At what age do you tell a child that Santa doesn't exist?

Question

I have a 10 year old daughter who is going to senior school next September and she still believes in Santa (I think her friends do too). I think that after Christmas she should be told. At what age were you (or your child) told?

Thanks for all your views so far (except aires69u who should read megano's answer for my reason in asking the question in the first place). The thing is that i've made it difficult for her to find out for herself because every Christmas Eve we get a family friend to dress up as Santa, her and her younger brother hide behind the sofa and watch him place the presents under the tree with just the light of the xmas tree. So you see, she may never figure it out unless his beard drops off or something!

I would love her to carry on believing for the rest of her life but I don't want her being bullied over it at school - life's hard enough!

Message to aires69u (short for "airhead"). I sympathize with your illiteracy but I have already given adequate reasons for my question (and asked politely too!) I would suggest that you get your mummy to read it for you again and explain these reasons in simple terms so you can understand. I have read everyone's answers (which is why I gave thanks and offered further explanations as to why their advice may not work). I am grateful for everyone's opinions, however much they differ, but your rudeness is unnecessary!

Ingrid - thanks for your answer. I had actually considered telling my children from "Day 1" that Santa doesn't exist for the very same reason but then realised that all the hundreds of children around them do, and I didn't want them to spoil it for everyone else! I also remembered how wonderful it was for me believing as a child and wanted my children to have the same. My kids know the true meaning of Christmas - Santa brings Jesus' star for each of them and hangs it on the tree. They also have a nativity scene and go to church too!

Dearest Airhead - please pay attention at school as your lack of reading and comprehension skills will be the subject of severe bullying (something that I'm trying to protect my much loved daughter from!) Your mummy has obviously given up on your lack of intellect so I will explain my question one more time (before I run out of room on this page). "My daughter is starting senior school in September, she still believes in Santa, she's not likely to figure it out easily because she sees him every Xmas Eve in the flesh. If the kids find out that she still believes she will most certainly be bullied. At what age do you tell your child that he doesn't exist?" I cannot see any idiocies, patronizing behaviour or controlling undertones in this question at all and it seems that no one else does either! So what's your problem? I have looked through some of your previous answers because I have concerns on your state of mind. I rest my case on your illiteracy - "explosives", dear dear!!!

Answer 1

Please dont take offence, as I am sure you've had your reasons...

By why on Earth did you need to tell her that Santa exists in the first place? Why lie to her?

Children dont need to be patronised more than they already are.

My parents never told me that Santa exists, and I never for a minute thought he did. My daughter doesn't believe in Santa, and neither do any other small children that I know.

The true meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with a man named Santa Clause - it's about the celebration of Jesus' birth.

Answer 2

I understand where you're coming from. A lot of people have said 'don't ruin the dream for her.' Well, what about ruining her whole senior school life by giving the bullies (yes, they are unfortunately in every school) ammunition to tease her about? My mum tutors a boy who is quite immature, but really sweet, and she advised his mum to tell him the truth before secondary school. His mum has, and he's totally fine, and still loves Christmas as most people do whether they believe or not. If I were you I would let her have this last Christmas - yes it is magical when children still believe, and then tell her in about February or so. Start by asking her about what she thinks. Get all cosy on the sofa together and ask her what she thinks about Santa. It could be that she'll say 'I know you just get someone to dress up as him.' If so, that's a good way to start the conversation about yes, it's just a game of pretend that grown ups play because they know it makes children really happy. Talk about the history behind Santa (St. Nicholas) and how now it's a time to try to make other people happy by giving them gifts. Explain how it made her happy to believe, so it's important she doesn't let her brother know the truth yet as he's younger and it's only fair he should be allowed to believe as long as she did. My mum's family had a nice tradition. There were 4 children and she was the oldest - every year whoever didn't believe in Santa would be allowed to stay up late and decorate the Christmas tree (they didn't put it up until Christmas Eve) - that was her parents way of bribing them to keep quiet about Santa not being real. If they had told they wouldn't have been able to help decorate it. I think that's a lovely tradition and I plan on using it when I have children! If you decide you don't want to spoil the magic and not tell her, then make sure you tell her not to mention Santa next year at school or it's sad, but she probably will get laughed at.

Answer 3

I am in a similar situation with an 10 yo boy. He started suspecting last year. I also have 7yo so want to hold off as long as possible. I have asked my boy to look at this way .........if you don't believe you don't receive. And it does not matter whether Santa is real or not its what you believe in your heart that matters. Given children these days love to receive gifts for now its worked (although I think deep down he knows) Have also asked him to keep it to himself and not let his brother know. Otherwise his brother will receive a gift from Santa and not him - did the trick.

Anyway from the sounds of your question I gather your daughter has not mentioned it - so I would suggest you let it go - even if for another year.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas to you and your family :}

Answer 4

I saw my dad carrying my cindy house downstairs xmas eve when I was about 8 so that's how I found out lol I think 10 might be a bit too old, it's up to you tho, either you tell her now or she will find out from someone else soon enough, it's a magical thing tho for a child to believe in santa it's a shame to spoil it but again she's ur daughter so it's up to you xx

Answer 5

I have a 10 yr old son and a 8 yr old daughter, they both still believe, but Heather is starting to suspect something is up. She asked me the other day When I stopped believing, I told her that I still believe because I do. Santa to our family is love kindness and forgivenss for the naughty little things that may have happened through the year. Good luck

Answer 6

well I was 5 when I found out, I was helping mom take in some groceries from the store when I saw some things in the trunk.
two days later I got some of the things from Santa for Christmas... but the age I would have rather find out at(it would have hurt less) would be about 11 or 12. my cousin found out at 12 and he felt a lot better then I did at 5. he cried a lot less.

Answer 7

lol well my holiday tradition was different....i didnt have time to shop without my kid present. so i would shop for the toys and say that if we gave some to the poor kids then santa might bring her that toy we picked out. you know santa is so busy up in the north pole that parents get the gifts and then santa brings them with extra goodies. and of course santa has a magic key to get in everyhome. well i would hide it and then she would be surpirsed for christmas. that worked for 12 years or so. then i said one day there is not a santa claus. i said it very casually. she told me i was a lyer. so when i picked up a big ticket item in front of her she said will santa bring it. i had to have worked close to 70 hours that week. i told her no, i am the santa claus. she said well i knew that but i just wanted to pretend that there was one. so we have kept up the pretending and we seem to work well with the lie.....lol by the way she is almost 15

Answer 8

Hullo! i understand your concern, but I don't think you should worry about this. If I were you I'd simply leave it and let her discover this for herself when she is a bit older. It's important to keep the magic going as it's a very important stage of childhood. I was not told there was no santa but kind of figured it out myself (i think when my mom dressed as santa once or twice and could see her dress under the santa costume!). my advice is just leave it and don't have 'the chat'.!

Answer 9

May I pose a few questions to you? How do you know Father Christmas does not exist? How would you like it if someone told you that something you believe in doesn't exist even though you believe it does? Is it anyone else's concern whether or not she believes? Do you think your daughter is that inadequate to come to a conclusion of her own? Do you feel she is too week to manage herself with her peers? Or are you more concerned about saving face with those you know? Are you worried YOUR peers may have something to say about a 10 year old having a strong enough conviction to stand behind something she believes?
Leave her alone. Let her believe in what she wants and let it go.

Answer 10

I cant ever remember believing in Santa. My parents tried but I just didn't buy it. My sister in law was 12 when she was told which I think is far too late. Why don't you take your daughter to lots of different Santa's grotto's in shopping centres and let her work it out, that might be easier.