I've ruined my social life. How can I fix it?

Question

Okay, this is a long story. But here goes: So my family is incredibly nosy. I mean seriously. I'm a private person. I like my social life to be private. I clash with my whole family. For example, I got a ride home with someone and my mom was waiting at the door and the minute I walked in, I got bombarded with these questions: "Who was that? Where are they from? How do you know them? What grade are they in? Are they a good driver? How long have you know them?" etc, etc, etc. Well, this really irritates me. And it's been like this for years. It's gotten so bad that six years ago was the last time I had a friend come over. Since I never had my friends come to my house, they all assumed that I didn't want to be friends anymore so they stopped talking to me. Now I have no close friends. I have a few, but none that I feel totally comfortable around. My best friend thinks I'm anti-social so she won't ever ask me to hang out with her and she doesn't invite me to be with her

and her friends. My family’s nosiness has pretty much ruined my social life. How can I get it back? Right now I’m scared to have friends because they’ll want to come over and they’ll have to go through an interview process. I’m also scared to date because I’m sure my family will tease me for going on one when I get home. My family trusts my judgment, so they’re not nosy for my benefit; they’re just more interested in my life than their own. I really can’t handle it anymore. I want friends. I want to have something to do when I’m bored. How can I change my image from a snob to someone who wants to have friends? And how can I avoid my family? Thanks.

Answer 1

Explain it to your friends, and invite them over once or twice. Tell them ahead of time that they will be grilled by your family. Then they can tell the rest of your friends. If they don't mind the questions, fine - invite them over.

Also - talk to your parents about it. I'm a parent, and I don't mind this sort of thing from my son. Tell them the reason that you don't invite people over, and ask them to stop the questions. It may work, it may not. But if they don't stop, you're no worse off than if you never asked.

Answer 2

So..you are an introvert. This is normal. You collect your thoughts privately. You may even reenergize yourself by doing something alone. An extravert will be just the opposite. Your true friends will respect this part of your personallity. Your family...well...some day they might be all you have. Your parents love you unconditionally. This can never be replaced. I am sure your mother knows you well. If I was your mother, I would ask who you are with as well. She has every right! Listening to her all of the time is a challenge and could become or seem controlling. Do you share your life with your mother? Myabe you are too secretivea bout where you are and what you are doing. I am not sure how old you are, but once you eran your way out of the house (live on your own) your parents have every right to know where you are and who you are with...sorry. I remember, oh so well, how nagging bothered me! YUCK...more motivation to move out. Until you do, you will have to put up with questions from mom or include her into your life more often.

Answer 3

Actually what you may consider an invasion of your privacy sounds more like a family that really cares about you and who you are bringing into their home! I'll bet that parents like yours would be a hit with your TRUE friends because they show a real interest in you and what is going on in your life and with your friends. If you invite your friends in and your parents get to them better, your parents may ease up a bit on all the questions.(My mom used to ask guys that took me on dates what church they went to! I was like MOM.. I'M NOT MARRYING HIM.. WE ARE JUST GOING BOWLING!!) but as time went on I understood why she was being so "nosy" and I'm glad she was because the guys that couldn't stand up to her questions usually turned out to be guys that were players or worse! (maybe like your "best freind"?) P.S. If you are 18 and living at home you really need to honor your parents rules etc, other wise get your own place and set your own rules.. Good luck

Answer 4

Just tell your friends your parents are assholes and if they don't want to go through a screening process it'd be a good idea that you guys hang out at their house or somewhere public. Tell your parents how you feel about them totally controlling your social life and see if they'll tone it down a notch. If not, run away and move to Hawaii. Just like Johnny Tsunami, it worked out fine for him.

Answer 5

surprisingly you're not alone on this one, even though you probably feel like you are. A LOT of parents are like that, its sorta their job. the best thing to do is explain to your parents that you don't like when they do that to you. but even when they don't stop that shouldn't stop you from having a social life. you don't need to hang out with people at your house, and even if they do come let them meet your parents. i mean they came over to hang with you NOT your parents..so it wont bother them if they are true friends.
Good Luck

Answer 6

Go right now, find your mother and give her a big hug and thank her for caring for you! If only more teens today had parents like yours, there would be less violence, drugs, and crimes. I am serious, go thank her and then thank God for her. You have no complaints, just blessings. Too bad you can't see them. You will in time, I am sure.

Answer 7

Invite your friends over.Once they get the third degree they will never ask you to go to your place again.
Explain what they are going to go through before they show up because if you don't they will wonder why you didn't warn them.
Then you'll loose friends.

Answer 8

Maybe it's a cultural thing? Tell your friends to watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"....That's how my family is. I know what your going through- It's tough.

Answer 9

if they are your real friends, you should be able to tell them, and they should understand.

Warn them and then invite them over.

Answer 10

saw your mail posted some where. Mail me ane i will think and mail back.

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