My fiance, whom I dated for more than 4 years broke up with me in June, 5 days before our wedding, I thought we had an AMAZING RELATIONSHIP and would do anything for her. Needless to say I was completely and utterly devastated. She told me she needs to find herlsef and her individuality. I miss her more than words and it is now December. I have only heard from her once when she returned the ring. My mother almost had a nervous breakdown when she found out what happened., I have been pretty depressed. I have been seeing a therapist ,which helps me. How do try to move on, I have been trying to keep myself very busy.
2007-12-04 02:50:34 · 11 answers · asked by Jennaba9048 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try numbing yourself with alcohol.
2007-12-04 02:53:01 · answer #1 · answered by Abe 3 · 0⤊ 9⤋
Continue with your therapist.
Treat this as the death of something very precious - for that is what it is. Sadly you don't have a grave to visit - but still - mourn. It's OK to mourn.
Don't try to contact her - and don't accept her contacts either. All that does is rip open old wounds - that are still trying to heal. Even if she comes back and begs you to take her back- tell her you forgive her - for you do forgive her. BUT tell her that what was - is no longer - and that she made that decision a long time ago.
Let it stay dead.
Get involved with those activities that restore your good feelings - like music, art, working out, etc.
With the help of your therapist, consider opening your mind to other possibilities - a new city - a new set of friends (who don't know or care about Ex and what happened) A new career - etc. etc.
This kind of situation takes a good long time to get over - but trust me. Eventually the sun will shine upon you. And yes, you can -and probably will - fall in love again - and she will be worthy of the truly kind and gentle soul you are.
2007-12-04 03:14:23 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm truly sorry, one of the worst things that can happen to a person emotionally is to have one's fiance(e) back out at the last minute. If she said she needed to "find herself" five days before the wedding, then she was acting very immature and probably should not have agreed to marry you in the first place. If she comes back later and says she's ready, don't take her back. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it, as the saying goes.
You need to move on, and therapy is a good start. Try to take up a hobby or get involved in community work that will keep your attention. If you like the outdoors may I suggest you check out the web site www.geocaching.com
Best of luck!
2007-12-04 02:57:50 · answer #3 · answered by Blue Jean 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is devasting to say the least and my heart goes out to you. Marriage is a very important step and is not to be taken lightly. People get scared and begin to have second thoughts and sometimes the fear of making a mistake can be over whelming. If you say you both had an amazing relationship, then you must see if this was only from your perspective and not hers. We all tend to be blinded to any faults there are in a relationship and only see what we want to see. Obviously something was wrong in the relationship for her to feel the need to break it off. I know it hurts, and it hurts bad. It is a wound that will take some time to heal, but it will. If the relationship was as great as you say, and she only felt scared, then in time she will come back. My advice to you will be not to wait and hope for her to come back, but to move forward in your life. I bet one day you will meet that special girl who will love you and want to marry you, I just know you will.
2007-12-04 03:15:09 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a psychotherapist, this time of year is often the most difficult because it reminds us of the loss. Keeping busy will help you get through the temporary rough patches.
Try this great guide:
Getting Over A Break Up: How To Heal and Move On
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-getting-over-a-breakup.html
2007-12-04 05:15:47 · answer #5 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She was following her heart. Something was not quite right with the relationship in her mind, even though it may have seemed perfect in your eyes.
My ex left me out of the blue and I thought everything was absolutely perfect. He decided he needed to find himself, moved out completely unexpected, and into a new city! It was heartbreaking, that I thought was the love of my life.
People change and grow and separate paths. After time apart, I realize this is what he needed to be happy, I couldn't bring him the happiness he desired. He is in a better place now, and so am I (as I have met someone new and have a child on the way!). I would rather see my ex happy without me than in silent misery and regret with me. You deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them, your ex couldn't bring that to you - she knew that. Just be thankful she set you free, and get out there and be free!
PS: you need to face the fact that she is not coming back. Stay strong and be true to yourself.
2007-12-04 03:06:38 · answer #6 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to look at the bright side and be thankful your ex fiance had the courage and honesty to break off the engagement and call off the wedding BEFORE you married. It took a lot for her to do that and save both of you a divorce. You have to get busy with your interests and friends and move on.......
2007-12-04 02:54:37 · answer #7 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts, but seriously, do you want to be with someone who did that to you? Obviously, she didn't care about your feelings to wait 5 days before the wedding to break it off. I would be mad if anything. Try to get over it and move on...eventually, when you can date again, you'll meet someone who deserves you and forget all about her. And just for the record, if my husband had done that to me right before our wedding, I would have never taken him back. That's just too much hurt to inflict upon someone. I'm sorry, and good luck!
2007-12-04 02:56:06 · answer #8 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep seeing your therapist if you are still depressed after so long. Also, you probably shouldn't really have contact with her given your current state.
2007-12-04 02:57:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be glad she left you before you were married.
2007-12-04 02:53:33 · answer #10 · answered by DannyK 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
at least she returned the ring. Sell it and buy some beers and a pack of smokes.
2007-12-04 03:01:13 · answer #11 · answered by Dr S 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋