My 10 year old daughter has changed 5 schools since 09/06, help me....?

Question

We travelled and now are settled. She's extremely smart and a great "teacher's pet." Other kids are intimitated by her because she is so smart and loves to help. They tease her all the time because she gets straight A's and knows more than the class. Any suggestions for a good book, advice for my wonderful daughter. She was crying tonight and I don't know what else to say. I've bought her 3 books on how to handle bullies, etc., but she's super sensitive and they don't seem to help. PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

Oh my gosh, that poor kid. Have you spoken to her teacher? There's some other reason the kids are teasing her - it's not just about her being smart (lots of kids get straight As). It would help to know her age too... middle school is a tough age (6th, 7th, 8th) for kids. And if you, as her mother, believe she is "super-sensitive" - she'll be super sensitive. Believe that she is strong, tell her she's strong, and she'll be strong. It might also help if you encourage her to invite one or two classmates over. Could help her make her own circle of friends...

Answer 2

The first thing you can do for your daughter, have a talk with her teacher(s) and tell them to cool it with the "teacher's pet" thing. You daughter doesn't need to know that you talked with her teacher(s). It would probably embarrass her. Your daughter doesn't need to know your every move.

All the teacher's are doing is drawing more attention to your daughter and she doesn't need that kind of attention. Teacher's should treat all students as equals. Not separate them according to grades or anything else. In some cases, yes, teachers may have to spend a little more time with kids who are having a harder time. Again, this is the teachers job, not your daughters. At least in this case.

Teacher's should be giving the other kids there due. Pick a different kid to pass out the papers, etc. She could pick another kid, other than your daughter, to help another student who needs it. This doesn't mean your daughter should be left out in the cold. She should have her "turn" too. Just not all the time.

Don't think the other kids are intimitated by your daughter at all. What they are seeing is your daughter is the "teachers pet," and that isn't goint to sit very well with the other kids. That's the #1 thing the other kids don't want to see.

You could suggest to you daughters teacher(s) to figure out another way of returning papers with the kids grades on them. I know a lot of teacher's give the kid in the front seat or how ever the class is set up and then take theres and pass the rest on down the line. I have always felt, that each students test scores/grades should be private and personal to that student. If the kids want to share and talk about each others grades that's up to them, but others may not feel the same.

If your daughter wasn't the "perfect teacher's pet" she probably wouldn't get harassed as much for being an A student. She should only help another kids if that kid asks for your daughters help. The teacher shouldn't assign her the job even though she likes to help out.

How I see it, teacher's have been teaching long enough to know how other kids in the class are going to react when your daughter or anyone else for that matter are made to be the "teacher's pet." I think you have a pretty good picture how that makes the other kids feel by your daughter being unhappy and coming home crying from being harassed.

Sit down with your daughter and maybe the two of you can think of ways to turn things around for the better. Your daughter will have to learn how to defend herself against kids like these. She has junior and high school to get through.

Your daughters teacher(s) aren't helping the situation either with the "teacher's pet" thing if indeed that's the case.

I dislike/hate bullies and think they need to be dealt with. There's too much of that in our schools and it's getting worse. It's out of control. Schools need to really crack down on the bullies, because some kids that are being bullie walk away scared for life. Isn't that a pretty picture.

Answer 3

I'm a teacher, and also traveled around A LOT when I was younger. I was also picked on for a long time for being too smart, teacher's pet, etc. until I finally figured it out.

I became confident in effectively ignoring bullies. There are bullies everywhere--even in the adult world. Once you realize that the bullies are people (or kids) who have been previously picked on, or are people who are really insecure or feeling inadequate in some way--it's a true realization.

That is the advice I give to my students. I tell them to let a teacher know (PRIVATELY--otherwise it just leads to more bullying. An anonymous note is what I suggest.) Then I tell them to simply walk away from a bully or say something strong, but simple like "Whatever," or "I don't care what you say about me" and then WALK AWAY with NO OTHER INTERACTION. The bullying will probably get worse before it gets better, because when bullies sense they are losing their victims they get desperate and try and break them down even further.

BUT, when bullies are convinced you are no fun to pick on or that you really don't care, you are no longer of interest. Confidence is the best weapon--even if it is fake confidence at first.

THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM. But, it sounds like your daughter is smart--if she understands why bullies are bullies, she might feel more confident that she is well adjusted enough to not be a bully. She also might find it easier to ignore or make that simple statement. I know it sounds stupid, but have her practice at home with you, even on a video tape so she can see how confident she looks.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Comfort your daughter as best as you can then GO TO THE SCHOOL!!! You HAVE TO let the teachers and principal know that your daughter is being bullied. Let them know in no uncertain terms that they have to take steps to address the issue -- whether it is by disciplining the child who is the main bully, and/or setting up meetings with the parents of the child who is the main bully. In most circumstances, if you can get the main bully to stop, the others will do the same.
If the school refuses to do anything, then you have two options: confront the child yourself (most children are intimidated by adults anyways) or take your daughter out of the school. When my youngest sister was being bullied in school, my Mom confronted the lead bully (and made her cry) and approached the teacher. She did both on the same day.

No parent should tolerate having their child bullied. Teachers (and schools) are responsible to provide a safe environment for all children while they're in their care. The more serious an issue you make of this to the teachers by letting them know that you will not tolerate having your child being made miserable, the better a reaction you will get.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You really need to be there for her right now. That means you ask about her day and give lots of hugs and kisses every single night until this dies down -- which it will. It will take time, though. In the meantime, try to think if you have any friends who have kids your daughter's age and plan an outing together. That will give her some one-on-one time with a peer and an opportunity to make friends. Maybe get her out for an after school sports team or other activity, too.

Ten years old is a tough time for girls. Things start to get clique-y, and other girls can be really mean. Now is probably not the time to have your daughter make a social statement by not letting her go along with whatever trends are prevailing in her school. Whatever jeans the kids are wearing, if they're wearing lip gloss, etc. - as long as it's safe and healthy- it's fine.

Eventually, she will make friends and fit in, but she will need a lot of help.

Answer 6

My daughter Summer is also 10, and is super smart, she loved to help her teacher, but also got teased at school a little.

Home school your girl, she's too smart for school, and does not deserve to be bullied. You would not put up with that at work. My daughter is so much happier now that she's home, and has the freedom to move on unlike in school.

You have a special daughter, homeschooling would be a great place to nurture the gifts she has. There is a better way, and she should not be picked on, not even one more day.

Answer 7

Last year my daughter was 10 and we had just moved here (to TX) from California, My daughter is smart also and she is very tall, She is 5,8, I was very upset because she was sad all the time, and she was ashamed to tell me that she was being bullied, I went to the school talk to the teachers and the fix the problem the same day, now if that doesn't work talk to the principal or the parents of the children that she is having problems with.

Answer 8

i'm a 40 year previous father of two women, a protracted time 8 & 10. the ten year previous would not have many buddies; sounds comparable on your concern. The 8 year previous is extremely lovable and personable and it type of feels that everybody is her buddy. The older one notices this and gets discouraged and then acts as much as get interest. right here is what we try this seems to paintings greater helpful: a million. introduce the ten year previous to three self reliant activities. Piano, knitting, examining, bypass usa (working), swimming, and vogue are all pastimes that she has taken up. 2. enable the two women play jointly if / while they % to. they could study to settle for one yet another as they are. 3. detect a million buddy for the ten year previous. this is no longer suitable to have in basic terms a million buddy, whether it is so plenty greater helpful than no one. i would not recommend commencing on the different college, getting a doctor to diagnose upload, etc. those form of issues say "you're a concern and we could do something specific for you". deal which incorporate your daughter like a typical individual and at last she will discover herself.

Answer 9

just tell her to ignore it and to stop being a know it all. smart kids are bullied because they often belittle and put down the other kids. talk to her find out why its happening. also as much as it will hurt have her back off on the teacher pet thing. tell her to do it in private and not to blab about it.

i was the smartest kid in my class and the teachers favorite and pet. its hard. i was teased for being smart and the teachers pet. looking back i understand why. i made fun of the others for not being as smart as me. tell her to think before she speaks and to ask her self would i be hurt if someone said what i am about to say to me.

stop moving so much. moving is part of the problem. stay put and face your problems not even the military moves that much your running from something stop being a coward and face your own problems this also affects her.

Answer 10

As a kid whose father was in the military we moved alot too.

Its hard and it just gets harder... please think before you move your children especially if its not REALLY necesary.

Perhaps you could help your daughter join some groups out of school - i found the hardest thing was making friends over and over again.

She may be gravitating towards the teachers ( who obviously think she's great) because they are easier than having to make new (kid) friends all the time.

Help her get to know some of the kids in her class - get her to invite someone over, ask the teacher for help in matching her up with soneone who might be similar in character / personality.

Ask for help from the school to help her settle in, she needs your support.

Try not to move again if at all possible for at least 2 years - its too much for most kids unless they are really outgoing and confident and even then its usually a protective cover.

Best of luck.