I am married with children and I love my family, however I am still unhappy?

Question

Yes,there are some things that I want to do for myself yet my husband says that he suppotrs me yet I can feel his negative vibes . What should I do stay and live my life being unhappy? Should I leave and try and say at least I tried. What ever I do I know that I will suceed. I am 31 years old.

Answer 1

you might want to talk to your doc. these could be signs of depression and if that doesnt work, marrige counseling

Answer 2

seek out a pastor or a counselor. You can be happy in the marriage when your focus is changed. If your husband says hes supportive, ignore the negative vibes and go for it. Sometimes we project our feelings onto others. I have been married 30 years and what helped a lot is to make a certain night for the two of us each week and we each have our own night. We have three children and it is all about compromise and communication. The two keys to a successful marriage. Search out why you are unhappy and it may not be the marriage it may be what you are missing in your life. Sometimes husbands do not know how to be supportive and our friends help us when our spouses cannot. Best wishes.

Answer 3

There is more to this than your husband. I recommend you get some counseling and find out what your REAL problem is. Marriage counseling, if you are certain that is the source of your problem, might also be a good idea. Either way, a professional can help you identify what the actual source of your unhappiness is, and help you identify some constructive ways of resolving it. I'll tell you one thing: leaving is HIGHLY likely NOT the solution, unless your husband abuses you. The cliches all apply here: the grass always looks greener on the other side of the hill; and you don't know what you've got until it is gone. Throwing away what you have is a common mistake, and a dumb one considering that there are professionals out there who can help you resolve your unhappiness in a positive and constructive way that will provide for you and your family, both. Don't hesitate to talk to your family doctor to get started. Good luck!

Answer 4

I'm 49 and have been married 25 years. I KNOW those "vibes" -- here's what you do....you say you LOVE your family; therefore, you don't want to lose them (when kids are involved, its difficult too) ---- you aren't saying if you LOVE your husband or not so I'm going with the fact it sounds like you do. DON'T worry about what vibes he is throwing at you. JUST DO IT -- whatever it is - if it's going to improve your life... Remember, if you don't do anything, it won't do anything. If you have a PLAN in mind and you just go for it because you KNOW you can succeed, then all it's going to do is make things better in the long run for your whole family.
GOOD LUCK --- do what you need to do.....but try to keep the family together. He'll 'get over it" -- for real.

Answer 5

I'm curious. You say you're with children, yet you're considering leaving for the sake of your own happiness? If you do leave, do you think that will make you happy? Happiness is an illusory goal. The only way to find happiness is to go on a quest for something else, preferably something greater than yourself. I think what you need is something that takes your mind of yourself and your own life. I'm not sure why your children don't qualify. Do you have friends? Often, mothers need support from other mothers. Husbands simply can't relate. Husbands don't have to take care of the kids all day by themselves. Whatever you do, please don't leave. That will wreck your children's lives, which will not make you happy. Since you can sense negative vibes from your husband, despite his claims to support you, it sounds like you need family counseling.

Answer 6

Maybe you should find a way to deal with negative vibes. If he says he supports you - believe him. The alternative to you living with a few negative vibes is to screw up your kid's lives (which divorce most certainly does). Divorce is bad news, especially for kids. If it gets to where you are so unhappy that your kids are suffering - then go ahead and divorce. But if you can keep your family together at least until they graduate from school; thats the best.

Answer 7

Don't pay attention to his negative vibes. This is about YOU. Show him that you are going to better yourself no matter what he thinks. If he isn't as supportive as he says he is, you'll know the truth. Then the decision will be a little easier.

As far as leaving him, I would only think of that as a last resort. Relationship counseling has helped TONS of couples; I've heard a lot of success stories. It's that outside perspective that most of us could use in our relationships. Good luck, and remember, don't sell yourself short. You're still very young and have a lot of time to accomplish the things you want to accomplish.

Answer 8

I suggest some counseling, maybe a womens retreat, Communication with your hubby, tell him your strong desires and feelings about these issues, always give him the benefit of the doubt before bailing on a marriage with children. Are you that unhappy? is there more to it? an affair? another man is showing you attention? If you want to go to school, better yourself, etc, I can't see that this would be the basis for you to say you are living your life unhappy, I think theres more to it

Answer 9

I think an appt with a medical doctor followed by an appt with a psychologist may be all you need. You can fulfill your dreams AND be a happy mother and wife. you dont just cut and run because you fill unfulfilled. I did NOT sign on to raise 4 kids by myself and I sure as hell didn't want to but I be damned if I was going to cut out on my boys. I still did what I wanted to do (go to college AND got a degree) So what it took me 7 years of night school, lots of favors, bus rides, sacrifices, few visits with a shrink and late nights. I did it and graduated with high honors. You can do this....and you can do other things at the same time. I wish you well.

Answer 10

Why are you feeling negative vibes? Is your hubby saying one thing but acting oppositte of what he portrays.. or are you just depressed...

I think counseling for you --- and then also maybe your hubby togethe might help you...

Just remember... most people end up just 'content' in marriage --- so if you are looking to chase rainbows, a divorce is NOT the answer... but if he is truly not the loving supportive type and in any way nasty or disrespectful or abusive - then you might want out..

Go to a counselor... they can help you figure out who you are and what you want out of life -- and the reasons why...

Answer 11

oh honey, me too. let me know if you find the answer. i go in circles and circles and circles. i don't know what to do either. maybe its just a phase that will pass, is what i tell myself.

if i could give any advice i'd say be completely open and honest w/ your spouse. no matter how uncomfortable or angry he may get. explain how life is too short to not be happy and you need his support. he took vows just like you did and theres no reason he can't meet you in the middle.

if he's totally against whatever it is your wanting to do, then go from there. i can't give you advice past that. only you can decide that. divorces are messy. especially w/ kids in the picture. not to mention the smaller things like changing your name, court and laywers, splitting money, where to stay, on and on and on... especially if he's the bread winner. i'd say think and plan ahead before you rush off.

how long have you been married or withhim? what is your relationship like aside from this?