OK, a question was posted earlier about a lunch with her therapist and I do alot more than that, problem???

Question

I go for coffee, sometimes lunch, walks, presentations and once even shopping. Check my profile please before commenting, he is the only person that even cares about my well being, I'm married, he's married with 2 kids. I honestly appreciate everything he does and helps me with, and it's only in therapeutic ways, nothing else. So why are people hard on Cheren's question earlier?? I honestly do not see an issue, and please don't tell me to get a new therapist, that is NOT an option, our mental health clinic is down sizing in the new year, and trust me, NO ONE else wants to deal with me, let alone any one with BPD.. Am I blind? Is there even an "issue" here or am I just justifying it like I do with ALL my behaviors..??

shopping was due to a HUGE step I made in therapy, we brought along another female. My husband knows about the coffee thing, and it's in public so I don't think he's hiding anything, right?

Answer 1

Chantale, you really need to be careful about things like this. It's good that he cares, but he could lose his career doing this. There are very specific rules on therapist to client relationships and he is breaking them. You already have some good answers here so I am just adding my two cents. He isn't supposed to get so close to you that his judgment could be impaired. I realize that you don't think he is, but the ethics board won't likely take your opinion into consideration if anyone files a complaint against him. You can look up your states rules of conduct for therapists through Health and Human Services. I can help you with that if you like to help you understand. Every therapist has their own style and if he truly isn't crossing borders then great, but tread carefully. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

There is a huge issue here, and you are justifying it, and wrongly so. Your therapist is not helping you; he is victimizing you by crossing the therapist/client boundaries. If you are in treatment for BPD, you know that people with your disorder have a hard time recognizing and setting healthy boundaries, and this relationship is an example of that. You will never get better if you continue with this therapist, no matter how hard to try to justify his behavior. He is keeping you stuck in the BPD patterns that are destroying your ability to have a normal life. You can do what you want, but I have to tell you the truth.

Answer 3

The problem with this type of thing is that it's so easy to let your personal relationship affect your counseling relationship, and vice versa. The two things don't need to be mixed, because it can lead to all kinds of problems. It could even entice you into an affair at some point, if you got caught in a moment of vulnerability. That may never occur, of course, but it can and does happen to people who never meant for it to, I assure you. You and your therapist have to use your own best judgement about what is right and proper in your circumstances. . . all I'm saying is that you have to be careful not to get more involved than you meant to, because the therapist-client relationship makes it dangerously easy for that to happen.

Answer 4

It's inadvisable, and could cause problems for him in his professional life, regarding ethical conduct, and even marriage problems, if discovered. How would you know if someone that knew him, and saw you both together, shopping/having coffee and told his wife? Or you,m and your husband, for that matter, as your attention is focused on him? PEOPLE WILL GOSSIP!!! and where there's smoke, there's fire, as they say. At least: discontinue shopping, make sure that he is fine with his professional association; that his wife, and your husband know (most women at least consider the possibility that he is being unfaithful). FROM AN ARTICLE ABOUT: THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT, IF YOUR THERAPIST: "talks at length about his or her own current, unresolved problems. This is known as a "boundary violation," and it's especially worrisome, because it's often a prelude to a sexual advance. In fact, therapists who talk about their own unresolved problems are more likely to make sexual advances than those who actually touch their clients."

Answer 5

I honestly don't see a problem. If it is public there is no issue. You are obviously not trying to hide it so don't sweat it. Just make sure he is not a crutch.