And you KNOW by now that this isn't homework.....Merely good, wholesome fun on YA.
1. Hmmmm......... an unconscious person.
2. I am NOT leaving this hot tub.....Unless of course I run out of Whiskey Sour.
3. I got what they call ......... A jackpot of anxieties.
4. Wanna earn a degree in covert evasion techniques ?
5. I ain't takin' no jive from no ___________!
6. We've got the FBI on our tail!!!
7. Can you see it?! Can you see it?!
8. He may be weird, but.....I think he's brilliant.
9. That is so low on our priority scale right now.
10. I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite!
2007-12-04 11:11:12 · 5 answers · asked by I am Sunshine 6 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
“Hmmmm......... an unconscious person,” mused Murray.
“Yes, that’s your patient,” replied the nurse. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing, ah….'Dr. Pepper'?”
“I got what they call ......... a jackpot of anxieties,” said Murray, glad that the surgical mask covered the red flash of embarrassment that exploded over his face. “Uhm, so now…hand me that knife thingy.”
“It’s called a scalpel.”
“Yes, of course. And that sponge, please.”
“Doctor, the sponge is for the patient, not your forehead.”
“I aint’ takin’ no jive from no…..girly person who’s NOT the doctor!”
With that, Murray bolted from the operating room, leaving the team of nurses and anesthesiologist behind, stunned.
“He may be weird,” said the patient, rising from the table, “but I think he’s brilliant.”
“Brilliant, shmilliant,” grumbled the nurses aide, “weren’t you in here originally just to fix the thermostat?”
“Oh yeah, I better get to that!” said the patient, hurriedly getting dressed.
“Can you see it?! Can you see it?!” asked the nurse, pointing towards the doorway.
“People,” said the anesthesiologist, replacing the mask back on the ether tank, “doesn’t it bother any of you that we had some complete stranger impersonating a surgeon just now?”
“That is so low on our priority scale right now,” said the nurses aide.
“Obviously.”
As the janitor and the remaining staff hurriedly ran from wall to wall, hunting for the elusive broken thermostat, the anesthesiologist grabbed his cell phone and called the authorities.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
“We’ve got the FBI on our tail!!!” screamed Murray, watching a horde of agents parade from the parking lot into the hospital. “We gotta move quick, Leon!”
But the little gray tabby cat didn’t stir. Wearing a miniature sombrero and puffing away on a cigar, Leon just shrugged. “ I am NOT leaving this hot tub.....unless of course I run out of Whiskey Sour”.
“That’s a bedpan soaking in detergent,” sneered Murray, “and you ran out of Whiskey Sour hours ago. Let’s vamoose before we’re caught and arrested.”
Leon hopped out of the bedpan, and toweled himself off. His nonchalance infuriated Murray. The man was sweating from head to toe, looking frantically about for a way to escape. After several unbearable moments , Leon replaced the sombrero on top of the sleeping midget dozing in the corner, and leaned over towards Murray.
“ Wanna earn a degree in covert evasion techniques ?”
“Yes, yes!”
“What’s your bra size, then?”
At a loss for words, Murray only gasped and sputtered as the cat rifled through a laundry hamper, recovering an ample brasserie and girdle. It was embroidered FOR MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE ANNIE. HAPPY 40TH.
================================================
Murray was arrested 30 miles shy of the Canadian border. As he was dragged away, he turned toward the news cameras and smiled.
“I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite!”
Meanwhile, in a quaint motel 30 miles into Canada, a little gray tabby with a stocking cap flicked the remote from the season premiere of “COPS” and watched the new reality show, “Life with Sunshine and Matt Dillon.” In this episode, Matt was helping Sunshine clean out her gutters along with the Harlem Globetrotters.
“I love sweeps week,” said Leon, reclining against the pillow of his bed. He jotted a note to himself to bail Murray out of jail in a few days, after he spent the stolen hospital loot on frozen halibut and Canadian catnip. He then softly purred himself to sleep, as Sunshine slamdunked a literal gutterball….
END
2007-12-04 15:31:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Wanna earn a degree in covert evasion techniques ?"
"That is so low on our priority scale right now. We've got the FBI on our tail!!! I am NOT leaving this hot tub.....Unless of course I run out of Whiskey Sour."
" I got what they call ......... A jackpot of anxieties. I ain't takin' no jive from no ___________!"
"Can you see it?! Can you see it?! "
"Hmmmm......... an unconscious person. He may be weird, but.....I think he's brilliant!"
LOL I don't know... just copied and pasted...LOL
2007-12-04 11:29:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Silva had had a touch too many Whisky Sours at the party and security had finally been called to run us out of there. Silva was telling the security guard 2 "I am NOT leaving this hot tub.....Unless of course I run out of Whiskey Sour." Based on the number of glasses on the table next to the hot tub, that wasn't going to happend anytime soon. She told the security guard in way of explanation 3 "I got what they call ......... A jackpot of anxieties and I need to calm myself down. These here Whisky Sours and the hot tub are just the thing. I feel much better now." She went a little too far when she told him 5 "I ain't takin' no jive from no dollar an hour cop and a transvestite at that!" The guard responed sarcastically, "Well, 10. I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite! I carry a badge and your getting out of that hot tub, NOW." Silva just laughed and remarked, "Who the heck do you think you are, Jack Webb? I carry a badge" she mockingly repeated. Still mocking him, she yelled to everyone, "Quick run, 6 we've got the FBI on our tail!!!" Looking at him again, she said, "I really should file a complaint with J. Edgar Hoover but 9 that is so low on our priority scale right now. What I really want to complain about is the lack of quick service around here and I really need another whisky sour."
In the end they had to drag her out of the hot tub. She kept yelling "Police Brutality, Police Brutality. . 7 Can you see it?! Can you see it?!" the whole time. Unfortunately, most of us were in no condition to see anything.
We all wound up down at the drunk tank that night. I had to figure out what I was looking at when I first woke up. 1. "Hmmmm......... an unconscious person" my liquor handicapped brain finally figured out. It was Silva, still sleeping it off.
As I sat there on the bench in the drunk tank watching Silva and the rest, I was reminded of the the old saying. "A good friend is one who will bail you out of jail; but a true friend is one who will sit in the cell with you and say "Damn that was fun." I hope Silva thinks I'm a good friend, because Damn, that WAS fun.
"
2007-12-04 11:26:29 · answer #3 · answered by ghouly05 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thursday 2.30pm
I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite. I work for the FBI. If they were reading this post I would probably be demoted to cross-dresser and put on desk duty, so I better be careful to ensure my incogno-ivity identikit thing…you know….don’t reveal too much.
We get all kinds on the force. I got what they call ......... A jackpot of anxieties, but the Police Psychiatrist puts it all down to my Father wearing red pyjamas when I was conceived. You have no idea how relieved I was when he gave me that diagnosis. He may be weird….but I think he’s brilliant (my Therapist, not my Dad – he’s just ok, I just get my sleepwear fetish from him)
When I came in to work this morning wearing my usual little black and white striped dress and matching cropped jacket (don’t worry about the shoes I had on, I changed them later anyway for lunch) one of my colleagues was wearing a T-shirt that read “Wanna earn a degree in covert evasion techniques ? Ask me how?” They say the FBI Undercover Unit has changed over the years. People wise up! This is where YOUR taxes are going! Vote more carefully next time please!
“Can you see it?! Can you see it?!” the T-shirt wearer said puffing out his chest. “well” I replied matter of factly “yes I can and if you don’t mind me saying so, that might just be your problem, if you find people shooting at you suddenly. I think you may need to change.” Well he did change…..into a Clown Outfit. ‘ I think there’s a little bit of Gotham City reverse crime fighting going on here”. I mused to myself .
Thursday 415pmm
“Hmmmm......... an unconscious person.” I spoke to no-one in particular “I would recognise one anywhere. A little more life-like than your average DB.” The fact that the crime scene was crawling with paramedics, police and photographers made me feel even lonelier having uttered those words to nobody. “It doesn’t happen like that on TV” I thought to myself (again) The Clown had changed into a rather debonair suit for this particular occasion and spoke with a very cultured accent. I almost felt myself falling in love again. Ahh but love means never having to say you’re sorry and I was feeling very sorry for having to be there right now instead of in a Hot Tub with that gorgeous man in the suit….as I said I am a complex individual…but this crazy town is full of complex people and their stories…and this was just my story…or at least a little under 2 hours of it…..
2007-12-04 19:31:31 · answer #4 · answered by *Jellz* 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely
evening, a husband met at the door, his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "We've got the FBI on our tail!!!"
"How did they find out?" he gasped in shock.
"I don't know they but called me this morning on the phone."
"You should have warned me before I got home! Let's pack our stuff and get the heck ot of here!" said the panicked husband. But the wife restrained him instantly.
"They are already here in the house!" she whispered
"I don't understand?" said the puzzled husband
"An agent came immediately after the call. He is sitting in your bath tub and has refused to come out!" she explained. The perplexed husband walked into his bathroom. Sitting naked in the bath full of soapy water was a giant of a man. He looked quite hairy and unconscious with his hands flung over the bath tub. Several empty bottles of wine lay around the floor. He did not look like an FBI agent.
"Hmmmm......... an unconscious person." thought the man. "We might still get away with it."
"I am NOT leaving this hot tub.....Unless of course I run out of Whiskey Sour." said the man suddenly as if aware of their presence.
"Who are you and what do you want?" asks the husband.
"I know what you guys did last winter!" he said drunkenly.
"He may be weird, but.....I think he's brilliant." whispered the wife to her husband. "He even knows our birthdays!"
"Are you with the FBI?" asks the husband.
"Absolutely! Do you Wanna earn a degree in covert evasion techniques?" he asked
" I ain't takin' no jive from no drunken FBI agent!!" says the husband.
"We have nothing against members drinking while on duty!" slurred the man. "Only when clothed in black suits! You can read up section 3, article 15 of our charter."
"That is so low on our priority scale right now." said the husband. "We are getting out of here immediately. You can remain in the bath tub if you wish."
"I got what they call ......... A jackpot of anxieties." says the wife anxiously. "What makes you think he is the only one? They may be others watching us even as we speak!"
"You can't elude me. I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite!" says the man as he soaked in the tub.
"Can you see it?! Can you see it?!" screams the wife tugging at her husband.
"What?" he says turning to look around. Lying on the bathroom floor was the drunken's man's ID card. It read: David Barrow, Special Agent - Federal Botany Institute (FBI)
"You guys used a banned fumigant to kill the weeds in your garden. Some of those weeds are rare botanical species." slurred the drunken man.
2007-12-04 16:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by violeo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋