I have been married for 8 years and I am coming to realize that my husband doesn't like me. He would never say it but he hates me. He hates my clothes, my hair, even my pajamas and makeup. Basically anything that isn't tshisrt, jeans and ponytail. He looks at me with disgust and I am not even comfortable around him because I feel like I am constantly being judged. It's humiliating and I am embaressed around him because I can tell he just thinks I look stupid. He says he likes certain things, like a sweater and then later when I put it back on, he looks at me with that look, and it goes into the closet forever. He has told me before that I am not the best looking person he's dated so I feel a need for his approval, but I can't ever get it. Why is he with me if he doesn't like the way I look or dress? I don't want to be the wife who embaresses her husband but I feel like I do.
2007-12-04 08:11:20 · 42 answers · asked by suitablepenname 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
remind me again why you two got married??? you need to get out!
2007-12-04 08:15:01 · answer #1 · answered by girliebutstrong 4 · 10⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is find a comfortable look for you. Yes, you should care about how you look in your husband's eyes, but in the long run it is your skin, body and hair that you are in and you are the one who has to be comfortable with it. Then when you find your comfort level you will become more confident about how you look and confidence exudes sexiness. You will see it probably first on the faces of other men and women in the world around you who take notice. That, in turn, will come through to your husband (or at least it should). And if it doesn't then it is his problem to deal with. Know this: you were single before you met him, and if you were forced to you could find another one to replace him.
2007-12-04 08:27:05 · answer #2 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop being so sensitive to the way he looks at you. Did you like the sweater? Do you like your hair, makeup, clothes, and pajamas? If yes then wear the sweater, do your makeup the way you like it, and sleep in the clothes you choose. You seem to be uncomfortable with who you are. Stop worrying so much about who he wants you to be and be happy with who you are. People are attracted to confidence, including your husband. If you are confident in the person you are, and the style you have, then he will be too. And if he isn't, too bad for him. You need to do things that make you happy, not him. I think sometimes you are projecting your own insecurities in some of these looks he gives.
2007-12-04 08:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is never to leave a marriage unless u no longer love the person, or there is abuse.........and this is a case of mental abuse for sure. His statement of "you are not the best looking person I have dated" was very demeaning and cruel. You need to get out before you lose all your self-esteem and self-respect. You need to be with someone you can be totally comfortable with knowing that they love you for who u are and think you are beautiful no matter what u are wearing. Maybe he will realize what he has lost once you are gone.
2007-12-04 08:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there are 3 options, either (the worst) he is attratced to some other women & comparitevely he finds u unattractive or he is completely bored of u or ( most proably) , he loved u the way he first saw u (with ponytails, jeans, etc...) but now with ur pyjamas & ur clothes & hair (if it is old-stye), he is probably bored with it.
i don´t if it´s the answer u want, but it´s most probably one of these 3.
p.s. for such q´s , only take answers from a man seriously, b´coz women will be biased & support u, no matter what.
2007-12-04 08:22:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need is not a perfect sweater, but some self-confidence. You are beautiful, regardless of what he or anyone else thinks. Dress yourself, for you, not for him. If he says anything or looks at you, give him the go to H*ll look. You know the one! You'll notice his attitude change. Then approach him about the issues you have noted here. If he does not care, then it's time to leave girl.
2007-12-04 08:19:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow thats kind of screwed up. Honestly maybe you need to ask him this instead of a bunch of strangers and if he dosen't like you then maybe it's time ot move on and out and dont' let him mess with your head so much. If you stay wiht him you will never have a good sense of self worth or be able to teach your kids one either. You marry someone because you love them and want to be with them not only based on looks.
There are better people out there for you and you deserve better get out of that destructive relationship.
2007-12-04 08:24:06 · answer #7 · answered by life as we know it 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey it is mental and verbal abuse, do not put up with it, I feel sorry for you, you knew what he liked and did not like about you, but you still got married?? Why?? Did he make you think that you can not do any better when you were dating??? And you believed him??? Honey, you can do better, I am really sorry you believed him, but you need to get out and get some self-esteem!!!!
You need to go to a shelter or a relatives house and get away from him, he is bringing you down, and you do not need that, what did your family say when you were dating him, I bet they did not like him or his ways at all, and yet you still married him.
You made a choice, a bad choice, and now you have to get out of it, you can do it, you just leave.
You are strong, you are beautiful and you are powerful, you have to do this for yourself, you have your whole life ahead of you, do not waste it by being married to this jerk!!!!!
2007-12-04 08:21:09 · answer #8 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe in the institution of marriage. And I can get you three pieces of advice. A. go to counseling B. leave him
C. Ask yourself and him why the hell he married you if he feels this way?
In my opinion he's just doing this to keep you down. It's a control thing. And you should never feel like this. You should feel like the queen that you are!
You need to understand that you're actually in an abusive relationship!
Good luck to you!
2007-12-04 08:17:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He basically doesn't like himself. He is insecure and he is afraid if he tells you how good you look that you might get the big head and leave him. He wants you to dress average so that you don't get any attention when you go out. You should go shopping and buy what you like. What he is doing is wrong and it's working. Don't follow him up, he's not happy and that's why he's making your life a living hell.
2007-12-04 08:24:31 · answer #10 · answered by KSR 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be with a man who loves all of you for YOU.
I'm pretty unforgiving, so if I were you I would have dumped him ages ago.
Have more self-respect than to live with a man who makes you feel worthless.
I'm sure he's no hot $h!t...and he's just doing this to make himself feel better and superior. He's scum. No good man, let alone husband, should ever do that.
I'd say leave him and find a REAL man. You sound kind and sincere, I'm sure there are other guys out there who would respect and love you no matter what.
DUMP HIM!
2007-12-04 08:16:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋