2007-12-04 07:33:34 · 29 answers · asked by lookandcomprehend 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Trivia
A man is hit by a car, and wakes up in hospital. He screams out "Doctor, doctor. I can't feel my legs!!"
The Doctor comes over to him and says, "Don't worry, your legs are fine. We had to cut your arms off."
2007-12-04 09:28:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The one told by the funniest man in the world
2007-12-04 07:36:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
George Bush
2007-12-04 07:41:41 · answer #3 · answered by shy4atart 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with the wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail since she was expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: November 18, 2004
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS. Sure is freaking hot down here.
2007-12-04 07:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
apparently this:
A teacher stands up in front of her disobedient class, and shouts "Right! Anyone who thinks that they have more than two brain cells sit down and shut up. Now!!".
The whole class quickly sits down quietly and have been like this for a few seconds when little Johnny stands up. The teacher, who has had enough smart *** comments from little Johnny over the years, simply says "Johnny, do you think you have two or less brain cells?".
Without hesitation he says "Oh no, not at all. I just felt sorry for you standing up there all by your self."
2007-12-04 07:43:31 · answer #5 · answered by Chewyconor 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Two Rabbis walking past a Catholic Church read a sign that says
"Become a Catholic and earn $500"
The first one says to the other "Hey, I could use that money"
The second says "You can't do that, You're Jewish"
The first one says "I know, but I need that money"
So he goes in while the second one waits outside by the front doors.
About a half hour later the first one comes out.
The second one asks "Well, did you become a Catholic?"
The first says "Yes, Um, hum"
The second asks "So, did you get the money?
The first one says "Is THAT all YOU PEOPLE EVER THINK ABOUT!!"
2007-12-05 15:30:40 · answer #6 · answered by Hayseedless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
man takes his wife to play her first round of golf, about to tee off he tells her - just aim as straight as you can youll be ok. the woman slices her shot and smashes straight through the window of one of the houses that run down the side of the fairway, infuriated the man says to his wife were gonna have to go round there and offer to pay for any damage. reaching the front door its already open so they go in and theres the glass on the floor, the golf ball, a genies lamp and a genie, the man apologises and the genie replies "not a problem after all youve freed me from that lamp after a thousand years and to repay yous i grant yous each a wish but i grant myself a wish first. my wish is to take your wife upstairs and do what i choose. ok agrees the man so off the genie and the wife go, hours later both lying exhausted the genie turns to the wife and asks "how old is your husband?" 45 replies the wife - thats amazing says the genie - 45 and he still believes in genies! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - LMFHRO
2007-12-06 00:30:08 · answer #7 · answered by emma h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The joke that you think is the funniest..., then is the most funniest....
2007-12-04 12:38:42 · answer #8 · answered by Lachinos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably impossible to say because what is funny to one person may not be funny to another.
I like these, among hundreds.
A guy has the letter "M" tattooed on each butt cheek. When he turns cartwheels it spells, "WOW, MOM, WOW."
A guy dies and goes to hell. A demon escorts him around and tells him he has his choice of one of three rooms in which to spend eternity. The first room has thousands of people standing on their heads on a rough-hewn wood floor, moaning and groaning as large splinters stick in their scalps.
He decides not to stay there and they go to a second room where there are tens of thousands of people standing on their heads on a hard marble floor. They are moaning and groaning from the pain and the cold marble.
He decides not to stay there and they go to a third room where there are hundreds of thousands of people standing up to their necks in a lake of manure drinking coffee. He thinks, "well, I may get used to the odor and I'll get coffee to drink" so he decides to stay there. As he wades out with a cup of coffee, the huge doors slam shut.
A loudspeaker on the wall comes on.
O.K. folks, coffee break's over.
Back on your heads!
2007-12-04 13:45:16 · answer #9 · answered by Gerald G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are Pirates called Pirates?
Because they Arrrr!
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
2007-12-04 07:47:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Are you trying to get people submit their jokes...And you-in heaven-will decide which joke appeals you the most. I heed your intention!.
Well here is a joke: The one who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
2007-12-04 07:37:34 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋