Am I going to end up hating married life?

Question

I know that when I get married my spouse and I will feel on top of the world all the time. We will be madly in love with each other, happily together, etc..

But I've also seen and heard that a lot of couples die down in their love. (ex. old,married men going out with prostitutes or women cheating on their husbands who can never "get it up.") Is this going to happen to me? I really don't want it to, but is it just a side effect of getting old?

Answer 1

Whoa! When you and your spouse get married you will NOT "feel on the top of the world all the time....be madly in love with each other...." all the time. That's just NOT reality.

Romance and infatuation mature into a love that is confident, constant and able to endure the rough times that WILL come. You will hurt each other's feelings -- and love will give you the ability to ask for forgiveness. You will see the best and the worst of each other -- and love will help you to encourage each other and give each other the space you need sometimes. You will find others more attractive, more fascinating, more exciting -- and your love of your spouse, which is represented by that ring you wear-- will help you to appreciate the "other" and remain faithful to your spouse.

Life can be and will be difficult at times. You will lose loved ones, you will be disappointed in life circumstances, you might wind up sick or with a sick spouse -- but a mature love finds true joy in the growth and development of the relationship with your spouse.

It sounds like you are not married yet. If you are engaged, I recommend marraige preparation of some sort...Engaged Encounter is an awesome preparation.

Answer 2

It is a side effect of becoming selfish and too comfortable in your relationship. So, many people say after they marry they fell out of love, but what really happened was they stopped working at being in love.
A good marriage is hard work on both parts. It's 100% each day given by both partners. It's compromise, forgiveness, determination, and love.
At the beginning of a relationship it's so easy to love. It's new and exciting. You are striving to earn that person's love and attention, so you romance them and give the relationship all you've got. Later, often during marriage, you become comfortable, because you have reached your goal so to speak and you feel that you have earned your place in the relationship and therefore you don't have to put forth all the effort you did in the beginning. That's where the mistake starts and the marriage starts to deteriorate.
Our goal shouldn't be to get married, but should be to have a happy, harmonious marriage for the rest of our lives.
I feel 100% sure that if you and your fiance put 100% into your marriage and work hard to keep the spark alive.....you won't fall into the category of so many loveless marriages today.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

No, it's not an inevitable side effect that comes with age. When people cheat it is to fill a void. The important thing to do in order to prevent this is once you start feeling that void, don't ignore it. Identify it and repair it. For example, if you find things are getting dull in the bedroom spice it up. If you find that you are feeling bored overall, spice up your social life. Have time together and time apart. You both need your space so that you don't want too much space. Kind of like if you wait too long to eat you will most likely overindulge. And remember, sex with someone you've been with for a long time is far better than some strange. You get to know each others wants and needs and all those special spots unique to each of you that a new person won't be hip to.

Answer 4

If you're already feeling this way, are you sure you really want to be married in the first place?

My husband and I have been married for 27 years and it doesn't just happen, you have to work at it. You have to put the time in to talk to your partner and listen to him/her, do nice things for them, and if there's a problem, communicate with them. And even if you do all this, there will still be times when you don't understand each other and don't even like each other very much. It doesn't mean you don't love each other, though. The key is communication.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 5

I have been in love with my husband for 32 years. I also had another short term marriage previously. Both your detailed paragraphs are way out of proportion. Love does not include constant euphoria. I know of such a tiny number of males who use prostitutes because prostitutes are not gorgeous, exciting and carefree like you may think. They approach sex as a job only, they look used up and with the serious sex diseases today, it's not an intelligent option for married men. Women don't simply need it so badly that they take a lover when men have erection problems because a good wife knows that just as they enter into menopause and their sexual behaviors and bodies are changing, so are their partners with prostate health.
As for us, I'm closing this now because we're burning up and about to go wild in the bedroom just as we've done for the past 30 years, through good times and bad.

Answer 6

when you first marry, there is what is called a honeymoon phase. It means everything is going well, you're soo happy you don't see problems for what they are and you overlook a lot of your spouses faults,as he/she will overlook yours.
Then, reality sets in... why did I Marry??? He/She does what?! He/She expects me to be what?! You should really get counselling from a marriage counsellor of your choice BEFORE you marry. Your pastor, priest or a professional marriage counsellor can help you and your prospective mate talk about what you both expect from the marriage and each after you've tied the knot, but you get this counselling BEFORE you tie the knot. You talk about money, sex, communication, work ethics, family, and learning to share.
Once you're married you will have to decide things like: How do we decide which family we'll spend a holiday with? How do we combine our social lives into something that works for BOTH of us? Do we want children? Should we buy a house, or rent a townhouse? What kind of bills are we each paying alone and how much debt are each of us in? What are our plans for getting out of debt? Church? Do we go, do we not? Which one, if we do? Food-- what do we eat? Do we like the same foods? Do we cook at home, or eat out? Decorating-- what color schemes do you like? what kind of furniture do we like? Is anyone bringing a child or a pet into the marriage? How does the spouse without child or pet feel about it?
Are we ready to commit to love each other regardless for life?

Answer 7

OK when you get married yes things do die down a bit. So don't fantasize on happily ever after. Marriage takes time and effort. If you are willing to put it in it will pay off. ( I mean time and effort) I think one of our biggest mistakes is that we realize that once you walk down the isle our work is done. Not so!! I have been married 10 years and the sex life is great. I am in my 40s. Trust me it doesn't get bad as long as you don't let it. You have to fight for your passion to stay alive. Don't settle in to the comfort of marriage. Keep your self well and never lose the sense of conquest. Sometimes in marriage you need it to keep things adventurous

Answer 8

just based on your view that you and your spouse are going to feel on top of the world all the time is a gigantic warning sign that you are not ready to be married because marriage is nothing like that at all. you will not be madly in love with each other nor will you always be happy. your lives will be impacted by reality, just like you are now unless you're on drugs. you will experience many changes in your marriage, you will have problems, it will be very hard, you will have doubts, you will think you hate him, and he will think he hates you some times, and you will have problems that you can work out if you work very hard and you will have problems that go unsolved for many years, if not longer, you will have different views, different dreams, different interests, different needs. you will need things that he can't give you and he will need things that you cant' give him and you'll have to make adjustments and so will he and it'll be a giant pain in the behind and you will have many things that will keep you awakened from this fantasy of yours.
I hope you're twelve and not actually planning on getting married.

Answer 9

Being married takes being a real man, meaning you have to make real man decisions and accept things in life little boys often spend a lifetime running or hiding from.
There is nothing more pure inlife than a lovely wife. Now if you need to have you a little action on the side then that's your choice but be a man about it. Don't bringit into your home and remember those are distractions not real life. You have to be your own man, it's a lonely walk but you'll have to walkit married or single. Might as well walk it with someone you love.

Answer 10

It is a side effect that can be avoided, stay fit and healthy and make sure your wife does the same, you will live a life of happiness and bliss if that is what you wish. You make it happen and dont let the media and other couples be examples of what your life will end up being. Good Luck!