How can I stop this going on?? Males and Female answers please?

Question

I am a Stay at home dad and think that my wife is abusing our relationship and monetry situation because she is the sole money earner.
Before you all start sticking the knife in; I paid cash for our house and all landscaping payments approx $190K, her only input towards home was our section and that was approx half of the section costs $14K (K = $1000.00),.
Now that I don't earn a wage whenever I spend any money on little things like a bakery lunch approx $8.00 once a week, or small amounts on gardening items possibly every month, (never over $20.00) she makes me feel like I was spending our last dollar and I feel very guilty, but whenever she wants something like tickets to a concert $125.00 or new shoes $70.00, money never seems to be a problem.
She may think that it is a joke to her but when she brings it up around other people I feel like I've been kicked in the guts.
This always happens when people aren't paying her enough attention and really makes me angry? Help Please!

I have told her how much this effects me, as any parent knows, being at home with a young child is a very hard job and does cause a fair amount of stress and I don't need this sort of anxiety just to spend a little cash to 'perk' me up.

Some very good answers, thanks heaps, BUT whenever we've argued in the past she has always said things like "prove it", or "I Can't remember that" and I don't want to go around writing down dates and times just to prove to her what she says and does. I'm not that type of person (sometimes I wish I was). Usually she will start being a better person then after awhile the same stuff starts happening again! I do love her and our son very much but I don't think she has any idea how scathing her comments can be.

Answer 1

She is suffering from what I like to call "Bread-Winner Syndrome". Unfortunately, she will never truly overcome this. She may relax it somewhat, but you will always deal with it in some way. I think her problem is so prevalent because you suffer from a certain degree of guilt. If you want to change this, then the only true remedy would be to get a job. Then, you tell her the reason you are going back to work. It's a losing situation either way you look at it. Poor communication. Good luck.

Answer 2

Shame on her for being that ungrateful.
I am a stay at home mother and it is hard some times not always but it does get hard.
And just because she makes all the money now does not give her the right to be that way. You are married and her money is yours just as it would be if it was turned around.
I realise that you have talked to her about this and she has obviously has not taken you seriously. So I do suggest that you talk again and make it clear that if she is not willing to make an effort that things will change.
When my husband gets into one of those moods with buying himself a new fish finder and I get to wear broken shoes I tell him that he needs to grow up that I don't get paid but I do work.
I have even told him that we will just have to pay for a sitter and I'll go back to work. But that never happens. he always comes around and says he's sorry but the last time he did it that is where it ended I told him I had it and that it was time for him to realise that I do more than he thinks and he did took time but happen.

Answer 3

You should get a part time job at night or when ever shes not working that way one of you will all ways be home with your son and you can have extra money and then she has no room to say anything about you having lunch out also I'm a stay at home mom and i know that having some time by your self even if it is working really helps you deal with stress and makes you appreciate the time at home with your son more good luck.

Answer 4

Hmmm this is a tough one. My Dad is a Pastor, and I know when he counsels married couples he always says that the "breadwinner" should put money into a seperate account each payday for the spouse that takes care of the children and house for 1. groceries and tolietries 2. needs 3. Fun money. This money can be used however the spouse sees fit. It's only fair and is like your "pay" for taking care of the child and home anyway. Tell her that if she doesn't stop humiliating her, that you are going to get a part time job and make hire a babysitter. That should get her attention!

Answer 5

Do what a stay-at-home mother might do. Get a part time job, put your child in day care for a day or two a week, and wait for the reaction. This would give you some extra money, and instill, by actions rather than words, that the current situation is not acceptable.
Lack of empowerment is a leading cause of marital disharmony and depression. Do something before it gets worse.

Answer 6

was this a discussion you had before it happened and if so was everything considered the only thing i can think of is that she is worried about money and its easier to worry about someone Else's spending habits than your own way to go for being there for your kids i think that if your wife is going to be so tight with the money then maybe an allowance not to say you need one like a child but then you can see from her point of view how much she thinks is extra and who pays all the bills every month or the property taxes which are coming up so looks like you got a good conversation a head of yourself good luck

Answer 7

Tell her that she can stay home instead...My ex used to do that to me all the time when I stayed at home and even after I got a job because he made more than me. Over time, I went and spent $ anyway because afterall, it's all supposed to be equal and should not matter who makes what. You definitely have a hard job as it takes a specific type of person to be a stay-at-home parent. She doesn't sound like a very nice person. Good luck!

Answer 8

Tell her how you are feeling and if she don't like it, too bad. I know it must be very demeaning to have her bring up something like that in front of others. Why don't you tell her that both of you will work and you can hire a sitter for the child. It can be very depressing to stay at home, day in and day out. You need some sort of outage and going to work will get you out of that daily grind. I was once a stay at home Mother. I enjoyed raising my sons but it got old very very fast. I wish you the best of luck trying to convince her how you are feeling. Take care and good luck to ya. . . .

Answer 9

You do sound like a woman.. complaining about staying at home. But, I applaud you cuz you have the most important job in the world... raising your child yourself. Your wants seem meager. Maybe she will give you a budget just for your bad self. I think you deserve so much more. Obviously, she's secretly resentful that you are not working. But staying at home is really hard work, actually. Good luck.

Answer 10

Tell her that it's time to switch and you want to go back into the working force while she can have her share of being a house mom. If she refuses, the worst you can do is hiring a nanny.

I know you might think that your kids will suffer but trust me they will suffer more seeing both parents unhappy and constantly fighting. Your kids eventually will be old enough (if they are not already) and you won't need to stay home with them. How old are they know anyway?