Ok. So my Fiance got married in a foreign country a year ago, almost. WE were in an big fight at that point, and were not together. This was NOT a planned wedding between them. They are long time friends, and were NOT thinking. They went in front of a judge and did this secretly. And, I dont know why my fiance did this, as he knows he will not be going back to this country for a long, long, long time! Anyways, we have a baby together, and are now trying to work things out, and Im TRYING to forgive him for what he has done. Its not easy. Anyways, this girl he got together with, is a total nightmare! We are ion the process of filing this divorce, but they have not talked in at least 6 months now, and I see her page on friendster.com, so I know she is still around. But I think she is still pineing for MY man. So, I want to know, should I email her and tell her off (again) and tell her that we have gotten a lawyer and are filing this divorce? Becasue she is really pissing me off.
2007-12-04 07:13:39 · 28 answers · asked by BKR 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am 25 years old, and I know it sounds kinda imature, but she is totally trying to cause drama. She constantly posts pictures of the two of them together, that were taken a while back. And Im just sooo tired of this, its the first thing I think about everyday, that how can he do this to me... And Im trying to forgive him, as he doesnt love her. It was a mistake he keeps telling me. I have communicated with her before, and even spoke to her on the phone. Only to find out she was just doing it in malice! She is a real trouble maker, and I just dont know how to get over this, to forgive not for HIM, but to fogive him for ME! And MY sanity!
2007-12-04 07:16:12 · update #1
becasue the marriage in not legal here in the US, she doesnt have to sign, him filing the papers here in enough.... And they only knew each other for 5 weeks, this was a stupid vacation mistake... And I have been with him going on 2 years... So I know him very well, we have a 10 month old son together. So, actually I do have something to say about it. This is not just him and her, she knew about me, and decided to be stupid.
2007-12-04 07:22:24 · update #2
As per the comments about her having the "ring"... not hardly. She has NO diamond. She HAD some ring with a pearl. NOTIHING significant! I am the one with the DIAMOND ring, he has bought ME a REAL engagement ring. That has nothing to do with this anyways... I dont know what he was thinking, thats why he wants to forget about it, and move on. He doesnt even talk to her, SHE is the one who is trying to make me jealous, and maybe I am a little that he would do this with a stranger than doesnt even know him! Thats why I am TRYING to get over it!
2007-12-04 07:51:34 · update #3
He needs to be the one to tell her that he is filling for divorce, not you. He is the one that got himself in this, so if he wants to end it then he needs to do it all by himself.
2007-12-04 07:20:50 · answer #1 · answered by me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cheating during a deployment is very common, that said, it doesn't make it right. My son is in the military, has been deployed 5 times since 911. He tells me frequently about people he is serving with that are dealing with cheaters. Your husband needed to know if you cheated, he pushed your buttons until you caved and it worked. The soldier being cheated on has the mind set that they want to return home and have the divorce business over and done with so when they return they can start to move on. There is an act that prevents a soldier from divorce while deployed. The decision can be made to divorce, but the papers can not be final until they return. You my darling are the bad guy. You cheated and got caught. You expected a scolding and here is mine. What a thoughtless and wreck-less and selfish person you are. I don't care how lonely you got. I don't care what your reason was, there isn't a good one as far as I am concerned. Your husband, along with thousands of other soldiers, is over there risking life and limb and you are over here boinking some guy. Do you get it? He could die? And you are doing what? Expecting someone out there to say 'Oh, it's ok sweetie.' Well, this mother of a soldier who's wife did the same thing you did, is so thoroughly disgusted with your lack or character, I am actually disappointed in myself for waited my time responding to you.
2016-05-28 04:18:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't even get all the way through this because the first paragraph made my mouth drop. First, if something is done in secret its usually done for a reason. No one gets married on accident (not even Vegas weddings)! Marriage is serious and a big step. You've said you have a child with this man, but that's no reason to marry him.
Second, obviously he's not your man if she's still around. Truth is the girl isn't the one pissing you off. It's the guy! If she's still around its because he gives her reason.
This girl isn't bothering you. When he married her he gave her power and why you're even pursuing him is ludacris!
It doesn't matter if he is filing for divorce. Until the papers are finalized she is still his wife whether you like it or not.
You have no idea what story he's feeding her while he's telling you this was a mistake.
Did you ever stop think that if he really wanted to divorce this girl that he wouldn't need your help to do it?
2007-12-04 07:21:21 · answer #3 · answered by Scarlett 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Calling her and telling her anything before its done is stirring up drama. Sounds to me like you enjoy drama since you won't stop going to her friendster page and obsessing over something that won't even matter once the divorce is over with. This doesn't just sound immature, it IS immature.
And just a little personal opinionated question here, why in the world would you want a man who would be so stupid as to run off and get hitched on a whim? He didn't take that seriously why in the world would you believe you are any different? I feel sorry for your child....sounds as though it has two very immature parents. Good Luck none the less.
2007-12-04 07:22:57 · answer #4 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All you're doing is feeding her and giving her exactly what she wants. If she thinks that the two of you are just fine, that he has moved on, doesn't love her, etc... then she'll let it be. But guess what? IT HAS TO COME FROM HIM. Not you! This was HIS relationship, this is HIS divorce. HE needs to step up to the plate and take care of things.
Personally, I would have trust issues with this man. I realize you have a baby together. And I realize you have feelings for each other but there is a whole lot more to marriage than that.
And it sounds like he is not taking care of business and THAT is what is pissing you off more.
Stay away from her and her drama. Look at it from her side of the coin. She's hurt, they're married. Tell Mr. Duplicity to get this taken care of or it's bye bye bye.
2007-12-04 07:22:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
He is still HER husband. And, I would not go before the judge acting like the two of you hired the lawyer. Quit being in control and let him step up to the plate and take some responsibility for his actions and make his own decisions.If HE wants her to know, HE can tell her. Did they let YOU know when they were getting married? She probably feels the same way about you.It is his divorce.I think you are just a scorned woman and want to take control, and he is letting you since he is on the rebound already.Is this what you really want? Take care and Good Luck!
2007-12-04 07:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, really, your fiance has no one to blame but himself and his mindless action. Welcome to the real world. You don't get to say Oops, sorry, do over. Life does not work that way. Now. with that said and out of my system. You are only furthering her agenda by allowing for this to bother you. You have the guy, not her. All she has is a piece of paper and some pictures. He is with you and your baby, not her. Focus on that and don't even address her. Why do you think she is doing all that, to piss you off. And why do you let her? Let a lawyer to work on the divorce. It might take a long time and some money if she is really mean. But this is what is called a consequence. Does he deserve it? Probably not. Does he have to go through with it? Absolutely. You don't have to take it out on him anymore. I believe he has learned his life lesson, at a huge price. Hey, it's not too bad, at least he won't be doing anything stupid like that for a long time.
2007-12-04 07:25:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry, but you contradict yourself too much. You know him too well but you can't understand why he did this, and you defend him waaaayyy too much. If they haven't been in touch for 6 months, how come she is still bothering you so much and trying to steal him? I suggest counseling. No, I don't think you are crazy, but you are not dealing with things in a correct manner, if you were, you wouldn't be so on the defensive when people here tell you what you don't want to hear.
IMHO, you should leave him until he is divorced. Have HIM figure out how to get out of this mess. I think you are putting a lot more effort in divorcing him. Have him prove to you he really loves you by fixing his status himself. Use this time to fix yourself in therapy.
2007-12-04 09:53:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why are you giving this woman so much power over your life, the only person you can control is your self and the only way she can upset you is if you let her, and by the way he has nothing to apoligize for as you were not together at the time and it was none of your business so get off his back and blaming him before you end up driving him away. so what if she is still pining for him it is him u have to be sure of, grow up and as far as warning her about comming divorce papers do you want her to hide so she cannot be served with the papers. GROW UP AND ACT LIKE A MOTHER NOT SOME STREET TRAMP, YOU DONT FIGHT OVER A MAN if he dosnt want you than let him leave, this dosent seem to be the case here, and what kind of lesson will you be teaching your child, even though that child is still young, you need to grow up and act like an adult woman before your child gets much older ignore her and help your bf get this divorce if you can act like an adult doing it, and by the way it is his job to deal with her not yours, by helping him i meant by supporting him
2007-12-04 07:30:59 · answer #9 · answered by Dale T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, look let him handle this. This is of no concern to you . You are only going to complicate things. Let him and her do this. They entered into the marriage without you. It seems you are doing all the fighting and forgiving here and he is chuckling in the middle. I know that from your writing you really want this but maybe a change of scenery and people just may do you good. He seems confused and it in turn makes you sound delirious. I wish you well.
2007-12-04 07:22:48 · answer #10 · answered by lashenica j 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Someone who marries someone to spite someone else is really stupid! And you seem really desperate to stay with him.
Does he have a golden banana or something? How many other women are there lined up?
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but sweety, you REALLY need to think VERY carefully!
You need him to understand that he needs to get things sorted as soon as possible, and the two of you need to go for counseling! He also needs individual counseling so that someone can help him sort out his mind and help him decide what and who he wants in life!
Good luck!!! !!!
2007-12-04 07:23:39 · answer #11 · answered by Ethan-Mikyle's Mommy! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋