How to communicate my position of atheism better to my boyfriend?

Question

He's a Christian who feels I'm missing out on life. I'm a color blinded dog who can't see the beautiful rainbow, he says. I feel the exact same regarding his position. I want us to agree to disagree. Most anyone I would fervently debate with, but he's too important to me for me to go all out. I'd rather be my kinder self with him. How can I have him understand that I feel just fine as I am and do not need religious belief to make my life better - now or ever?

"You are who you are, religion and all, and if he can't accept all of you, than maybe you aren't a good fit."
Oddly, he loves me because of opposite attraction, you could say. He likes that I have own views. Yet, at the same time he brings up the subject of me "one day" "turning to the light" all the time.

"you chose a guy who refuses to have sex with you until you are married?"
He's not that type of Christian. He's more moderate.

Answer 1

Tell him what you just told us.

Answer 2

You're in the right here as far as your attitude goes. Whether or not he's correct about his religious beliefs doesn't matter as far as this situation is concerned. All that matters is that you two can find a way to make peace with each other's beliefs. You should certainly not be offended that he wishes you to believe as he does, especially since he does so because he wishes for your happiness. However, if you have heard his points and don't want to change your beliefs, then he should drop the subject.

Make it clear to him that you understand his point of view, but that you simply don't agree, and that you don't wish to discuss the matter further with him. If he truly respects you as a mature individual able to make your own decisions, he will stop pushing the topic.

EDIT: I would advise you as well not to give in to the temptation to try to convince him of atheism as he is trying to convince you of Christianity. I know it can't be easy to be in a situation like this and not get defensive, but there are times when a person shouldn't fight, no matter how right they believe they are. If you don't want him trying to convert you, then be careful not to try to deconvert him. Not saying you're doing that now or anything, but tempers can flare when issues such as these come up, and anger tends to make tongues looser than normal.

Answer 3

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I don't see a way to put an end to the pressure he seems to be applying without making it become a lasting issue. I suggest that you set aside your "kinder self" for a while and let this thing come to its full boil now... That's risky, of course, and may cost the relationship a little something before it sets things right or, ever worse, it may bring the relationship to its last straw; but, it's better to find equal ground now than to discover that there is a road of incompatible rockiness ahead.

Tell him you aren't interested in being sculpted away, chip by chip, and turned into his idea of a better person, make him agree that he'd better tuck away his chisel.... especially if he has intentions of sticking with you beyond the next of next week.

I also suggest that you load up on the most sarcastic comments and jokes that you can... There's nothing a man fears more than belittlement from the one he loves. Laugh at his preposterous fantasies whenever he brings up the subject of belief.

http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb62/Randall_Fleck/Orang_talk_GIF.gif
[][][] r u randy [][][]
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Answer 4

There may be no good way. Although I might look hard at the fact that you, apparently, are willing to agree to disagree, and he is not. It may not, I am sorry to say, bode well for the future of your relationship. If you can't find common ground here, what happens when the next disagreement comes up?

On the other hand, perhaps if everything else is good enough, he will come around and let you be yourself. If you really want this relationship to last, I hope for your sake that this is what happens.

Answer 5

There is no point in "communicate my position of atheism better" or rational debate. These will just perpetuate your problem. What you need to communicate is "It bugs me when you keep bringing this up, so knock it off". Practice this in front of a mirror, teddy bear, or therapist until you can say this in a firm, confident tone of voice. Have some other versions (respect, boundaries) for when you have to repeat yourself.

This cuts both ways. When are you going to respect his beliefs? (Oh really!)

If your are thinking of a long term relationship (marriage- kids), then you need to come to an agreement (find an impartial counselor?) about dealing with things like: "Why doesn't mommy come to church with us?" Followed in a few years by: "If mommy doesn't have to go to church, I don't either!". And the question of at what age a child gets to decide for him/herself.

If you are thinking that this is a short term relationship you might want to choose an easier solution such as practice/learn to "tune him out" when he says things like that.

Answer 6

You know what the best thing about beating your head against a wall is ? That it feels so good when you finally stop
Neither one of you guys will convince each other of the correctness of your respective positions so the choice is to either respect each other and live and let live or find somewhere else to live
BTW His dog analogy is wrong ; Although a dog may be color blind a dog has vastly superior senses of smell and hearing to what us humans have so a dog experiences a vastly more complex world than we do

Answer 7

He says color blind dog ( or person !) because he feels that he can see things that you can't , therefore your lack of having proof of "God" . You could explain that there are tools - scientific instruments that can prove different wavelenths of light exist even for some one who has a receptor deficiency . There is nothing that can prove the existance of "god" . He *feels* the existanceof god .People can feel imaginary things . Think about how you got sad or scared at a movie that you knew was... just a movie ! Think about how you felt Santa Clause was real . You can say HE is free to *feel* his Christian "god" but the real evidence of even Jesus' existance is very "iffy" . And that the Biblical god is way too vengeful and violent to allow you to be happy in life . You feel believing in something so judgemental , perhaps even of things you and he might enjoy together , would detract from you giving your emotional self to him .
I feel that it is very difficult for a relationship to exist with this barrier . Eventually you will be thinking poorly of the other one's intellect . Also it might eventually impact upon the enjoyment of sexuality .

Francine ... What does this question have to do with gay marraige ? Are you upset because your guy dumped you for another guy ? Do you feel Lesbian tendancies below the surface ? Would you like to talk about it ? I can help .

Answer 8

Just try to enjoy your relationship with him as long as you can, because I honestly don't see how this can work out in the long term. Christian dogma compels Christians to prosletyze and/or convert others. Your boyfriend, so long as he submits his intellect to this absurd nonsense, feels driven to argue and debate your rationality, because that's what atheism is in the final analysis: rational.

If your boyfriend is so possessed by the irrational beliefs and superstitions of Christianity, then tell him he is jeopardizing his own salvation by associating with a confirmed non-believer such as yourself. The simple fact is, according to Christian dogma, that he allegedly is endangering his own "afterlife." So either he has to wise up and accept that his absurd ideology is a fraud, or he has to settle for a so-called "Mexican standoff" in which he maintains his own "religious commitment" while letting you allegedly remain in a state of damnation, or he has to really demonstrate his religious fervor and commitment by dumping you for a girl that is "saved." Whatever choice he makes, you should make it clear that you definitely don't want to be subjected to his attempts at indoctrinating you.

Answer 9

It's better to settle your differences sooner than later, otherwise you're cruisin' for a bruisin' when a big fight escalates --which "normally" happens between couples-- and rears its ugly head.

Either that, or you should both lay down the boundaries of your compromises to each other. Then you can begin to understand each other much better.

Peace be with you.

Answer 10

I think the best way to handle the situation is to tell him that he has his beliefs, just like you have yours. Your realationship isn't going to go anywhere if he keeps trying to "convert" you. You are who you are, religion and all, and if he can't accept all of you, than maybe you aren't a good fit.

Answer 11

what is truth, how much does it matter?

the world is round,
gravity is a law of nature
evolution is as much a law of nature as gravity yet christians go out of their way to deny these truths.... when things are uncertain that's when they strike, but eventually they have to concede to the truth, christians have persecuted and even murdered people who beleived in these things... perhaps you should be reminded that it might be good for him to see the light... the bible says... You will know them by their works... there is a lot more truth that the church fights from being known... karma.. laws of life, no life after death.. the purpose of spirit in nature.... many many truth hidden behind the christian lies...