Currently filing for divorce after 14+ years of marriage. Children have been living with in constant redicule and tension for several years, as well as my self. Husband and oldest son almost got into a fist fight and that was my final straw for filing for divorce. Husband is ADD, works constant, gives orders to all, short tempered, alcoholic with some good nuturing advice for keeping the kids in line. What he portrays outside of the home and what he is like in the home are two totally different people. Husband is always right. Now the ball is in motion, counselng is being saute for all (not for keeping marriage) and kids have been appointed a law guardian because husband is contesting divorce on moral grounds (a real laugh). Husband belittles me, my family and calls us names in anger (and has been agressive towards me). Says that I am incapable of managing with out him. Kids believe various things their father has said. Tired of defending myself, comments welcome.
2007-12-04 02:23:52 · 5 answers · asked by lanabee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Children learn the most from the parents about how to act / be.
If their parents are not good HUSBAND and WIFE, then the children will not learn how to be a good husband or a good wife. They will not learn what it's like to have a loving relationship. In fact, they will believe (and most likely repeat) that that is the way a marriage should be.
Thus, they are better off to have abusive (for lack of a better word) husband-wife parents to be apart and be happy. At least, they will learn how to be happy in a single life.
2007-12-04 02:40:33 · answer #1 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a divorce and my ex sounds a lot like your husband .. but there were no kids involved in that situation. If you are all in counseling that is a great start. When you know it is over and there is no way of a reconciliation you need to be focused on how to "get better" through the rough times. Above all, let your children know that it is NOT their fault and that you love them no matter what. Also, try really, really hard not to say bad things about their father .. no matter how you may want to. This man is still going to be their father no matter what he says or does. They need to form their own opinions of him (and they will). They don't need your influence there. As they get older, they will see more and more .. and they will also respect you more for not bad-mouthing him. Good luck to you, I know you have a tough road ahead!
2007-12-04 13:49:30 · answer #2 · answered by MiMi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds about like who I was once married to for 25 years and it was not an easy way to live. I was a very miserable person and could not get out. I could not do anything at all. My ex had abused me and my two sons for years. He did nothing wrong and what he did to me I only deserved it. He was also an alcoholic and then the drinking stopped and then things only got worse instead of better. He started controlling me and my children. If he could not take control over everything then he would threaten to kill himself. What a joke! I actually had wished that he would have. My life would only have been easier for me and my children. I spent my life defending myself and my children. He would constantly put my family down or put me down for everything. I spent alot of time praying to God for a way out of my miserable life. I was also told that I would not be able to make it on my own. He did not know what God had in store for him. We did finally get a divorce after my children were grown and gone. The best day of my life was the day that I went to my mailbox and found my final divorce papers in it. Thank God for miracles. We were divorced in Dec. 98 and a few months later he ended up with cancer. He had something that he could not control. All I had wanted was for God to get revenge on the man who had abused me and my children for years. I had hated the man with all my heart and I spent years wanting revenge. I was a horrible, mean and nasty woman. My ex ended up married to a woman who is very jealous of me. He had told me that I was poor, white trash and he ended up married to a woman who is poor, white trash. My ex passed away in 2001 and he was only 53. I have many times wished that we could have had a better relationship if only for my children. Getting a divorce is the best thing that you can do for your children and for yourself. It will most likely be hard at first but then things will improve. I had it hard when I was first divorced but there is no way that I ever want to go through that again.
2007-12-04 11:45:28 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u can not carry on with ur husband after 14 yrs of married life than it is better that u live separate for some time and let him know ur importance in his life.By that time he will realize his mistake and mean time u can tell the facts to ur kids also.BEST OF LUCK.
2007-12-04 10:34:15 · answer #4 · answered by prahlad d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children will definitely benefit from your impending divorce....They have lived in a house that is full of verbal and emotional abuse...You are doing the right thing...Children deserve to live in a peaceful home....even if that means living with only one parent who is happy versus being with both parents where there is a lot of anger, hostility and violence...
2007-12-04 10:31:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋