How can you tell when someone is pulling the victimization card?

Question

How can we tell the difference? I believe the victimization card will do people more harm than good, whether it's race, gender or one's past. But how can you tell if someone is "falling back" on their victimhood, or not?

But past trauma or race do have an impact in our lives, you can't just deny it.

Answer 1

Though it is harmful we like to romanticize pain and suffering. Before few months i met an author from Mauritius who had written nothing but about pain, agony and suffering which she had undergone while growing up. It occurred to me had she written about nice things in life such as success after struggling, hope etc it may have generated much enthusiasm amongst her readers.

i also dwell into past and sometimes fall in playing the V card but again as everyone says here am aware of the harmful effects. Some people just take long to move out of the umbrella of self pity

Answer 2

To many times people allow something bad to Define their life instead of moving forward.

When it comes to race issues it really depends on the families as most of that is now taught. I have seen people
deep with hate for something that happened to their great grandparents (slavery) I have seen others who suffered much more recent (Japanese war camps) who had no anger but happy that they were restored and whole again. Its a willingness to let the past be in the past and to let tomorrow be something new. (this is one small example of race differences not to say that it could not be vise versa ect)

When it comes to what has personally happened in our life it goes back to what I said at the top whether they allow something to Define the rest of their life or whether they will allow it to be a bad "chapter" of their life.

I have seen some that are really still struggling to deal with pain and memories 20 years later, others pull it up whenever they want an excuse "I can't do such and such---" ect.
To try to figure out who is genuine and who is using it as a crutch would take a psychologist although after a while you can get a feel for what type its still something you are guessing at with out any real knowledge to back it up.

I normally just shy away from those who play the poor baby me type card alot whether its race, gender, past abuse's ect from my experiance the ones who mention it often are the ones "hiding behind it" or rather carrying it like a banner, the ones still suffering still have a hard time convening thoughts and emotions on what happened.

Answer 3

I may use the "victimization card" at any time but I wouldn't know if that was what it actually was...I was attacked in my apt several years ago and he almost killed me, threatened to, I was traumatized, had to go to court for a year and a half with the other dozen or so victims, and I was the only one who called the police and stopped the guy. I was criticized for not wanting to go to court every couple of weeks for this case; finally the guy hanged himself in his cell and became paralyzed so they dropped the charges because he was paraplegic.
So...I suppose I play the "victimization card" every time I get upset about something...but then, we are all victims of our pasts whether we realize it or acknowledge it.

Answer 4

Hard to say. Sometimes it's obvious, tho. And yeah, I agree that playing the victim hurts the one playing it more than anyone else. It keeps you stuck and believing you are unable to effect positive change in your life because of what has happened to you. It's a trap that can be worse than the original harm.

My former mum-in-law basically pulled out the "but I was abused!" card EVERY time someone tried to call her on her often out-of-control temper. So when the "vic" keeps bring up past trauma over and over and over, that's one way to tell.

Answer 5

"Woe is me."

When I was a kid, that little sentence said it all... for people who'd call to themselves, about their problems... or wallow in victimization... let it become your IDENTITY... or get on a soap box about how their problem entitles them to something or other in return, or for free... today, that sense of entitlement runs rampant. It gets media attention. No matter how insignificant or how devastating the vicitimization... (ex. your fiancee is out getting some lap-dances & whatever with his friends the night before your wedding -- he's shot/killed by police as details are sketchy about how he'd tried to run them over with his car, etc. etc. -- and what do you do? WHY OF COURSE, you run out get a new weave, a nice dress and do a live interview on Larry King even before the funeral mass, to maximize your exposure and capitalize, before someone's said you're pretty and perfect for the camera, and you've always wanted to do some TV.. so why not!)

The victim wants to be a star, is what I'm saying -- and uses the topic over & over, if anyone will listen.

Answer 6

When they start blaming outside forces for their failures in life.

Update: if someone's a victim of a crime or abuse, that is a valid reason to have issues. I'm not talking about serious things like that. I'm talking about people who just randomly blame the system or feminism or whatever for their failures when they should be taking some responsibility for their actions instead.

Answer 7

Most people who play the victim role are those who express themselves in emotions, such as, self-pity followed by the "I" problem of, "I've done this, I've done that and no one does anything for me" speech.

The only harm it will ever do, is to themselves, as you have said. Victimizing themselves through self-pity only makes them insecure and weak from themselves. I do believe it's a self-pity addiction and wanting pity from others to validate their own unworthiness, to themselves. People who suffer from self-pity, need to find themselves, get out of that depressing mode and find self-worth. After all, they are the only ones that can do that. People can't do it for them, they have to do it for themselves.

Answer 8

I usually think that someone is Not playing a victimisation card if they are pointing out a real wrong.

I think someone Is playing a victimisation card if I see they have personal failures and problems and blaming it all on someone else instead of making efforts for themself.

p.s. Lioness .. Awwww CUUUTE! :)

Answer 9

By how much control they have in that situation.

Example:

True victim: House burns down from bad wiring

Victim Card: House burns down from leaving a candle lit or dropping a cigarette.

A true victim is careful.. a fake victim is careless and takes no responisility.

Answer 10

It's so hard to tell these days with so many people doing it.