Is it bad to take away Christmas?

Question

My eight year old is going through a really difficult phase right now. He has become so stubborn that he will not listen to reason from me or anyone else for that matter. I don't know why this has suddenly become the case, but even last night at tae kwon do, when the instructor broke the kids into groups, he refused to go into the one he belonged in. He stood with the kids who he felt he belonged with and when I tried to correct him, he told me I was wrong. This resulted in a time out given by the instructor, and when he was let back up he went to the very same group. I ended up taking him home and putting him straight to bed with no supper (a first for him). Today I opened his backpack and found a write up from school. He refused to listen to a teacher and got sent to the principal. I've now told him that Christmas is a time when kids get rewarded for their good behavior by receiving presents and that he's in danger of getting nothing. Is this wrong?

Answer 1

Do not fall into this new age permissive parent thing. It's crap. He should not be rewarded if he is not behaving. Period. A reward is not to be expected, it is to be earned. He deserves punishment for the bad things he's done... whether or not he's getting picked on at school. When he's older and somebody picks on him, does this mean he can act violently or smash out somebody's car window? No. Why let him get away with throwing his fits now? He needs to learn to be a respectable citizen before it's too late. Permissive parenting is creating the next generation of high school dropouts and criminals.

Answer 2

Ok you know that you can't NOT let him have a Christmas with nothing. SOOOoooooo...just get him a few presents and leave it at that. As for the martial arts...I would have let the instructor handle that (i wouldn't have told him anything). I think that if you want to watch then fine...but UNLESS you are out there working, then perhaps you should just observe: and not try to tell him what to do while he's there. (just my opinion: been there, done that). It seems that our son was better when we were NOT there anyway. It's time for a consequence mom and not having Christmas isn't the type of punishement that you can really enforce.
Take his gaming time away - tv time - outside play time and give him a pencil and paper. Have him write down 500 words (only if he's 8 or older) and define them with the dictionary. If he's younger than 8 then cut that amount in half. Even lower if he's younger than that. Believe me...after a few times of this: he will correct himself. It WORKED with our son, however he did "test" this - and after his 4th time having to define 500 words on paper, he got it. He did NOTHING until he finished. (of course eating and bathing...nothing more).

Final note: Don't take away Christmas from a child, but do let them see that Santa really does watch their behavior.

Also maybe he's having a rough time either at school/home - just ask him. COMMUNICATION is key in all family issues. Besides nobody ever put coal in anyone's stocking - that's a myth.

Answer 3

He's obviously reacting to something going on.
Is this not normal behavior for him? Did this just start? Is there a new situation at home or school that could be the reason for his reacting like this?
You may need to figure this all out and then go from there as to what you need to do for solving the problem instead of punishment, etc. But taking away Christmas is not going to solve matters, it will just make it worse.

Answer 4

You need to go and speak with the school principal and let them know that you are aware of his attitude at the moment, but that you need them to be patient while he and you sort things out. This isn't necessarily a quick-fix situation and you may need to bring in a third party to help him talk about anything and everything. In this way you may discover what's really going on with him. He sounds very unhappy with something. My 9yr old is very anti-school although she's quite bright and surprises us with her abilities often. She just doesn't appreciate having to conform so we have to try hard to ensure she produces the homework and application while at school that school require of her. Try getting his school involved in some sort of "incentive" plan to keep him interested in what's being taught in class and give him less reason to cause a fuss. The teachers should be able to come up with something simple to keep his attention. Motivation is obviously an issue with him but it also sounds like he's quite strong-willed and this can cause problems as school is all about conformity at this age. We both have strong-charactered children (not a bad trait in an adult is it?)
Just a thought, do you know if the teacher he refused to listen to was actually in the right? I know that sounds weird, but children are literal creatures and if the teacher said something that was quite obviously "wrong" in your son's opinion, then your son was correct to stand firm. Do ask him what happened. Teachers do not like to be stood up to.
One last thing, the Tai Kwon Do instructor should have maintained control of the situation. I don't think it was helpful for you to have to step in and reprimand your son in front of the class. Hard though it is, he took it upon himself to go against the instruction and I would have left it to the instructor to handle, to see if he could! Does your son have a particular friend or group of friends in the group he tried to stay with? Maybe he just doesn't want to be matched against a friend - that's an honourable sentiment and maybe that was his motive? I do hope you can communicate successfully with your son, we persevere with our daughter... All the best.

Answer 5

Maybe you want to look at the meaning of Christmas more carefully and use it to your advantage. Of course Christmas means different things to different people, but you can tell him Christmas is a time to think about others and do good deeds. Have him do some volunteer work and help the less fortunate and get some perspective on his actions. Have him go to the store and pick out gifts for a needy family and wrap them and take them to a charity, church or other organization. I would still be firm and consistent with the rules, but as far as I know it would have to be some pretty extreme bad behavior to loose Christmas. That is something that is likely to stick with a kid for life and make him more angry instead of cooperative.

Answer 6

Christmas is not only a time to get rewarded for good behavior. It's about giving, compassion, and teaching your child to care about someone else besides themselves. Take him to a homeless shelter, so that he can see what happens when people make bad choices. Teach him to care for others - to take a walk in their shoes. Maybe he is crying out for some attention, and caring that he is lacking in his life. So in turn, he is acting out, and trying to seek attention. There may be more than one answer, there may be several. You could talk to him, and open the lines of communication. But, I feel that taking away Christmas, would be a harsh choice, it may make him rebel even more.

Answer 7

No. I don't think it's a bad thing, especially if he's acting out the way you stated. However, you need to remember the real reason for Christmas is not presents, it's Christ. On that note, you should probably still make it a point to spend time with family.

Answer 8

yes. Never threaten something that won't be followed through and Christmas is not something you can take away. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus and not a thing to punish over. Pulling him out of Tai Kwon Do is a punishment,Early to bed for a week, no friends to play, no tv, no PS2, no computer...those are punishments. Have you tried talking to him why he is like this. Have you talked to the teacher about the changes and if she has noticed anything that might have triggered it?

Answer 9

Well, is he normally well-behaved?
If he is, something may be happening at this time.
I remember when I was young, and I was always nice. But I wasn't ever passed to in Football/Rugby, which used to set me off, and make me a bit angry. Perhaps something may be happening at home? Has something sad happened lately? Maybe that could be the solution.

Although, I think you may have been right about saying what you did. Yes, it isn't the nicest of things he could hear, but he has to learn that not only at home he has to be well-behaved, but also at Public places he must.

Maybe, if he starts getting better, than perhaps you should still give them to him at Christmas. If not, you could give them to him anyway, but give them to him after Christmas when he starts to go back to his normal self.

Answer 10

First of all, you are your son's parent. When it come to disicipline parents usually know what's best for their children. Maybe if he see that you are serious about taking away Christmas he might straighten up. I don't think you should take away Christmas completely, just postpone it for a little while. When his behavior is better then that's when he gets his presents. Good luck!