So my husband and I have been married now for 5years. When I met him he did not have a relationship with his mom I asked him to forgive her and get close with her again. We were married before I even knew her at a very small ceremony with a couple of friends there no parents. His mom holds this against me I mean we were married before I even met her. She says what kind of woman would marry a man without his mom there even though I didn't know her at all she carried hard feelings against me. So I just planned a huge wedding and renewed my vows to make her happy. But in all of our pictures she seems not to be smiling. We have a wonderful relationship and a beautiful daughter. She's always concerned with what people think about her not being at our first wedding. Even though all of his friends new about he and his mom's relationship. I'm just so ready to tell her I don't care anymore I don't want your acceptance and move on. What should I do?
2007-12-04 06:41:51 · 20 answers · asked by Debbie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I told her to ask my husband this but he says she never has discussed such a thing with him. She makes him thinks she loves me so much but when were alone she just seem so diffrent. What's with her
2007-12-04 06:48:06 · update #1
My husband has talked to her about this and she has assured him that she loves me. But this is not true and I don't want to keep going to him about this because there is no doubt in my mind that he will stop speaking to her and I want her to have a relationship with her son
2007-12-04 06:56:21 · update #2
Now u know why he didn't have a relationship w/ his mom - bet you wish you had let that sleeping dog lie. Don't waste your time arguing w/ the woman - it's easier for her to blame you than her son because that would beg the questionof where she went wrong. You can't make a miserable person happy.
If it's not too stressful, and you feel some compassion for this obviously lonely (yes, I know it's her fault) woman, continue to include her occasionally in family things, but set boundaries. If it is too stressful, then maybe you need to discuss cutting her off again.
2007-12-04 06:54:48 · answer #1 · answered by Amazing Man 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though you had good intentions by trying to fix the relationship between your husband and his mom, I am afraid by doing this displayed a lack of respect for his feelings. There was an obvious reason why your husband chose to not relate with his mother and unless he had asked you to intervene, you should have just left it up to him to work it out if he even felt the need to do so. Now, it is clear your mother in law is set on being unreasonable and therefore will cause problems. All you need to do now is try to have as little contact with her as possible. Call her once a month to see how she is, when and if she starts her complaints, simply ask permission to get off the phone by saying you have something important to attend to, end the call politely and soon enough she will get the hint. Best of luck to you!
2007-12-04 06:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello sweetie some mother-in laws be very glad you were fortunate enough for her not to be your birth mother(smile) I believe in respect and all that ,that word entails you have bent over backwards for this woman time out. The next time you see her you stand firm I would like to make this work between the two of us but you are gonna have to do your part, I have no animosity in my heart for you and I have tried to make this work and even please you I brought you and your son back together doesn't that count for something but i married your son not you and I will no longer been over backwards to please I have done that out of love for my husband If thing can not be worked out between us where we can be a loving family that's ok too but we will be cordial for your sons sake because if you lose him again you may never get him back Stop talking about the past It was not my fault what happen between you and your son happen before me. Maybe if you had reach out to him and tried to repair it then you would have been at the first wedding so stop blaming that on me you and your son need to take responsibility for that.Don't force your son to choose you over me because you may not like the outcome.Lets just try and move on if you want to. And if you don't want to let go of this pettiness then I will no longer try either enough is enough already.
2007-12-04 07:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by Back Field In Motion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She just seems to hold this resentment, and is taking it out on you... instead, she should be mad at your husband. For instance, I am at constant battle with my mother, but no matter what, I would invite her to my wedding, even if it is small. And for my brother, he has NO relationship with her at all, and she is constantly yelling at MY for that, and it tell her he is 23 and he can make up his own mind already what he wants to do with her, I cannot control her. Just luike you cannot control the fact he didnt want here there. Have you told her that even YOUR parents were not there. Not sure if it will make her feel better though. It kinda sounds like she is just trying to feel sorry for herself... I cant believe you planned to renewal of vows, and she came to that, and still is sour about it... Just give up already. Next year, she'll find another reason to be pissed off. Mother in laws... Like the movie, Monster in law. I swear! AHHH!!
2007-12-04 07:43:09 · answer #4 · answered by BKR 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be mean to her but don't let her actions toward you bother you either. My husbands mother was the same way with me, she acted like she loved me to death when my husband was around but when alone she just acted very indifferent. But I just remembered that I married my husband not her and to be quite honest over the years it has gotten better nut not perfect but I don't let it bother me!
If you have expressed your concerns to your husband then he needs to be the one to say something to her it is his mother. Plus he married you when she wasn't there you weren't the only one at the ceremony taking vows!!!
2007-12-04 06:57:19 · answer #5 · answered by Scorpio_sting 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you have tried, now its her turn. It's been 5 years, you aren't going to change her mind now. So guess you just be glad you have what you have and let the mother-in-law do her own thing. Has your husband tried to talk to her? He may have a better chance since he is her son.
No use beating yourself up over someone Else's short comings. If she wants to be bitter and selfish, let her, she's hurting herself more then she is hurting you. Let it go and forget about her rudeness, its her problem, not yours.
2007-12-04 06:52:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a very unhappy person and with someone like that it won't matter how hard you try..she will not like you because she has set out not to.
Just be polite when you are around her and don't go out of your way to be in her company. Unless a huge miracle happens and she decides to change you won't be able to do it for her. She is what she is. Sorry.
2007-12-04 06:59:47 · answer #7 · answered by wife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's a mal-content. She's projecting her issues on you. There's nothing you can do to make an unhappy person happy. Just love your husband and your relationship w/ him. Just accept the fact that she's who she is and she's passive aggressive. Life goes on. It could always be worse.
2007-12-04 07:07:37 · answer #8 · answered by MoonPie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-10 05:57:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think u should say anything just yet. but when she says or does something that is disrespectful to u make sure u let him no of it. that way when the right time comes to let her no how u really feel it doesnt seem like ur the bad one he'll no u had a good reason.
2007-12-04 07:30:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋