Teenage Pregnancy Disagreement: Abort/Adopt/Keep?

Question

I am 15 and recently found out my girlfriend is pregnant. We've been through a hell of a tough time lately with parents, decision making, lectures, health, school etc etc and its worse now in that we are disagreeing over what to do. She doesnt want to abort and doesnt think she could give it up after it's born, and is actually starting to like that fact that shes pregnant. Ive tried to persuade her that its maybe best to do abort or adopt for our sakes, to save money, education etc. She wont speak to me at the minute because shes offended and "disgusted that i suggested that." I really think that its the only way and that she wont be able to cope if she has her way. Should i apologise and let her or should i keep persuading her to see what it would be like in the long run?

Answer 1

If you are not prepared to be a parent don't have sex.

Answer 2

you both need to listen to each others pros and cons about abortion/adoption/or keeping the child. each of you see this differently...mostly because you don't have the child inside of you.

i think you should research each and talk about them openly. also talk to her parents and see if they will help raise the child. meaning both of you will be responsible for the child, but when you need help if they will help you. so 99.9% is on you and your girlfriend and .1% would be on her parents.

while a lot of people do get abortions some underestimate the emotional aftermath of it. they regret having the abortion and wonder what life would be like if they never had the abortion. once she has the abortion she can't turn back.

on the other hand if she goes through the process of adoption (I believe) she can go all the way through the process and then back out and say no she doesn't want to give the child up. So all of the paper work would be done, but after 9 months of thinking about it she can say she wants to keep the child. you can also have an "open-adoption" where you get visiting rights to the child, you would be part of the childs life, and this would allow you to in essence have a life too.

or you could see if her parents would take custody of the child and then when you both turn 18 you take over custody.

both of you need to be open with each other, honesty is the best way to go. just know that having an abortion is better earlier rather than later in the pregnancy. also you will adapt to the situation, you will grow up and figure things out (you have people around you that will help you).

if anything apologize for not listening to her needs, but don't persuade her to do anything, it should be a rational decision that both of you make

Answer 3

Abortion is a thing that she would have to live with her entire life as well as adoption. I understand that you don't feel like you are ready to be a daddy, then I guess you should have thought about that before you had sex.

Explain to her your reasonings but understand that legally this is her baby, and you have no rights to tell her what to do at all at this point. You can explain yourself till you are blue in the face and still have no say in the ultimate decision.

My advice to you is to start working on a support system for you and her for after this baby is born. Is her parents going to help emotionally and financially support her. Are they going to help with the baby so that she can finish school. Financially who is going to help cover diapers, formula, baby wipes, clothes and food for this baby. If you are 15, legally there is limited work that you can do to help pay for this baby. I am assuming that she is 15 also which would bring about limited work for her also.

I wish the both of you luck.

Answer 4

Try not to persuade her. She is VERY emotional right now. Ultimately it is her decision. As sad as that sounds because technically you should have a say as well. It is a very thin line.
A friend of mine had her baby when she was 15. She was lucky because her parents helped out a lot. They allowed her to stay in school. They did make her get up in the night and she wasn't able to go out with her friends very much. They taught her responsibility. She got her hs diploma and eventually went to college. She is now 25 years old and very successful. A baby doesn't always ruin your life. You take the best from it and move on.
Everyone kept telling her that she would never graduate and that she couldn't do anything. She wanted to prove them wrong and she did.

Answer 5

you have to remember she has a life in her, and the motherly instinct has probably kicked in. To her you are talking about killing a life that is inside her that it is her job to protect. Some people don't care for some it is just not an option, and with adoption you are asking her to grow the baby, bond with him/her then give her to strangers. You two made an adult decision to have sex, now you are dealing with the adult consequence to that. Using your age as an excuse is not enough, seeing as though you felt grown up enough to make the baby. Give her a chance to soak it in and you, then each sit down with your parents separately and then as a group and try and come up with a solution, but is she doesn't want to do either then you need to just bite the bullet and either be a man about your responsibility or run away like a scared child.

Answer 6

Don't try to persuade her because in the end its her body and its her decison. Shes carrying the child and if you or anyone else convince her to abort or adopt she will regret it in the future because its not what she wanted for herself. What matters is if SHE is able to handle the reponsibility of having a baby at a young age and because you decided to take on having sex you should also take responsibilty and face the consequences. Try to also understand her reasons for wanting to keep the baby because you are not the only one being affected in this situation..

Answer 7

This is a hard one.

Adoption and abortion are things that only the individuals can decide on. If you two are disagreeing ... I hate to say it but you will lose. If she wants to keep the baby she will.

All you can do is continue to explain your reasons but I think you need to get used to the idea of being a daddy because she is keeping it.

If she won't speak to you I would suggest apologizing not because of what you felt but because you offended her.

Answer 8

No offense dude, but it is her decision. You ABSOLUTELY can't tell her to abort, that is a very personal choice and she would hate herself forecver if she did it for you. You can't really make her give the baby up because she made it too. Looks like you will have to be a man and stand by her (or at least the baby) no matter what her decision is. You had sex, deal with the consequences.

Answer 9

Theres no point in persuading because in the end its gonna be her own decision on what to do. leave her alone and stop pestering her about it. who are u to say wether shes able to be a good mother? u cant even say that because u have no idea right now. automatic assumption isnt always correct. she may be a great mother. shes already excited, so im sure she will be a good mom the maternal instinct is kicking in already. let her have the baby. thats what she wants. and take it as a lesson learned not to screw around with fire anymore so u dont get burnt next time

Answer 10

I think you two should seek counseling to come to an agreement. Yes, it's in her body, blah blah blah, but it's your baby too. It seems like the compromise here would be for her to give it up for adoption. You are both too young to be parents, and I for one believe abortion is wrong.
This is what happens when people have sex too young and too soon. There are consequences and it's sad that someone as young as 15 is facing them. Please think about that next time you want to have sex.

Answer 11

I was 16 when I had my first baby. I finished high school and started college(dropped out but wanted to) Just because you have a baby at a young age does NOT mean you cannot be a good parent. You can still have a life. It is harder and its hard to raise a baby at such a young age but when you started having sex you should have known thats how you make a baby! You need to talk to her and talk about your options. I had a baby in 10th grade and my life didnt end!!!!