I went through a terrible divorce. I was single for almost 2yrs before I met this guy. He is truly a wonderful man. Very good to me, always loving. He was drunk one night & slept with a women from the bar. He does know her though. He has since sent me 20-30 text messages a day explaining how he made a terrible mistake. I really fell in love with him. He says he loves me with all his heart & will do anything to make it up to me. But how does a relationship work if the trust has been broken? I don't know. Can a relationship really last through something like this because we havn't been together very long. Not a very good start. We've not even had one arguement or disagreement. We have alot in common. I need some answers from people who have been in my situation. Thank you so much for your help.
2007-12-04 09:21:43 · 63 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's over. Move on.
Get Checked for HIV/STDs.
Don't sleep with the next guy until AFTER six months, a year, or wedding bells.
2007-12-04 09:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by Roy H 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I’m sorry to hear that but you really need to open your eyes. 2 years is a long time but don’t let that cloud your head. Any individual that cheats on their partner is not a loyal mate. You should ask if this is the first time that he has cheated in a relationship and if not then leave him because it will happen again, you just may not know about it and suffer further humiliation. The most important question you should ask yourself is if YOU are willing to live with doubt for the rest of your lives together. Knowing that he has cheated on you already is always going to make you wonder if he still is or has been. It’s not healthy for the relationship and especially not healthy for you. Why should you suffer for others infidelity. You also said that he slept with a woman from the bar that he knows.... maybe alcohol was his excuse to try her out. If he gets drunk like this then how many times has or will he use this excuse or any other. You should ask him if he used a condom, and if he did then he must have not been that drunk to be able to think consciously about his health and if he didn’t use a condom what s.t.d's is he going to bring home. Besides, 6 months of dating is awfully early to be making these kinds of 'mistakes'. I know its hard because you love him but its going to be much harder to deal with the pain if he does this again. Any man who would cheat on you isn't big enough for the love you could give him.
2007-12-04 09:43:02 · answer #2 · answered by Cubilac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GO GO GO!!! First of all, it is FAR worse that he knows the woman, that means there has been an attraction there the whole time you've been with him. If he is friends with her or sees her frequently this will constantly reaer its ugly head. Secondly If you have been together less than a month then at least you could argue that he might not know where you stood in the relationship, and lastly 20-30 messages a day??? That isn't love that's a stalker! Don't get drawn back n to what you've just gotten out of. I've seen alot of friends think they could get over it and a year or two down the line the same thing is what has ultimately what has broken them up.
2007-12-04 09:30:35 · answer #3 · answered by miss_cris101 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its better thst he cheated after 6 months and not after 6 yrs. But this really depends on what point of your life youre at. If your up for being vulnerable give him another chance. People make mistakes and maybe you will too, dont you want to be forgiven. But if your little heart cant take another heart ache just stop dating. The truth is every time you put yourself out there you run a chance to get hurt. Is he even worth you risking yourself. Think about if he has potential to be the man you might want to spen your life with. But if he does this again drop him like yesterdays news
2007-12-04 09:31:20 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that he cheated, but the old saying applies, "Once a cheater..... Always a Cheater." I guess the other question that you will have to ask yourself is, will YOU be able to forgive and forget, or will this be something that every time he is 2 mins late you will assume that he is up to no good. And will you throw it in his face every time you fight? Sadly these questions are all things that WILL come up in the future. If I were you, do some soul searching and ask yourself if all the drama and anxiety that he has caused worth sticking around for?
Personally I would tell him that its over. I am not the type of person who will tolerate people hurting me again!
Good luck!
2007-12-04 09:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once trust is broken it will never come back. You will have a hard time believing him from now on. But if your looking to make this work then dont get back together with him just yet let him make it up to you tell him to prove to you that he is ready for a serious relationship and wont go around screwing anything that moves behind your back and then maybe you'll take him back. Take your time remember you just got out of one relationship despite it was 2 yrs ago it takes time to bounce back especially from a terrible divorce. You need to realize you have a choice to make either let it roll off your back and live with it and be suspicious of every call he makes or take this time to let him reflect how important you are to him.
2007-12-04 10:13:55 · answer #6 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is never a good thing. I can see trying to work it out if you have been together for years and years....but if you have only been together for six months and you let him get away with it this time, there will most likely be another.
If he can't control himself with the booze and goes out, you will always wonder, even many years from now.
If it were me, and I have been divorced too, I would cut my losses now and find another guy who is equally as great who won't cheat on you a whopping six months into the relationship.
I am sorry that he was such a wonderful @sshole.
2007-12-04 09:34:52 · answer #7 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who are drunk do crazy things, they tend to get horny when they are drunk and of course if they've no one else to do it with their mind generally doesn't object to somebody who would willingly spread her legs for him.
If you don't trust him, you should tell him so. It takes a long time to get someones trust back, and perhaps you should mention that getting drunk isn't the best answer if he's going to go out and end up having sex with other women.
That's all I can really say, if you honestly love him then try to stay with him, but make sure to not go any further then your hurt tells you to go. You should be cautious after this, you don't want to end up in a tearful break down. But if he's sincere then you should give him one more try, if he does it again kick him out the door.
2007-12-04 09:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl u should leave him u guys have not been together that long....how deep could u guys possibly be come on now be realistic....u need to leave him if he got drunk in a bar with someone he does not even know what else is he doing out there behind your back......a woman should put up with that kind of crap.....just move on, after this u will find yourself always wanting to know where he is at and what he is doing and that is not heathy for u.
2007-12-04 10:27:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes incidents like this happen without intent or purpose. I can not honestly give you the best advice, and neither can anyone here, because we don't personally know you or the male in question. The rule of thumb is; hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.
Personally I believe in second chances, and in my experiences giving a person a second chance can be a very wonderful experience, or a bad one depending on how the other person reacts to their new shot. If you really love him and feel that he is repentant, give him another shot, there are nice guys out there. If not, let him go now. Either way be prepared to be hurt again, because you can't control or predict what other people will do.
I hope you have the best of luck in your relationship(s), and find happiness with or without him.
2007-12-04 09:28:34 · answer #10 · answered by Jeremy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the situation were reversed and you had cheated he would be gone. Youve only invested 6 months in this and now you know what he is like. You can waste another 6 months to 5 years only to find out hes done it again or you can count yourself lucky you found out early on.
If you decide to stay with him you should put conditions that he doesnt drink or go to bars since thats his excuse for how it happened.
You can do better then this guy.
2007-12-04 09:43:30 · answer #11 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋