Should I get a Divorce?

Question

Situation: I'm 27M, married for 2 yrs, together for 9yrs. She is grad school. Has no time for me. I have a high sex drive, she has 0. im lucky if i get it once a month. I want to do foreplay and oral and she hate oral and foreplay flat out, only missionary. Anyway thats not the main problem. Her school take up 98% of her time so i get no attention.She has 4 more years of school I don't want to waste my younger years doing nothing exciting. I know i can do stuff with friends, but i really want to share the events with someone i love. She is not into things like that. I just want someone to spend time with and not boss me around to get **** for her repeatedly. I starting to feel like we are more roommates than husband and wife. I don't have the feeling a husband should for his wife. It upsets me to think these things more cause i don't want to hurt her feelings. I just don't think i love her as a wife anymore, but i am still tore at what choice i should choose. Thank you for your feedac

We do talk about school, etc... as i said sex isn't the main problem but it is a big part of a marriage. Main problems are no attention and i am tired of getting bossed around like a damn butler/servant. I clean work over 40 hrs a week cook, all responsibility is on me all she does is go to school. then complain that the house isn't clean the way she wants it. Crap like that.

She is starting to cost me my relationship with my family. She doesn't like them and talks trash about them all the time. She knows how this make me feel. but still does it. Everytime we go back home for christmas we stay at her families house and all i get out of the week that we are there for is one day with my family. It causes a big fight all the time.

Answer 1

Together for 9 yrs, Did things change after the "I do" or has this been like this all along????
I have heard MANY a story about the wife putting hubby thru school and then being "kicked to the curb" but not so many of the other way around..... I do know that it does happen, do you feel like this is what is happening to you??
You don't mention children which if your marriage is gone to H*L* in a handbasket, is good, you sound like counselling would make parting easier but with the DRASTIC difference in sexuallity I think it is very possible that divorce may be in your future..... when she is out of school etc she should have more sex drive but she is about the only female I have ever heard of that wants no foreplay......that is usually the womans biggest gripe that his forplay consist of "git in the truck" or a slap on the "buttocks" and he can't figure out why she ain't "ready"........
You seem to have some MAJOR issues that she may not be able to change, ANYONE should be torn making this big of a decision but you are sounding pretty down.....I hope you take all of our input and use what is best for you...there are no absolutes we can bounce thoughts out to you but you KNOW the decision is yours ,,
Good Luck what ever your decision and don't hesitate to get feed back from Y.A. we are all in all a good bunch of people and we do care.....

Answer 2

Hello there,
WOW what a question!!! I feel that only you can answer that question. Some advice may be in order and you can take it or leave it from everyone.
It appears that your torn about this, and you need to figure out why. Is it because you do truly love her, or that your afraid to fail the relationship? When you sit to talk to her, do you use statements to her on HOW you feel?
For example" I feel used when I do all of the housework. I feel that I am doing it to the best of my abilities, however I dont feel that you appreciate my efforts.
When we point our fingers at the other party and accuse them of acts they may become defensive and will not work on the issue at hand.
My questions to you are.... What attracted you to her in the first place? What things did you both enjoy doing together? Was it a mutual agreement for her to go to school? Is there a possability that you can work together to set aside a certain time of the day for just each other, without school work or housework, and be just husband and wife? What is it you truely want? Sometimes we can answer our questions with other question's.
Is she exhausted at the end of the day? If so that will hamper a womans sex drive. Example a new mother with child and lack of sleep will add to a lack of libido. Maybe you need to seek out how to help her feel relaxed and loved. Are you approachable? Light some candles tonight when she comes home, put on some relaxing music and sit down and talk.
I believe that your asking the wrong questions on here.
Do you want a divorce, or do you want some advice on how to fix a situation. I dont feel it appropriate to tell you to divorce her when I haven't taken a walk in your shoes nor hers. Maybe she is working towards her degree, and sacrificing all of this because she believes in both of your future together?
have to tried to sit down and write a leter to her and let her know how you feel?

Good luck my friend

Answer 3

It sounds like you both have to sit down and discuss this because whe is concentrating on school and you on life as it is now. When she finishes the grad school she iwll change but the questions are, can you wait that long, and how is she going to change when she goes from student to worker in her field. A study once showed that when people go to school for both medicine and law, a marriege during the schooling has an over 80% failure rate because of the change in lifestyles.
you may both be better off by separating now then to wait 4 more years and then separate because you may be able to still be friends now perhaps and still care for each other as friends and that may not be possible in the future. You can see if she will agree to counseling but the divorce is probably best in spite of that. Good Luck to you both!!

Answer 4

Divorce her. Getting married at age 18 was probably not a really good idea since neither of you had a chance to grow as adults before merging your lives completely. She's going to feel stifled, and you're going to feel frustrated.

Now, if you still have a lot of feelings for her, you can just get a separation with the intention of possibly getting back together again without going through the hassle of a legal divorce. If that's not something you're cool with, then be straight up with her and tell that you want her out of your house and out of your life. It WILL hurt, but both you and her will be better off.

Answer 5

Yes, you should get a divorce now because if you don't you will end up getting a divorce after spending more years in an unfullfilling relationship with a woman that you don't love as a wife.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

you have to either change the situation or get out of the relationship. it cannot go on like this because you are not happy. you need to get connected with her feelings and needs. not just sex. try talking to her about how she feels about school or professors. you need to make time she spends with you more rewarding for her or she will not do it.

Answer 7

you need to communicate what u are feeling bc u never know she just might be feeling isolated herself. Divorce might not be the answer maybe it is just about compromising. Marriage should not be taken lightly, if it can be saved than u should do whatever it takes and the first step is to communicate with her........I was dealing with my loser of an ex husband for 6 years who was a liar and a cheat. His answer to problems in our relationship was to go out and cheat.....Instead of being a man he was a coward.
He would have saved me and my kids alot of heart break just if he was honest.....

Answer 8

You are going to be much happier if you leave. Trust me i know...and really what kind of husband are you going to be if your unhappy all the time. Its time to think about yourself and make you happy....

Answer 9

Go to counseling.

Answer 10

its your choice bud.lol