Duties of a husband and Wife???

Question

I'm not sure if I am thinking this right or not, but my problem is that my husband just got this new job which pays really well and I work as a med trans at home and have a 1 yr old son. My problem is that my husband does not want to pay all the bills. I don't make as much as he does. One of my checks would be half of what he makes in one check. He makes enough to pay all the bills off of one paycheck and still have some left from it and have another free check towards the end of the month. Since I work at home, i make lunch, have supper, wash clothes, clean, pretty much everything at home Plus still work. Is it fair for me to pay half of the bills, still? I know with the extra amount he will be saving, which is good, but i know its not for us but for himself. Are things suppose to be half and half even when we're married? Please help.

Answer 1

Alot of married couples still pay half the bills. Since you do work maybe talk to him about paying one certain bill per month.. since you do all the housework, and take care of your son. I don't think it's fair, but it's not my hubby. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Every marriage is different & you've gotten some really great advice.

My husband & I have always pooled our finances, we pay all of the bills out of our joint checking account, put some funds into a joint savings account & each get some 'fun' money to spend on whatever we wish each month (sometimes it's only $20 because that's what's left over). We have had some fabulous vacations & parties because we do this...

If your husband is insisting that you pay 'half' when he makes plenty to pay everything w/ quite a bit 'left over', I would suggest talking to a marriage counselor - because marriage should be a partnership, not a dictatorship or a 'roommate' situation.

But at the same time I would submit a bill to your husband each month for all of your services that you provide him (making lunch @ $8 per meal/supper @ $15-20 per meal, laundry @ $20 per load, housekeeping @ $100 per week & child care @ $400 per month... I think you can see where this is going... I would also charge for grocery shopping, sex and anything else you can think of...). Therefore he can pay 1/2 of that bill - trust me... paying the regular bills will be considered a picnic.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

More and more I hear this common complaint of how relationship don't work financially. Well, I have a couple quick questions to ask you. Do you feel secure in your marriage? Does you husband? The way you talk about your finaces makes me wonder what you two are trying to hide from one another. My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have had a joint checking and savings account since our wedding date! The household bills are not meant to be split but shared just like the household duties. Since when do we treat our marriages like we treat room mates or renters? Honestly if you two are married and have the responsibility of a son then it shouldn't be who makes the money but a shared responsibility and effort to create a loving secure enviornment for your family. If you want to keep separate accounts that's fine but keep one together where the money is all deposited then each of you take an allowance from it into your separate accounts after all the bills have been paid.
Momma_Bear

Answer 4

I agree with pretty much everyone else, pool the money, pay the bills, and split the rest. It doesn't sound like a good situation, and he doesn't sound like he wants to bend.

If he can't agree to something more like a partnership, then I would charge him for daytime babysitting.
Get two or three quotes for daycare, average them out, and make him pay you half of that as if the child really were in daycare.
If you were separated or divorced, he would have to pay you money in addition to what you earn, as child support.
If you were working outside the home, he (and you) would have to pay for daycare.

In addition to that, if you are the one doing all the cleaning around the house and he's not doing his fair half of the household chores, get some quotes on housekeepers, and have him pay half of that. Keep in mind that a housekeeper or maid is not going to do nearly enough, they only do some cleaning and the daily stuff will still need to get done. So if you do that, get a list of what they do, and make sure that after he pays for half of it, you split the rest of the work.

The guys likes to split things, let him! In the end you'll probably get paid a lot more than him if he paid half to you for what you do around the house and with your child.

Don't be afraid to point out to him what it would cost him if you moved out. Take the upper hand.

Answer 5

It depends upon the couple and their financial life plans... some couples keep finances separate, but put a certain amount into the pot for bill paying. Others, just pool all of their money, and pay bills from what both make.

Before we get married, finances is one thing which needs to be discussed and agreed upon.....when it's not, situations such as yours tend to arise.

You and your husband might consider sitting down and calmly discussing these things... with each of you giving your feelings on the matter, as well as coming to some sort of sound agreement and / or compromise.

all the best!

Answer 6

The way it's set up at our house is:
It's all *ours*. All the money is considered to be joint property. There aren't any arguments about 'my money' versus 'your money'. It's all managed in one account system, and we work together on paying bills so both of us know how much is coming in and what it's going out for.

I am really concerned because what you're describing is a sure fire formula for some very bitter resentment. I would encourage you and your husband to consider renegotiating - everybody gives 100%, not half-and-half. Get this thing turned around now because the road you're on is littered with the bodies of dead marriages.

Answer 7

That doesn't seem fair....If he really wants you to pay your share of the bills it should be based up on how much you make....and being that you also work...why is it that he does nothing to help you with the household chores?? I am a SAHM.....I do all the household chores..because my husband works 70 to 80 plus hours a week...I know that if I did work outside the home...there would be no "my money and your money"....we would put both checks into a checking account and pay the bills from there....Some people do split their bills up and it works for them...but for others...such as yourself...it is a bone of contention it seems....

Answer 8

First problem you have calling "his" or "her" money. When your married it should be combined. You make a family together not half yours half mine. What should happen is combine wages together and pay bills then have left over money to save. Unless you have a marriage of convenience that makes a big difference, then your just staying together and sharing expenses. Might want to have a budget talk to your hubby and what your financial beliefs are.

Answer 9

it is different for every couple. my husband and i have our paychecks deposited into a joint acct that we both have 100% access to. so, any bills that get paid come out of our shared money. we have savings goals and have agreed not to spend over $250 on anything without checking with each other first.

i have a friend who splits all bills and grocery costs 50-50 with her husband. they don't make the same amount, but it is close enough that both of them are ok with the situation. their deal is that they can spend the remainder of their money on anything they want without having to "check" with each other.

my parents have a joint acct and each also has separate savings. my mother paid all the smaller bills, while my father paid the mortgage and car pymts. their expenditure on the bills is about equal even though my mom makes more than my father.

i think you should talk to your husband. discuss (not argue or accuse) your feelings and try to come to an agreement on a pymt method that you both are comfortable with. state your points rationally and calmly.

Answer 10

Duties? I think you're both holding up on the income part,
whatever each of you are making. However, a family is just that.
Where income is pooled together, and someONE handles the budget, while hopefully putting something into a 'fun fund", as well as an emergency fund., having excess remaining. Both have access to funds without draining the pot. Any LARGE purchase requires a consultation between both.