Who has been effected by alcoholics?

Question

My sister in law has been living with and dating a guy for 5 years now. She has a child from another marriage and one with this guy. He is an alcoholic. For the past 5 years his drinking has steadily increased, also causing my sister in law to drink more than she should be. Over the past year things have really gone down hill. It reminds me of my life growing up. My step dad was a drunk too. Her bf has not been going to work, drinking more, becoming verbally abusive towards her and although she says it hasnt happened, I have heard of even some physical violence between them. Her oldest child is scared of her boyfriend. He has a lot of emotional problems, and behavior issues. I know the things that alcoholics do to maniuplate the ones they are with. The promising a change, the things will get better saying.. all of that. What i want is some true stories, if you are willing to share, some stories of how and why you finally had to leave the situation so I can show her some truths.

Answer 1

My brother is married to an alcoholic. She is a terrible angry irrational drunk. And I guarantee that a Canadian court will give her the kids anyway if he divorces her.

Answer 2

My dad is an alcoholic. I left when I was 18 and old enough to move. I moved three hours away. I made sure that I married a man that does not drink and no one in his immediate family drinks either. Living with an alcoholic is like living with Doctor Jkyle and Mister Hyde. You never know if they are going to be in a good mood or if they are in a drunkin stooper. They can be sly and cunning on minute and the next they are yelling and telling you how much they hate you. They always have to havea scapegoat and blame others for their drinking. I.E. I wouldnt drink if you werent such a *****. Some of the things that they do damages your self-esteem. They are verbally, emotionally and sometime physically abusive. You learn to move on but you never forget the things that are said and done to you. My dad said and did many things when he was drinking that he doesnt even remember. I remember them quite well. An alcoholic doesnt change unless he/she sees that they havea problem. Most of the time they never see it and it take them loosing everything or almost loosing everything. My dad has been to that point more than once and never seems to learn from it. It is very sad to see your loved one killing themselves. I know that my dad will probably die early of some form of cancer or other liver disease. It is inevitable. Alcohol ruins bright people that could offer so much if they would only gain the self control to stop what they are doing. it is a lack of self control and a bit of selfishness that makes them drink. They sure havea good way of making the people they live with think they are to blame. It is especially hard on little children. Your SIL is going to have to make the decision to gat her and her child out of the situation they are in. It is in the best interest of that child that she do so.

Answer 3

As much as the person is adicted to alcohol so is her/his partner adicted to the alcoholic. There isn't much you can do, they are doing fine as they are believe it or not, or they prefer that than being without alcohol or the person who is addicted to. Don't worry, as soon as one say it's enough, someone is going to make the first step out of the relationship but for now, believe it or not even when things are doing downhill, is a lot worse in your eyes than in their eyes.

The end of this story for persons in the shoes of your sister (shes she has chosen) is that she will end up in a hospital, then back to the guy because the guy will tell her he has changed or will decide to go by herself as a single person and not until then is when the guy will finally start recovering, not before.

All cases are the same. If your sister wouldn't allow drinking in excess, would have gotten rid of the guy 4 years and 364 days ago (or something like that).

Answer 4

If you want some truths for her, you should have her talk to a counselor at a womens shelter. They will have plenty of stories of the people they SAVE every day from alcoholic/abusive boyfriends and husbands who promise they will get better and end up beating the crap out of the women and children. She is not alone in the slightest. It can be scary, but there is help. Do a search on the net for local womens shelters or aid for abused women or just ALANON, a group for friends/family of alcoholics/drug abusers. Good luck

Answer 5

well, depending on how much you drink..you may get drunk as a future effect. and even though it seems like its light years into the future, there is often a hangover involved..which always comes way sooner than the future 'drunk you' thinks it will. as far as drinking an alcoholic (human being with a drinking problem) ..i wouldnt recommend it. though you may consume some alcohol initially, the future effect is miniscule and short in duration. There is also a high possibility of ingesting viral matter, pertaining to std's, hiv/aids, the common cold..etc. Your also alot less likely to get arrested (as a future effect) if you just go buy a bottle of alcohol from the liquor store, as opposed to drinking a drunk.

Answer 6

Your sister might be what is know as co-dependent.
Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behavior which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.

Yes, alcoholics are extreme manipulators and will often seek out women that are susceptible to co-depandant behavior with out even realizing it. This is a mental disorder and if you present it to her her initial response will be defensive. However if you show her literature on the subject she might be more apt to listen. So, basically your dealing with 2 people with the same but different mental disorders that have become each others crutch. It's a sad affair and if you really want to do something I would suggest calling someone at the Alanon hot line for advice on how to approach it.

Best of luck I hope this helps.

Answer 7

My mother was an alcoholic and it forced me to grow up and get myself into situations I was way too young to be able to mentally and emotionally deal with. I too left home many times but for good when I was 16. I was the only kid in my entire school who had to worry about paying bills, fixing my car by my damn self and never had the chance to excel. If I were raised in a normal home I probably would have graduated from college and had a good career. But instead I have had to work for every single penny I got the hard way. But it did teach me a lot about myself and other people. I drink but I could never let it interfere with my life. Alcoholism hurts more people than they think it does. Do you think my mom realises that she ruined my life out of her selfishness? Probably not.

Answer 8

My dad is an alcoholic. My dad was abusive, physically, emotionally, and mentally. One night, my dad was all screwed up on painkillers and booze, and he started pushing my mom around, so after he stopped, I told my mom if she didn't call the cops, I would. Anyway, she called the cops and they took him. She was gonna kick him out; my brother and I wanted him out, but she ended up letting him back in. I moved out a few months later. I couldn't handle it. This was the most recent incident. :-/

Your sister needs to get out now. It's not like they are married anyway. She needs to do it for the kids. No matter what. She needs to have faith that everything will work out. If not, the situation will escalate and she'll regret not leaving sooner. She can get a community counseling advocate to help her. When she wants to leave, get the cops to be there when she leaves so nothing happens. Find out what kind of resources you have in the community and utilize them. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 9

I was married to a functional alcoholic, and he was abusive, both verbally, and physically. After 4 kids, and 8.5 years, I couldn't take anymore. He was not bad to the kids, only me. I finally got a divorce and after 1 year meet a man that wanted to get married and help me raise my kids. 31 years later he passed away, and we where heart broken, because he was better as a father than their own, and treated me like a queen. Your sister is drinking to drown her own misery, and hurting her kids worse than she is hurting herself. If you must take the kids away from her, that is if you love them, and want the best for them. That might wake her up, when she loses her kids, because it will happen, either by the courts or death.

Answer 10

My mom was a drunk. No one in the family thought it was that bad. Of course I was young at the time but knew my mom had issues. Things got really bad after her parents died. We lived just down the street from them. She lost her job and got us evicted. She told nobody until the last minute and my aunt let us move in with her. My mom manage to get another job while getting state aid and we moved somewhere else. Needless to say it got out of control again. I luckily was able to move out on my own. She lost everything and finally hit rock bottom. My uncle then got her into a rehab program. Luckily after about 2 years she is sober and is finally picking up the pieces.
For myself I told no one at school of my pain except one teacher who help me get in to AA meetings for teens. There are still at lot of bad memories and scars that over time haven't really ever healed. My mom never once said she was sorry or anything. I still love her but it is hard to believe for all we once had she has nothing to show for and is just getting by on social security.

Answer 11

My best friend was being abused by her alcoholic husband for the past few years. She has finally gotten a divorce! She had to come to this realization on her own, there was nothing I could do or say to convince her that he would not change!