Is is appropriate for a 19 year old man to date a 17 year old girl who's still in high school? This guy is no longer in school & asks out your 17 year old daughter. Are you okay with this...or are you uncomfortable? What do you think of a 19 year old that wants to date a girl still in high school ? They haven't met before now, so it's not a sweetheart thing.
2007-12-04 14:56:05 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Okay...it's like this:
She's sitting in the library, he walks by her and drops a note on the shelf next to her that says "Hi my name is *****. I would like for you to walk around the library with me, so please read this and walk with me. I would like to take you out sometime. " Never seen him or met him before....wasn't even in the library that long. She was wearing her High School jersey... So, is he a creep or what?
2007-12-04 15:10:16 · update #1
Thanks for all of your candid responses! Even though I really wanted to hear from other parents (Thanks, Wyatt & Lexi, your remark about 2 different worlds really resonated!) your input was helpful.
Thanks, Ana, you sound ages older and wiser than your 16....Thanks for the link, Bast.....As for my daughter, she's not interested. She said he's too weird. I do trust her and allow her to make decisions....I was just having a momfreak & needed someone else's take on the situation.
2007-12-06 14:31:41 · update #2
By February next year, I'll be 17 years old and my boyfriend will be 19 the week after, although we've been together 2 years.
The truth is, your daughter is 17 years old, almost 18. She is now a woman, and becoming more and more mature of mind. Though she is not completely done growing up, its time to start letting go of the sentiment that she is a little girl. I think that if this young man is honest, kind, and authentic then you shouldn't be any more worried than you would be if he was 17 or 18. Trust your daughter to make smart decisions. If you hold her back or chastise her for going on a date with this guy, then she might build up a resentment towards you and make stupid choices just to spite you.
Because of the fact that your daughter is growing up and blossoming into the woman she will become, my suggestion is to give her more freedom and wiggle room. Let her date this guy, get to know him yourself, and form a relationship with him. By doing this, you actually gain a lot more control. You are able to gauge this young man's behaviors in your presence and you would be able to speak freely with your daughter about him. If keep your daughter from seeing him, she might find ways to get around you, to sneak out to meet him, and worst of all she wouldn't trust you to talk with about him, or any other guy she might form a relationship in the future.
It goes both ways really. If you open doors for your daughter and trust her, she in turn will open doors for you and let her be an active part of her romantic life. Hey, you're a skeptic, and in my heart of hearts I know that when I become a mother I will be very skeptical and wary of boys that take interest of my daughter. But I have faith that whoever my future daughter chooses to be with, that she will use the moral compass that I gave her to make the choices that are best for her.
This question resonates with me, because I am dishonest with my mother about my relationship. My mother viciously attacked my boyfriend as soon as she found out about him, going as far as calling the FBI and reporting him as a terrorist simply because he is Turkish and Muslim (which I find horribly offensive and sickening, I had no clue my mother was so racist). It rips my heart out to hide things from my mother, but what I have with my boyfriend is something very special and I sense that, and I'm not willing to let it go. When I finally turn 18 and am able to do as I wish without her legally being able to interfere, I will be honest with her. But she burned her bridge in this case, and it is very, very unfortunate that things have to be the way they are. I feel like I'm betraying my mother, but in a sense she betrayed me as well by not having faith in my judgement. My boyfriend has helped me get over a lot of the emotional baggage that came with being an abused child, he helps me with school work, he keeps a smile on my face, and he works damn hard for me as well. I know that he loves me deeply and I wish that my mother would have given him the chance to show her that.
In reference to your 'additional details': You really can't know if he's a creep until you actually meet him. It might turn out that he is really kind and has a genuine interest in your daughter.
As a grown, experienced mother and woman, you are definitely a good judge of character by now, and your job here is to make sure that above all, your daughter would be safe, happy, and productive with this young man as a part of her life. Just keep in mind that this guy isn't just the number 19, he's someone's son, maybe even someone's brother. My older brother is 29 and he has been with his 22 year old girlfriend for over 4 years now. I know that her mother was probably a skeptic, but my brother is a great, great guy, and they know that now.
But by all means if you meet him and he's a scumbag kick him to the curb!
2007-12-04 15:09:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 12⤊ 0⤋
Being a 17 year old girl myself, I'm currently dating a 19 year old. I've known him for over a year but we've only been dating for a few weeks. I'm from the UK so its not really seen a something wrong here. But in America I guess its a different story. If your daughter is happy then I'd leave them be, see how it goes for them. Its only a 2 year difference so nothing immense - I hope this helps, but yeah, she's basically an adult now so I'd just let her get on with it. My parents are 3 years apart age wise - so its nothing to be worried about
2016-06-07 01:53:03 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a parent, but I see no problem with it. At 17 she probably knows 19 year olds from previous years in high school so it doesn't seem that big of a deal. When I was 17 I started dating my boyfriend who was 20 at the time, a few months later he turned 21 and myself 18.
I knew my boyfriend as a friend before going out with him though, the same with my parents. If you aren't comfortable with them dating while they still don't know each other maybe try getting to know him first. Tell her to invite him over to your house so you know what kind of guy he is and those sort of things.
2007-12-04 15:45:17 · answer #3 · answered by mtoWCS09 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
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Parents of daughters! 19 year old dating a 17 year old ?
Is is appropriate for a 19 year old man to date a 17 year old girl who's still in high school? This guy is no longer in school & asks out your 17 year old daughter. Are you okay with this...or are you uncomfortable? What do you think of a 19 year old that wants to date a girl still in high...
2015-08-06 20:37:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Look I'm not a parent but I was 17 when I started dating at 21 year old. We started dating in Feb I turned 17 exactly 2 months and 13 days before our first date. And he turned 22 in April. And we met talked for a little while and then dated.
My parents met him roughly a week before we had our first date. They asked him all the question they wanted to and just got to know what he was kinda like. They said he seemed like a nice person and he'd been raised by his grandparents and he really knew how to treat me right. Plus he wasn't afraid to share everything about his life with them. Like the fact that he was a virgin, didn't smoke, never been arrested, drank occasionally. But after we started going together he quite that. He had his one place and so on and so forth. Basically his life was an open book to them that night. So they allowed us to date.
He always (& still) opens up all my doors. Has never ever hit me or raised his voice at me. He was more then happy to take things slow. He followed my parents rules. He even told me that IF my grades dropped that he'd stop spending so much time with me. (We got to see each other on Sunday and Monday.) If my grades had dropped we'd stay at my house and I would have only seen him on Sunday.
He has encouraged me to reach for dreams that I had once considered impossible. He helped me study for tests and quizzes. He encouraged me to go for my goal of graduating with honors and you know what. . . I did!
We've been together almost 2 years now. We're engaged (date set in 09).
Things that the parents should think about:
Is she mature?
Is he a nice guy?
Is he respectful?
etc.
Things that the girl should think about:
He's older, He won't be around your school to hang out with, Ppl will judge that you're younger, etc
Things that the possible couple should know:
The age of consent laws of your state. (I'll provide the link below. I beg you to please look)
Am I saying they should go out? Nope. I'm not saying that at all. I just want everyone to know that age is just a number. And that young relationships that have an age difference do work out. And honestly my relationship is more stable then any of my friends relationships who have dated guys only a year older, the same age, or younger then them. We've never broke up or even had a fight, yes we've had little disagreements but we get along so much better then my friends do.
Good Luck. And if you are the parent. . don't judge just because of a number. Judge by the individual.
2007-12-04 15:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I dont think so my parents are 18 years apart. I'm 19 and have 2 kids with a 24 year old we been together for 3 years and have been building together ever since
2016-09-12 12:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see a problem with two people of those ages dating. A nineteen year old might be considered an adult, but there are plenty of "adults" 18+ in high school as well. I think it really depends on the people involved, as in any relationship. What the 19 year old did wasn't inappropriate at all, he just wanted to show he was interested.
2007-12-04 17:17:28 · answer #7 · answered by meloncholy canteloupe 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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It sounds like your daughter is a well rounded, responsible woman. I admire the fact that she is so open with you about her sex life. That shows she has a lot of trust in you. I say let them be. I honestly think girls are more mature than boys at that age. Personally I think younger girls do well with older boys. Men take so long to mature. LOL. Their relationship is not illegal. My husband is about 5 years older than me and I have been with him since I was 15 (I'm now 27). So family, friends etc. need to mind their own business. As long as it is a loving, respectful relationship I see absolutely no harm. Love is Love. Good Luck to your daughter and may she live a happy life!
2016-04-02 07:48:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It honestly depends on what kind of guy he is. I mean, he's out of high school so is he working full time or going to collage? Those would be 2 MAJOR things to find out. If he isn't doing either then he is most likely a looser that isn't worth your daughter's breath.
On that note, if he is working full time or going to school I would not be concerned at all! Remember, girls mature faster than boys do. I personally was 17 when I met my husband who was 19 at the time! And look at us now, we're happily married!
Best of luck!
2007-12-04 20:43:05 · answer #9 · answered by ljhsullivan 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Not at all that bad, hopefully hes a bit more mature then boys her age. Its only 2 years. there is 7 years between my parents. (sorry not a parent of a daughter just a 17 y/o guy)
2007-12-04 15:09:50 · answer #10 · answered by Dylan 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's not really bad, it's two years. I see no problem with it, as long as he's not doing drugs or anything like that.
EDITED TO ADD:
No, I don't think he's a creep. I think it was very sweet. I don't think her wearing a jersey had anything to do with it. When I was 16, I started dating a 19 year old. My mom wasn't ok with it at first, but then she met him and ended up loving him. Meet the guy first.
2007-12-04 15:02:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anthony's Mommy 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋