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I know that having kids is a natural progression of a relationship after marriage, my question is this, do you think children put a strain on your primary relationship causing most to fail? Would your relationship be better and stronger without children, so you could have more time as a couple? Dose anyone regret having children period, and wishes they would have remained child free?

Is it selfish not to want to share your spouse/significant other, and want all of their attention and affection? If you were to leave your marriage for some unforeseen reason, would you even consider having more children with another woman or date a woman who has small children?

I love my kids but I sometimes feel selfish and want undivided attention and affection, you know, my wife back all to myself, me and her against the world. Am I wrong to feel that way sometimes and do any other people feel this way?

2007-12-04 12:22:16 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Married 4 years, together 9 with 2 kids, 2 year old and 8 month old.

2007-12-04 14:52:05 · update #1

5 answers

You are not wrong to feel this way. Just know it is a temporary feeling, not one to be acted on. Although you long for the days when it was just you and your wife, know that even if that were to happen tomorrow...your relationship with her would be different. The minute you had your children, the dynamics of your marriage changed. And it will continue to change as your kids grown older. You don't mention how old your kids are but if I had to guess, I would guess they are still pretty young. I remember sometimes feeling that way when my children were young, and I'm the MOM!!! I'm not suppose to feel that way....right??!!?? But the truth is the older they get, the more you will get your freedom back. And more importantly, the more you will get HER back. And when you start to get her back...you will notice a change. She is not the same woman you married...she is better. Stronger, more confident, and sexier in a way you never thought was possible. For now, however, don't be afraid to let her know how your feel. If your relationship is strong and the parenting role is a shared responsibility between the two of you, she will understand. She will RELATE!!! By the way, there is nothing more sexier and attractive than seeing a loving husband being a good Dad to his kids!

2007-12-04 12:53:40 · answer #1 · answered by moraldilemma 1 · 1 0

I think what your feeling is normal woman think you get married that you must have children it is the normal oreder of being a wife. I would say that is the old way of thinking kids 20-30 yrs ago fine we lived in a gentle and quiet society. Nowadays we have school shootings, mass murders, and other tragic occurences on a minute to minute basis. I think if you can afford kids and you both want them then go for it. Personally my wife and I chose against having kids and well life is much easier and we have more time to spend with each other. We both love animals and it just made more sense to raise some pets and still have some spending money and hey no screaming rugrats.

I think this world is on the way out and with so many kids in orphanages why not look at adoption if you really want one.

God Bless and Best Wishes

One thought you may want to consider though is that 70% of all divorces have children involved concidence you decide?.

2007-12-04 12:42:41 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 2 0

I think what your feeling is normal. However you have to realize after you have kids you can never go back to the way it was. You have to figure a way to spend time with her alone. Also find yourself in your new relationship. Find your role as a husband and a father. Becoming a parent is a huge step in anyones life its only natural to have those feelings. Its what you do with them that counts. Hope that helps.

2007-12-04 12:26:38 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs.Walker 3 · 0 0

I'm sure a lot of people have felt this way.
Once the children come into the picture, you just have to be creative and arrange alone time. Trust me, she will be so appreciative that you took the initiative to do that.
~All you have to do at this point is SHOW her with your actions how you are feeling right now. Your relationship will be better & the two of you will be better parents by taking the necessary alone time to stay connnected.

2007-12-04 12:41:45 · answer #4 · answered by BossLady 4 · 0 0

me and my boyfriend have had this discussion he doesn't have kids i have a 12 year old from a previous marriage . we both agree that kids do put a big strain on relationships and have decided not to have any . we have both seen relationships of people we know just go to hell within a year or 2 after having kids .
yes it maybe be selfish to decide not to have kids but it will be far worse to have them and regret it
you don't need to be married and have kids to have a good relationship

2007-12-04 14:20:10 · answer #5 · answered by just me 4 · 1 0

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