How can I stop my wife from spending all my money?

Question

I'm earning $50K a year but we never have any money in the bank, I stress about it all year and her response is always "don't worry about it, we have enough"

but we never have enough, and we end up having to get a credit card or a loan which is maxed out or spent straight away

she keeps buying me sh*t I don't need and now it's christmas and we have no money and she's depressed because I said she only needs to give me a 2nd hand book for christmas and i'll be fine.

I don't know what to do, no matter what I say she can't save a single cent.

sometimes I like going to the pub for a drink after a long week at work but I haven't been able to do that in months, Is it too much to ask for $20 for myself from time to time???

the question is kind of everywhere.... sorry :(

Diamond said: "my money is her money"

that's true yes, but you're missing the point, the point is she spends so much that we have to borrow and then we spend more... it's a circle that can only end in repossession of goods

but what do you care? you're probably 14 and enjoy pony racing barbies

I should have changed the title to "OUR MONEY" instead of "MY MONEY"

too many people are getting caught up on that word

Answer 1

Sweetheart, you must take the reins of the financial issues. Close all joint checking accounts, close all joint credit cards, get a budget, and provide her only what is necessary to cover realizable expenses. You will be taking away her bottle that she gets drunk on, so expect to receive hell about it. If she wants more money, have her go out and work for it. Just never allow her to get a card card, car, or anything with your income, or signature. My brother let his wife put him into bankruptcy, because he was not watching what was happening. It ended their 23 year marriage, their credit cards totaled more than his annual income, they were months behind on their house mortgage, and she still managed to forge his name on a credit card and spend $4,000 on Christmas gifts.

Answer 2

I have a simmilar problem. My wife and I both work and the income from both goes into a mutual account. we have 4 credit cards which are also in both our names and our budget doesn't allow for a lot of excess spending. Our budget, including misc spending like fuel and auto maint. consumes about 2/3rds of our income. So we live pretty tight but should have enough excess to put back a few hundred into savings every month even after some moderate shopping.
However due to her mismanagment, frivilious spending and use of credit cards we are suffering thorugh a slow bleed off of money that was put back when our combined income was apx 50% greater.
Without a dramatic change, by my estimations we only have about a year left before this is no longer sustainable. I'm not sure what to do. This problem seems to always strike around the christmas season. In the early part of the year I rented a safty deposite box in my name only and stashed the bulk of our savings in that box along with all but one of our Credit cards. Her answer to this was the "lost card" option so she ordered 3 new cards. It was 3 months before I realized that the cards had been used. I wasn't monitoring them because I would never consider that she would be capable of such deception. Two of the cards are now maxed out. I found this out at an eye exam when I tried to use a card that should have had a zero balence on it to pay for my exam and glasses,It was declined as well as another with a rather large limit. This prompted me to look at the other accounts and all but one had incrimental charges dating back several months. She was even hiding the mail so I wouldn't see the statments. I'm not sure that my otherwise wonderul marriage of 14 years is savable. I try to consider the damage a divorce would cause to my 6 year old daugher and think of options but I'm running out of time,money and patience.

Answer 3

Had/have the same problem. You've got to take control of this or it will bleed you white. This is what I've done using 3 accounts (our credit union lets you have as many as you want no charge).

Give her a low-limit credit card or a debit card like an allowance. Make double payments on it yourself every month and when it's topped out it's topped out. No more.

Autodeposit your paychecks into an account she can't withdraw from. You'll have to pay bills out of that. She'll b*tch about not having access to it but tell her there is a reason. She'll know what you mean. Tell her you're doing your best to see that she doesn't become a bag lady.

Open another checking account that you can transfer funds into from the autodeposited account via the internet. For practical reasons she'll need this for groceries and gas. DO NOT MAKE IT AUTOMATICALLY PULL FUNDS FROM THE OTHER ACCOUNT TO COVER OVERDRAFTS. If she attempts to overspend the system will deny those purchases automatically. If she spends $ frivously from it close it out too.

Answer 4

My question is...does she work too? If so, although harsh, I would suggest that she put the money that she makes into an account and you put yours into a seperate account. If she runs out of money, then, oh well.
However, if she does not work and doesn't earn any money, then it seems to me that you need to take her credit cards, check book and etc away. It may seem harsh, but you don't want to lose everything that you have because of wasteful spending.
I certainly don't think divorce is the answer. It seems to me that she has a problem. She could be manic. I don't know her and I don't want to make accusations, but it certainly seems that something needs to be done or the spending may be the end of you too in the future.
Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Im sorry about your problem and even more apauled by the reaction of some greedy woman of yahoo. I feel your pain and have been through this. My wife and I worked together to solve her spending issues as we were practicly starving to death on a 40k salary, electric was shut off a few times etc, yet she insisted on handling the money. Anyways what we did was googles money management classes and she enrolled, grant it shes still not the best with saving money but we are atleast staying afloat now.

Answer 6

if she doesn't work, she shouldn't be spending every penny you make, but if she is contributing to the house with her own $, she is intiled to spend her money.

i think it is time to sit down with her, and go threw the finances and make a monthly budget. start paying of credit cards, and then cutting them up. same with department store cards, cut those up too. keep 1 maybe 2 credit cards for emergencies. keep her on a cash only budget. if she doesn't have the cash, she can't get it. she needs to realize that just because you make it, does not mean she has to spend it. it is OK to save some.

i also suggest getting into an IRA or mutual funds. something you can put $ into every month directly from you check. that way you are saving and she can't get into it.

if none of this works, you might have to cut her off and give her an allowance. which is never a good first choice. she will have to come to you when she needs things so you can give her the $ for it. take away her checks and cards.

Answer 7

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RE:
How can I stop my wife from spending all my money?
I'm earning $50K a year but we never have any money in the bank, I stress about it all year and her response is always "don't worry about it, we have enough"

but we never have enough, and we end up having to get a credit card or a loan which is maxed out or spent straight...

Answer 8

I don't know if your wife works or not. If she doesn't I would ask her to get a job if she wants to spend so much money. If she wont then I would give her an allowance. Not to treat her like a kid but to let her spend but with a limit.
I don't work. So I don't spend money. I buy groceries, things the kids need, buy a simple card or something just as nice but doesn't cost to much to show him I love him. But I don't ever go hog wild with money, and I rarely ever spend money on myself. If I do it's a pop at the store, or a $2 dollar book at a garage sale. But I see our situation as I don't work so I don't expect him to give me money to go out and blow. If I did work, I might buy more unnesasary things for all of us. But only after I'm sure we have the money we need for bills, food, gas, etc. Infact just a few days ago I was upset about him spending too much on a book for me. It was a book I have wanted for a while, but we could only find hardback and it cost $22. I was more than willing to wait to find a paperback one.

Answer 9

The thing we as a society don't talk about is the emtional connection between marriage and money. AND THAT IS SO WRONG!!!! I am not advocating marrying someone just for money AT ALL. What I am stressing is there is just as much emotion involved in the financial aspect of marriage as there is in the "love" aspect of marriage. Your wife needs to know this. You need to turn off the TV, sit across from her, take her hands in yours, look her directly in the eye and say "Dear, if you love me as much as I love you, you will listen to what I have to say concerning our financial situation. This is killing me inside and WE need to be on the page with this issue NOW. Are you willing to talk frankly about this for the sake of our marriage?" I know it sounds dramatic...but that is because it is. Seriously, look at the desperate move you just made. You are looking for advice on the internet on how to talk to your wife about her spending habits. This is an important and serious issue with you. This financial problem is going to become a marriage problem very soon, and neither one of you want to do something you may regret. Address this head-on, but in a non-judgmental way. Address BOTH your spending habits. You may think she spends too much...she may think you are a scrooge! My suggestion is to find a spiritual based financial counselor. They will help you address your "behaviors" first, then use that to apply it to your financial situation.

Answer 10

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