Been married for 16yrs, have 2 kids. One is grown and moved out. She wants to start her own business and I work nights till 10 pm. Our schedules are opposite. Recently she has been so involved with her business we have not had time to be intimate with one another. I love her still. This is from a man's perspecitive, and yes I do help out around the house to keep it going while we are in this time of change. Any advice to help get us in the bed would greatly be appreciated. Thank you.
2007-12-04 05:10:24 · 36 answers · asked by meiyotora 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Congrats on the 16 years, all I can suggest is maybe planing a day away together, don't say it is for sex, but get a hotel somewhere out of town in a nice area, and tell her you just miss spending time with her
MO
2007-12-06 01:39:15 · answer #1 · answered by MOs fishin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm guessing by your question that you are not happy with the way things are.
Frankly, I don't think it's healthy, or good. Not when both partners are healthy and there are no medical reasons to be forced into celibacy.
You really don't say how long it's been since ya both enjoyed one another.
I can understand how you are feeling, and I can understand how this new business is important to your wife.
My only suggestion is to arrange for a weekend get away. And if that is too pricey, then send the kid that is home still, off to grandma and grandpas, and have a wild weekend at home.
Explain to your wife that you miss her. LOL Try putting her ina chair and blindolding her, gently tying her, and then teasing her with kisses and light touches... Don't fly in right in for a quickie, but woo her....flowers, wine,...candle lit bath....a nice long slow massage....all the while NOT touching her too intimately....get her to where she can't wait to get to you....make her want it.....LOL Sometimes there nothing so sexy as a man that says No no no...not yet. Then take your time, and show her what she has been missing.
You can unplug the phone from the wall, turn the cel phones off...watch the movie 91/2 weeks and take some ideas and run with them....food can be a great turn on... so can some stuff around the house. be imaginative....cuz if ya wanna keep getting some, yer gonna have to remind her that she really had a good time, and wants another one.
Just cuz you've been married for 16 years ya can't lose the heat that warmed ya up.
2007-12-04 05:29:39 · answer #2 · answered by Tira A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, yes a marriage can survive being sexless... at least for a while. You aren't married for the sex, but for the companionship/relationship.
If I were you (from a woman's perspective) I'd ask her what I could do to help her start her business. She's trying to redefine her place in the world now that her children are grown and flying the nest. You need to reassure her that you're still behind her 100% and that she's an attractive woman to you. Ask her to sit down with you and schedule a date night so that you guys can reconnect and work on communication (the best way to a woman's heart/bed IMO). Take her out to eat and talk about your week/her week. Ask questions about her life, how she feels about where she's going, how she feels about your relationship. Be romantic. After a few months of this you'll be back in the sack... then ask her to renew your vows and go on a second honeymoon!!
Blessings to you.
2007-12-04 07:08:38 · answer #3 · answered by phoenix4404 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can definately survive this as long as you are both still in love. You need to make a date night for each other on a day you both have off, even if it's only once a month you need to plan a date night that is just for the two of you. Go see a movie or have dinner etc. and it will set the mood and relax you both away from your busy schedules so that when you return home you can have each other intimately.
2007-12-04 05:20:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way is to be honest. You both have been married for so long, and you have talked about so many things, that this only another thing to talk about.
Sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. Communication is the best way to understand each other. Tell her that love her and that you miss the intimate time. And that you are undestanding that she need to dedicate more time to her business, but ask her how can you help her so that she can make a little time for intimate time.
Make sure you use the right tone when talking to her. You dont want to make her feel guilty or you dont want to sound upset. Best way is to be calm and just tell it like it is!
If she loves you and wants to be with you she will make the time.
Good luck.
2007-12-04 05:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by sweetsarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A marriage doesn't have to be without sex even with different schedules. I see my wife maybe three hours a day, less than that if you count when the kids are with us. we have sex every day. usually 2 or three times. I work 7p to 7a she works 9a to 6p. get up a little early morning sex is great. wake her when you get home from work ( don't wake her and ask if you can get some) crawl in bed and seduce her. she'll know that after all this time you still love and desire her. every chance you have 20 minutes, make her the center of attention. Don't just do it for your own pleasure " make it all about her, leave a rose on the bed before you go to work" 16 years wow in this day and age thats a long time. rekindle the passion. Good Luck!
2007-12-04 05:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by fishinbum 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 thing I can tell you is don't be a Rat and cheat. Let him know that you two need to get it going on. And if he's with it take it so. I don't know how you seduced him but, did you get clear picture of what he likes and use it to help the situation? As, far as him dealing with ex then he's more messed up then he lets on. He's in a new relationship and still struggling with issues of an old one. Something is really going on. I don't know how to treat clinical depression except for "Distracting Pleasure". Do something for yourself and him. Tease him by pleasuring yourself in front of him or do it via Skype (Thank you Kendra Basket). Try you being alone and take some arousal aids and then see what happens after that. If the still isn't the key. You need to leave and move on. But, once again, don't Be A Filthy Rat and cheat. It's not worth your dignity.
2016-04-07 08:07:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be able approach her and honestly talk about what is on your mind. She might not be realizing that she is neglecting you or actually you both are neglecting each other. Find one day a week that can be yours. If it's not possible find at least one hour a day (or one hour in two days and so on) which you agree to have to spend together. If you plan your ahead, you will be able to find the time. But you need to plan and stick with it.
Stop by her office during lunch and have a quickie in the bathroom. :) Have a phone sex or send her some naughty messages. And so on. As long as you both are willing to participate, you will be able to do that. But first of all, talk to her!
2007-12-04 05:18:21 · answer #8 · answered by terliuke 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Conflicting schedules can be a major pain and a problem in the bedroom because of long hours and exhaustion. Make time even if its a few times a wk and it doesnt even have to be full blown sex just a lot touching holding fondling and cuddling can help heat things up just to get to that point where you find yourslvs wanting eachother more so u will make an effort to make time to have sex.
2007-12-04 05:16:10 · answer #9 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is something you need to talk to your wife about. It's also something you have to make time for, no matter how busy you are. Let her know that you don't mind her starting a business, but that you don't want to sacrifice intimacy in return. She knows you work until 10 at night; so she'll have to schedule her time accordingly. You've got to be honest and straight forward on this one.
2007-12-04 05:26:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋