I was engaged 3 years ago but decided to call off the engagement when I found out my fiance was involved in criminal activities. When he found out he became very angry and beat and raped me (taking my virginity) and resulting in a pregnancy. Since I could not have an abortion I gave birth to the child and then he was adopted by a relative.
Now recently I recieved a marriage proposal from another man, who is Sikh, he knows I was engaged before... but he does not know that the bastard raped me. I care about this man very much and I believe that honesty and trust is a crucial foundation for any marriage to work successfully... so naturally I feel compelled to tell him-- and sooner that later-- but I am worried that once he knows he may see me as worthless or less of a woman since I am no longer a virgin or worse-- not want to marry me.
What are you opinions and views on this situation? Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you?
2007-12-04 05:55:02 · 10 answers · asked by Soleil Aditi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
**NOTE: My mother is from Punjab but I was born in Cairo and grew up in the States in an area where there were little to no Sikhs around. The man who has proposed to me however was born and raised in India... so there are clearly some cultural differences concerning virtue and whatnot and I guess that is my biggest reason for asking this question.
2007-12-04 06:03:02 · update #1
*** He already has a green card.
2007-12-04 14:33:55 · update #2
*** He's already been living in NYC for 8 years and has green card.
2007-12-04 14:34:41 · update #3
Sikhism is about honesty. I know it will be hard but I think you should talk to your guy about what happened. Just like you mentioned honesty and trust is a crucial foundation for any marriage to work succuessfully. It is natural to be worried about his reply, but have faith I think you'll be fine.
2007-12-04 06:05:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am very sorry to hear about your past, but its good to hear you are finding happiness after everything that happened to you. I think that you really need to share this information with him, he has the right to know what you have gone through in your life and I am sure he will be very shocked and depending on his personality he may not accept the circumstances but I think if he understands you and accepts you for who you are not your unfortunate circumstances then you will know that this is truly the right man for you. The only concern I will have is that you said you are from the US and he is from India so I think he will be getting his green card through you to come to US am I right? Please make sure this man is marrying you for the right reasons and not just because your a US citizen, I know so many people who went through this. Just proceed with caution cuz I would hate for you to have any more grief in your life, you never know he can use this information against you in the future after he gets his green card by saying he married you under false pretenses, I know this sounds so malicious but it happens ALOT unfortunately. I wish you all the happiness and best of luck to you.
2007-12-04 14:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by Ashiya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the whole story without hiding anything.If he is in love with you , he won't mind what happened with you in the past.Otherwise you will have trauma later on.Even the relative who has adopted the child of yours may blackmail you.Why not keep your conscience clean. You are not responsible for what happened to you.I am sure , the man will still love you and marry you.
God bless
P.S.I am a psychic astrologer and a numerologist.If you have any problem , just write to my astro-service email address.....astroyogi_speaks@yahoo.com
I shall help you
God Bless
2007-12-04 06:05:00 · answer #3 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sikhism my opinion is you tell every thing about ur self this is the mater of your hol life and relation must develp on the trust i thank u are discuss about the sikh the same story of like you another u discuss abot culture if you marry with his so you are both of involve in difrent culture
2007-12-04 16:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by adnbash76 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. A marriage without honesty is no marriage.
2. If this new man rejects you because you're no longer a virgin, then he is NOT the right man for you to begin with.
2007-12-04 06:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he a virgin? Regardless, truth is the foundation of a good marriage. Someone's past is just that, the past. If this is a problem for him then you're better off without him.
2007-12-04 06:00:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. In this day and age if he can't accept that rape is never a womans fault then he probably isn't as mature as you think. Also can you live in a marriage everyday knowing this is between you. Good luck I wish you the best!
2007-12-04 06:00:17 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of the outcome, you should tell him. If he lets religious practices stop his love for you, then he is not right for anyway. Cross religious marriages are very hard to uphold. Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
2007-12-04 06:05:33 · answer #8 · answered by just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My spouse and that i had one substantial different each and every till now we met one yet another and with human beings which only elect each and every others virginity. do not permit human beings fool you, it does reason jealousy for the two companions. It does not propose each and every others companions have been extra advantageous, they weren't. They have been only there first. once you're youthful your hormones are raging because of the fact nature is telling you its time to bond and mate. delivery administration prevents that from happening yet maximum cases we get the mating section incorrect. additionally many young human beings think of intercourse facilitates bond a pair. It would not. ninety% of girls and men human beings do not even think of with regards to the 1st lover. They see that guy or woman as a mistake. reality is each and every thing our previous companions weren't we recent in one yet another. We dumped them to be with one yet another. purely we had to do is wait to locate one yet another yet we tousled. So think of roughly what you elect.
2016-12-10 12:26:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should tell him no matter what happens because if you dont youre going to feel like you lied to him. Explain to him that it wasnt your fault... that you were not willing to give up your viginity but it was taken from you. He should understand. I dont know why he wouldnt. I do undestand the fact that you are scared because eastern religions put a great deal of importance on viginity. good luck!
2007-12-04 05:59:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋