I've been dating my girlfriend for little over 2 years. My girl friend is single mom, mother of 2 beautiful girls, 14 and 15. I've work very very hard to built strong relationship and to earn the trust and the love of all 3 girls. My girl and I do not live in the same house, but I come over all the time to help her out with cooking, cleaning, cut the grass, paint the house, put up the finces around the house, do the wash and ironing her clothes. Recently our relationship end, but not our friendship. I still come over to her house to see her and the kids. Now she have a boyfriend and he start coming over and hang out and sitting by the fire place and be close to each other, it is killing me, cause we used to do that. I don't want to be their, but her kids don't want me to leave, they beg for me to stay with them. It is killing me. My girlfriend told me, even tho we don't have the same kind of relationship, she still love and care for me and her kids love me. Please help, need advice.
2007-12-04 10:15:48 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As hard as it is for you and the girls just be honest and tell your exgf and her children that you all need to move on. Actually from what I am reading from this, she is treating you like both a nanny and a unhired help. You are cooking and cleaning and ironing her clothes.
I would say leave faster so the bf does not know yet.
I mean I know you love her but you are almost like a slave to her. It is almost like she is using you with your consent. You are doing everything to please her. But apparently not enough or she would not be wanting another bf.
So it's best to leave. Do not contact her at all. Stay strong and you will meet the right girl who will share duties around the house. Not have one person be the slave of the other.
2007-12-05 04:10:24 · answer #1 · answered by Uncle Remus 54 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give yourself permission to let go of this situation. I know the kids love you, and they probably always will. But contsantly putting yourself in an emotionally draining predicament is eventually going to backfire on you. You need to cut all ties for now, until you have had a chance to move on yourself, and then you can call the kids and keep in touch. And the girlfriend (or is it the ex?) needs to stop making you feel guilty by telling you how much her and her kids care about you to the point that you put yourself there to help and to make the kids happy at the expense of your own emotional wellbeing. Back out gracefully, explain that you need some time, and give the girlfriend time also to pursue her new relationship. There is absolutely no reason for you to be in the picture at this point. It will cause hard feelings and mixed emotions. Take a break from it all. Good luck.
2007-12-04 18:38:35 · answer #2 · answered by TwyztedChyck 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should try to be there with the girls but it may be that you were getting too close to her and she is not ready for that yet and may never be. When you go over there and he is there, take the kids out somewhere so that they can have some time alone and perhaps she may change her mind. Since the girls want you there even when he is they may not like this guy that much they may well be working on your behalf even when you are not. There is also a chance that she lacks self esteem as a single parent and is seeking that first from you and then from him. I will give you a web site dealing with relationships that you can share with the girls and they in turn can share it with their mother and it may help all of you. Good Luck to you!
2007-12-04 18:49:10 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My you have gotten yuorself into a pickle. So this is what you do grow up, then stop looking at this woman as a lover and move on, you have placed yourself in a role of a positive male influence and now must live up to that. So you will have to be there for the girls just as you would have if you stayed with the mom. This means no being there for with or about the mom. It is now for the kids. Can you do it?
2007-12-04 19:05:27 · answer #4 · answered by jalwells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you end a relationship,you end it.....she's already replaced you so why are you letting her keep you in her back pocket...are you hoping it won't work out and she'll come back to you? Is she thinking if it doesn't work with the new guy she's got you to fall back on? Is that what you want...sorta like waiting to see if some one cancels so you can get the seat on an overbooked airplane.....a spare part incase the current newer one breaks?
It's a shame about the kids, but let her deal with the fall out she has created...you have a right to move on to find some one who will value you...and you won't if you let her keep you in a Lover's Limbo...good luck.
2007-12-04 18:32:32 · answer #5 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you need is to start letting yourself go little by little go see her 4 days a week and then after that teh next week only 3 days and so on and start leaving that way find someone who really deserves a man like you and someone that you can care for and respect you you sound like a good man and you do not deserve to be hurt so move on.
2007-12-04 18:32:32 · answer #6 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should take a little break from that situation for now. Work on yourself. Go to visit the relatives. Maybe during this season is the perfect opportunity for you to start your healing. It will be hard. Specially if you have a bond with her daughter. Please don't stop contacting the girls. Send them emails, let them know that even when things didn't work out between you and their mom, you still there for them....it will take time,,,but I know you u will be allright,,,Chin up bro!
2007-12-04 18:54:04 · answer #7 · answered by KingDavid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best for everyone is for you to stop going over there. Hard to do I know, but you are an adult and know it is the only thing you can do.
don't believe the garbage that she still loves you and cares about you.. she is just using you and getting of having two men in her life. She doesn't care a hoot about the girls.. just her own selfish kitty.
2007-12-04 18:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just walk aways. Give it some time. If you think that things will work out after a little bit you or you can't live with out her then go get her. If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it was always ment to be.
2007-12-04 18:19:31 · answer #9 · answered by confused 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Quit with the housework, that crap is for the new b/f to do.
If you have a strong relationship with her girls, offer to have them come hang out with you at places that aren't your ex's house. If they ask why you don't hang out at their house any more, be honest with them.
If your ex REALLY loves & cares for you, she will make arrangments for the new guy to NOT be there when you are.
In fact insist on those things as conditions for you continuing the relationship. If she won't agree, you'll know she's playing you.
In that case say adios, but allow the daughters to e-mail/phone you.
2007-12-04 18:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by Monkeyboi 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋