DO I HAVE REASON'S TO BE MAD WITH MY HUSBAND please tell me?

Question

he has been complaining on spending money to me but yet i find out threw his sister that he send 50$ to his mom in colombia last week, am thinking why did he not say this to me, why can he do what ever he wants when it comes down to money, than i ask why didn't he tell me nothing he said is no big deal, so yes i feel a bit hurt by this only becuz he kept it from me and he preches on me about money. so what do u think am i being childish, let me tell you his mom she has a husband and a grown working daughter so she's taken care of but there has been a history of her depending on her son for money for a long time now.

Answer 1

Out of respect for you, his wife, he should have run it by you first. Especially if he is crabbing at you about money problems to begin with. You are his wife and he should respect that position. You sound like a reasonable person. I am sure if he explained why he was sending his Mom or sister the money you would be charitable if their was truley a need there and your own bills are covered at home first. Charity does begin at home. That might be what's partially bothering you. Next is that he did't give you the respect you deserve as his wife to be consulted fiest before he sent this money off to his family of origin. When a spouse starts taking matters into his own hands and doesn't have open comunication with the other, it causes distrust to enter the relationship. Trust and respect atr a very important part of being married. That is a form of currency too. And he depleted that account when he made this unilateral decision to send away money that you 2 obviously need possibly more than his mother or sister.

It is good that he loves his mom enough to send money to her. But not if it causes daage to your home life and arriage. He needs to offer you up the respect you deserve and take care of his own backyard first before he goes cleaning up someone elses backyard. It is always best to give from your excess rather than from your lack. In other words, when financial matters are taaken care of at your home first then and only are you in a financial position to be blessed to give of your extra $. Other wise it is taking from lack and giving to lack which creates a shfting of debt.

Now, if he wants to give to his Mom or sister, , first he needs to be responsible to you, his wife first. That could very well inspire him to work a little harder, just a little, so he has enough overflowing in his account to be charitable and send more dollars to his Mom. That would be an admirable thing to do. That way he honors you, and his mother. That would be the best case scenario. Either way, he should be discussing it all with you first.

Yes it's very important to honor his mother and help her out if she is in need. But he also has a responsibility to you too. And anything that hurts you is definite grounds for disscusion first in your marriage. There are different ways to obtain the extra money to send his Mom if that is very important to him. He can earn more money by asking for a raise, or taking on extra work even temporarily. Or you both can clip coupons for goods and services tp save extra % that will be earmarked for his Mom. Even a stricter budget can yeild more $ so that you have more to use and more to give.

Try to sit him down and calmly explain these things to him. If he is a reasonable person he will work with you on these points.
Good Luck
God Bless.

Answer 2

First, never ask someone if you are wrong for feeling the way you do! You have every right to have your own feelings of anger, hurt, or whatever else. I would be upset! I would sit down and tell your husband how you feel, maybe he will understand. Let him know that you do not like him complaining about you getting money if he does not feel it is a big deal to send money to his family. You are his wife and that is his mother. You are a different level than the mother. You have power as his wife you just have to learn to use it! ;-}

Answer 3

Money is the #1 issue in a couples relationship. If both of you can't hammer out a budget or better say a spending plan than please both seek a professional for some help.
Best thing we ever did is have two checking accounts and divided the bills.
Allowance for each of you with no questions, if he wants to send his allowance to his Mom then OK he has to do with out other things he may have wanted.

How a man treats his mother is a indicator of how he will treat his wife. If he is good to his Mom he will be good to you.

Answer 4

It kind of depends on what you were spending money on. And what his mother needed the money for. If you knew that his mother and he had this going before you got with him then unfortunately you have to deal with it until he outgrows it. My husband and I went through something similar. His mother would blow her money and then ask for ours. We have a family where she is just one person. He finally began to see the light and she stopped asking so often. And she only receives if he feels like it is a good reason. He told her that if he wanted to give money to anyone to blow that he has a wife who would love to have it. Good luck. Money isn't everything. If everyone in this world would realize that the world would be a better place. No I'm not wealthy.

Answer 5

if you are a stay at home like me, then your husband is the "bread winner" and will and can do whatever he wants with the money...yes, you will get upset when he says money is tight, but it's his business and you just have to learn to live with it like me. if you both work and have the same acct., then yes, he should have told you about the money he is sending to his mom and you should be understanding as to why he feels that he needs to take care of her......this is one of those things where depending on the "who makes the money" thing, is really if you can get upset or not...but either way there is nothing wrong with someone wanting to help their mom...

Answer 6

I don't think your being childish at all. If you guys are having $ issues, and he thinks sending his mom money is important, then he should have come to you and said, "Honey, I know I've been telling you how to spend and what to spend, but i really need to send my mom some money." That way you guys could have talked it out BEFORE, he sent her money... Not childish, just fair. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander, as they say...

Answer 7

You are not acting childish you were just doing your part as a wife. But, you will have to realize that no matter how much money he's going to send to his family is none of your business, but what i meant is "that his family " and he has right to support his mum specially if they don't have nothing to reach just your husband. So, no worries at all, it's not a big deal though!

Answer 8

STOP THE WHINING!! Here is how you SOLVE this problem - - sit down and give yourself a "wage" - you know, how much do you think what you do is worth?? NOW, tell your husband that you are going to need - say $150.00 a week.... this is to be YOUR money - no questions asked - it is to be your allowance. Let HIM handle ALL the rest of the money - bills, food, clothes, gas..... guarantee neither of you will be fighting about money again.

Answer 9

I do not agree with 'searchin' or whatever her name is... You married him, right? The point is, it is not yours nor his money, it is both, no matter who is working. If he knows where you spend the $ then you should know where he spends it too. He sounds a bit controlling to me, and I am sure he shows it in other aspects of your relationship too -- not just with $.
Yes, you have every right to be upset, and you don't ever have to 'validate' your feelings with other people. Stick up for yourself and tell him how you feel.
He has no right to treat you that way.

Answer 10

my fiance did the same thing sending money to his mom in brazil. we had talked about what cash we needed and what bills were due and then he goes and sends her $300. it is not that i mind if he helps her out sometimes but we need to get our own lives together. plus his 35yr old sister and her 15yr old daughter live with her and neither of them work. his sister called asking for money to go to the dentist! i was livid. plus the mom gets money from his father after he died and it drives me crazy that they still want money from him. i told him that he has his own family now and we need to worry about making a life for our KIDS not his parents and sister. i would be pissed too and especially the fact of him hiding it from you.