deployment i'm trying to let him adjust to being back but damn it seems like we can't move on from HER
2007-12-04 15:07:49 · 10 answers · asked by Lashelle H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let him relax for a bit if this is still happening in 2months time then post another question... he loves you so maybe the only way for him to stop talking about her is for you to stop asking questions
2007-12-04 15:25:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know for a fact that he still has feelings for his ex, or is it just that you are assuming he does? If he has admitted he has feelings for his ex still, see a marriage counselor (if you're married of course), if you are just dating him..there is still counseling, and then also the option of just leaving him, but since you have children together that could be very difficult. The point is...you need to talk to HIM about this not people here. You need to find out if he really does have feelings for her still, and if HE is the one bringing her up, you need to find out why he is. And if he continues to bring her up, then just don't make any comment about what he is saying, or pay any attention to it. If YOU are the one bringing her up..then stop doing that.
As for him being mean to you since coming home, that more than likely has nothing to do with you. It sounds like he probably has PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), and should seek counseling for that as soon as possible. In the meantime, just talk to him about these exgirlfriend issues, and then after that just leave it be for a while, show him you love him, and that you are there for him, do some things that you know he enjoys and just let him get used to life back stateside again.
Also you might want to do some research on ptsd.
2007-12-04 23:38:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just got back from a deployment? Why not show him you love him and send him on a weekend trip with some of his guy friends. He's been through hell, literally. This weekend away will not only show him that you are concerned and are willing to allow him time to adjust and get back to real life.... but he'll adore you for understanding that he needs a bit of time to wind down. As for the ex issue.... he married you. You have his kids. And he isn't saying "damn I miss my ex" instead he's "bitter" about her? I would try to focus less on the ex because she apparently wasn't his choice. If you don't let it go you will likely push him away. Try the weekend thing i'm telling you he will love the fact that you're so caring as to offer, even if he doesn't take you up on the offer. And if he does.... wait til he gets back and tell him it's your turn!
2007-12-04 23:33:58 · answer #3 · answered by Holly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, i really did not see anything about her being a problem here. you mention her, but you have not said how she has been a problem.
i maybe wrong, but you seem to be using her as a scapegoat for all the problems in your relationship and i normally don't support the the ex or other woman, but i do not think she is the main source of your problem.
your husband needs counseling to help him cope with the stress of being overseas. him being mean to you is a side affect of dealing with war and death. their are many articles and medical journals that support this claim.
if you love your husband try to get the intervention he needs because it is only going to get worse if you ignore it. it is easy to blame her, but she is not the problem. the b i t ch you have a problem with is WAR.
good luck, and be safe. if he should escalate, i admonish you to seek a safe place for you and your children.
2007-12-04 23:26:10 · answer #4 · answered by karMA_DAME 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you are the one with the issue. why is she even brought up? do you think maybe its your preoccupation with her? maybe he DOES have bitterness towards her and expresses it. thats no biggie. what would be a problem is if he expresses bitterness toyou about her then all nicey nice to her face. but it doesnt sound like that is the issue.
try NOT talking about her at all. if they have kids, talk about the kids. and try not to think of her either.
as far as him coming home, im sure there is a big adjustment to him. give him time and encouragement. it will take awhile
2007-12-04 23:23:26 · answer #5 · answered by Dawni T 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well he married her for a reason and even though you have kids together it sound like he still loves and he problem always will. He will never have another first wife. You need to either let this go or let him go.
2007-12-04 23:13:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Some pain never goes away, but it's not fair for him to take his anger out on you. He must not have had any closure on his past relationship, and it was long-term.
2007-12-04 23:25:31 · answer #7 · answered by DumBlonD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that jealousy is only fear.
If you cannot let go of your fear and find trust, then it is time to make some decisions.
Good luck.
2007-12-04 23:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
awwww.....bite your tongue and vent to your mom and your sisters and your girlfriends......it's been hard on him to be deployed, not that it hasn't been hard on you as well, we know it has been; but it is different having to take care of kids by yourself and live your life in America alone...then it is to be in Iraq or Iran or Afghanistan fighting, on edge, scared.....he will come around.......relax...take a deep breath, be happy he's alive...and he's yours......
2007-12-04 23:13:31 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
then you move on from HIM
2007-12-04 23:12:32 · answer #10 · answered by Babe 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋