I am having hard time getting over exfiancee he is now married with child i still and will always love him hlp

Question

I met this great guy when i was 21 he was 20. He took my son in as if he were his own he raised him and then asked me to be his wife... i thought things were good but i found out after the break up had been with a girl for 6 months behind my back. He is now married to her and just had a baby 5 months ago.... I LOVE him with all my heart and soul and he is my soul mate the one that I am to be with ...I just know it.... I am crying ever night thinking of him any advice would be greatly appreciated.

i love all the great advice it really helps but it is 3 years now.... his wife i am sorry is a gold digger... she was pregnant then got married... same thing she did in her first marriage.. my love for him will never fade away.... when i left i was pregnant with his child and unfortunatly lost the baby as a result of that i had tohave a hysterectomy and can now never have children again.... He i think is the only man i will love for the rest of my life i think of him everyday i am so confused

Answer 1

Thank you for the additional info. I am a Human Relations and Personal Growth Counselor. This is what I have been telling to a lot of people seeking some piece of advice to provide full details of their problem so they can get good feedback on their query. Marie, I know you love this man, but, how can you have someone when he belongs to someone else though she's a gold digger or whatever you want to call her. Remember, he married her, so that was his choice not yours. And that was his problem, again, not yours. Do you see your worth only in the eyes of the other person, or do you feel your only alive if you're in love? I feel there's a deep vacuum in you that needs to get filled up all the time and which, unfortunately, attracts the wrong type of person. That was three years ago. You've been gazing longingly at your ex from the backdoor of your mind imagining that the grass where he is would be so much greener! Well, he ain't there anymore. How sad that all your tears, your loneliness, your longing for him just went down the drain---that it was all for naught.

Do not allow yourself to be a prisoner of your own desires. Stop yourself right away when you start thinking about him. Developing Alzheimer's or getting a bump on your head to cause amnesia are too cruel and such extreme measures to forget your ex. Stop looking at the past. You might only stumble down and find yourself feeling flat on your face if you persist. Shift your attention to your son who needs your love and attention. Do what is right and honorable. Please use this time alone to do some serious emotional work on yourself. Your acting out a painful pattern, and even though you believe your troubles would be over if only your ex would come back, that's not the answer.

You need to heal that insecure little girl inside you that doesn't believe she's lovable and thinks she has to work really hard to get someone to care about her. Marie, don't make your goal getting him back---make it getting yourself back.

ravishingV

Answer 2

He's not your soulmate, if he had been your soulmate he had not cheated on you,he had not left you for other woman. It must be very painful for you to know he has now a wife and a child, but as painful it is, this is the reality, and there is nothing you can do about it. It was his choice. You have the option to cry over this failed relationship, or to move on, and leave your door open for a real soulmate, the right man for you. Your relationship with that man is past now. Think about his lying, cheating a-- and tell yourself if this is the man you deserved as a husband, if you're honoring your self crying your precious tears feeling nostalgia for a cheater like that one. He did some good things when you lived together, but he did something unforgivable like betraying you. Is it not enough for you to stop thinking of him ?. Stop idealizing him: this is crazy. I never would like a man like that in my life.
I bet you feel very lonely, and for that reason you cannot take off this pest from your mind. Recognize this is over, stop idealizing a cheater like that, make new friends, keep yourself busy, grow your self esteem more. Someday you may find the right man: a man who loves you, respects you, be faithful to you.
Good luck !.

Answer 3

For the same reason that everyone knows about the Natalie Holloway case, but if it were a little black girl in the ghetto you'd only hear about it for a week. There's two reasons for it as I see it, race, and the fact that the American media doesn't pay much attention to it, so we're not exposed to those images too much, in much the same way the media ignores political candidates they don't agree with, and the fact that they don't show much video of the war (mission accomplished) anymore, they don't want us to focus on those things. T.V=Opium for the masses. As for abortion, it's just a political tool at this point. The Christians are so contradictory anyway, they hate abortion, think contraception is a sin, (because the naked human body and taking pleasure in sex for it's own sake is "dirty") but they rarely adopt orphans, and when they do, it's even more rarely black children. Thanks for the sermon Buddy, save it for the pulpit.

Answer 4

Here is the true definition of Love it's having the ability to deny oneself for the benefit of others sometimes at the expense of oneself.So if you really love him you can't cause him to stumble with his wife and child.You didn't meet a great guy,he may have been great with you, but a great guy doesn't have an established relationship behind your back that draws him away from you. You don't have to stop loving him but you have to stop loving on him, it's like throwing money into the wind,it just drifts away with no means of return.I'm sure this is hard but hold on beloved, it gets better.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear what your going through. Breakups can be very difficult especially when its someone you truly love.
For starters you have to believe and I mean truly believe with every fiber of yourself that you deserve better. Someone who truly loves you will not cause you so much pain. Its unfortuante that you loved someone who ended up being a jerk but that is his loss because he doesnt have you. Yes, he might be with someone else but you don't know whats going on in their relationship and now its time for you to not care. Believe me I've been there.....I loved someone for ten years...yep ten long years off and on but thats what it ended up to be. Don't waste your time like I did. For a while I woudl think about how he was with someone else and how lucky she was and that God must not want me to be happy. That could not have been farther from the truth. I realized that God has a better person for me and that if I remained in the past I would never meet him. Don't waste your life and anymore tears on soemone who doesnt deserve it. Focus your time and attention on your son, yourself, growing spiritually, work, family, friends and even school if you wanted to take so classes. But DON"T waste your time thinking about him...yes it will be hard but not impossible....it just takes one day at a time and then a couple of months from now you'll turn around and the pain will not be as intense and then one day you'll feel none at all.
Take Care~

Answer 6

You are going to have to try to find the strength from within to move on. It is over between you two. He is now married. I know it hurts badly. Put the focus back on you. In time you will get over him. And besides, do you really want a man that cheated on you and married someone else? You could never trust him again. There is someone out there special waiting to find you.

Answer 7

you deserve way better. I think this ex-fiancee wasn't very mature - still growing up. It sounds like his current marriage may not be on solid ground. Hard to figure out what will next happen in his life. You need to grieve and allow your heart to be open to others.

Answer 8

I recently had a similar thing happen to me with my girl. You are the one who is at the root of this problem. You're stuck on him and don't want to move on, but you have to make up in your head that you have to move on. Its a hard process and it takes time once you start to move on. You have to realize that there aren't soul mates and yet there are many of them. Start now and move on, he has.

Answer 9

Marie, you may very well love him for the rest of your life. You can learn to love from afar. He'll always be in your heart and it will be ok. Love never dies. But does stop hurting.

Answer 10

Sadly, he has moved on and so should you, as it is over. Stop wasting your time and creating a fantasy that will never be true. It is time to accept that he now belongs to another and it isn't you.