I know it's just her insecurity and guilt for having cheated on me. She won't let it go and it's really beginning to piss me off because I have always been faithful. If you check my profile you will see that honesty, integrity and character mean everything to me. Any suggestions?
2007-12-04 14:02:03 · 16 answers · asked by Rick 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's her guilt causing her to be insecure. I know you may not like this answer, but in my opinion, when someone cheats in a relationship, it's over. There is nothing you can do for her. Deep down inside she probably wants you to cheat so she can feel better about herself. Don't do it!
2007-12-05 05:39:33 · answer #1 · answered by Brad M 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all ... I cannot believe a woman would ever do that to you sweet friend. That is truly sad in my book and you are a terrific guy for being willing to accept that and move on.
She is:
A) Either suffering from her own guilt and insecurity as you said.
~ or ~
B) Still cheating on you.
I'm sorry if that stings, but from all the psychology I have studied and talking with my friends dad who is a marriage and family counselor about this before ... it is many times a tactic partners use to take the suspicion off themselves and put it on their spouses. She may also be looking for some way to get out of your relationship and make you look like her reason for doing it. If you're the "bad" guy then she gets off easier. Just a thought ...
If you are completely convinced that isn't the case there is little you can do for her. She needs to get some counseling or find a way to be at peace with her past and move on. Some people are never able to do that Rick. She knows what your positive attributes are ... she's your wife. There is NO excuse for her putting you through this. Many men are actually "pushed" into cheating because of their wives acting like this.
Tell her she needs to get some help ... or you may have to think about the alternative. I'd never want to live being badgered like that.
Peace and best wishes to you ...
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2007-12-04 22:18:54 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she cheated then believing that you do also makes her feel a little justified in what she did. That helps alleviate her guilt. There may be nothing you can do, other than reassure her calmly and quietly without bringing up her affair. If you become angry and irritated and try to convince her she is wrong, that supports her beliefs. When she brings it up, or accuses you, just say something like, "In your heart you know that isn't true, I have never given you any reason to believe I would be unfaithful." Don't throw it up to her that you would never do that because your character doesn't allow such behavior....that only reminds her that hers does. Repeat the same point each time she says anything. Don't make excuses or try to defend yourself, just make the same statement again. People often give up on arguments when you use the "broken record" routine, because there just isn't any payoff.
If nothing works suggest that both of you see a counselor.
2007-12-04 22:13:13 · answer #3 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Honestly speaking, there is probably nothing you can do to convince her. If she is acting on insecurities and guilt then the truth is, nothing you can do will help. You are not the problem, so there is nothing you can do about it. She probably knows you aren't cheating. Of course, on the other hand, her guilt for her answers could be what's causing her insecurities. She's could be trying to justify what she did by turning the focus towards you.
I will tell you though that all women need to feel needed. We need reassurance. We need constant reminders that the things we do for you are noticed by you and are valued and not taken for granted.
She needs to come to terms with what she did. If you have forgiven her, then she needs to learn how to forgive herself. Until she can do that, there will always be an issue.
2007-12-04 22:12:56 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel D 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be totally open with her. Provide her with ALL of your online account info, ID and passwords. Provide her with your schedule each and every day. If it is going to change, let her know ASAP. If you go out with the guys, ask her to come along. These are the kinds of things that will help her trust you.
The problem is, do you trust her after her cheating on you? Is she doing all of these things for you? Has she apologized? Has she asked for your forgiveness?
Is she using this accusation as a cover for dealing with what she did?
2007-12-04 23:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by starrrrgazer 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The problem with other peoples insecurities is just that...its their insecurity and you can't change/fix it for them. I have a friend in the same situation to the point his fiance doesn't want him to take a new job BC a woman will be training him. If you have made your statement of innocence and you show her you love her then you have gone as far as you can and she has to meet you the rest of the way. It's part of a relationship....meeting in the middle that is.
Good Luck with it all.
2007-12-04 22:07:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmmm sounds like she is still cheating and she feels awful and blaming you...I would just say hey I am not cheating if you think I am sorry but I am not. I am not the one the was unfaithful here so why are you blaming me for something you did. Tell her to lay off and if she brings it up again I would just split....for awhile until she can trust you...because even though she did it to you for some reason she has trust issues..
2007-12-04 22:16:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That really sucks.... I made that mistake. I thought my boyfriend was cheating for a # of reasons-
1. Everyone said he was
2. He had cheated before
3. I was insecure and never thought I was good enough
I should have never thought it but I did. We broke up b/c of it. He was mad b/c I wouldn't trust him so he left me. The next day I told him why I thought he was. He wanted me back BAD and we both actually cried. If she really thought you were cheating she might have left you. Tell her you wouldn't! Show her this question if you have to, to prove it!!!!!
2007-12-04 22:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If shes the one that cheated well just either deal w/ it or leave her cuz she will continue accusing u. They can't deal w/ what they did so they need to put the blame else where...she broke the trust, not u and if she can't trust u when u did nothing wrong then why waste ur time.
2007-12-04 22:12:52 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Pure Evil♥ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am a woman so i know how she feels. She is just have normal feelings. To prove to her, just let her know where you're going and when you'll be back, and give her a phone number where she can call you, i know it sounds bad but she just needs some confirmation. If you're gone a lot, she could get suspisious. Its completly normal if she is depressed or anything like that. I hope this works. (or when you go somewhere, take her with u)
2007-12-04 22:07:57 · answer #10 · answered by lilmomma86 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋