I'm in tears and at my witts end. Please give advice?

Question

My almost 8 year old in grade 2 is causing me nothing but head aches. She gets so easily distracted when in school that she doesn't get her work done. When she brings it home it is a constant battle to get it done here and I am so frustrated that I am in tears and just don't know what to do anymore.

I have talked to the teachers, we have changed her seating, we have tried taking things away, we have tried rewarding her when she gets it done, we have tried EVERYTHING!

Please help me and no rude answers. I have had enough childish crap to last me a life time.

I was told her behavior was of no concern from her teacher and that we do not need to consult a Dr yet.

We have a very strict routine of home work as soon as we get in at the table, no tv, no radio nothing. The only time she is having problems getting her work done is when it is solo work and her attitude isn't that she doesn't understand, it is that she gets a quarter of the way through it, lets you know she knows what she is doing so why should she bother doing the rest because she obviously knows how to do it.

I have had her eyes checked and no problems. 20/20. It is almost like she is board all the time.

Answer 1

You mentioned two things that I may be able to offer solutions to. Our oldest son was doing the same things in 2nd grade. He was a very early reader and was able to grasp concepts quickly in school (he's a junior in HS now and is a high 'B' student). We tried 'everything' as well. Here's what worked:
Homework: Try not rushing straight to the table to do homework after school. Give the child a 'breather'. Let them watch TV, rest, goof, have a snack, etc. for 1 hour - then - homework until it's done - no excuses - no exceptions. Tell the child that the 'Rest THEN work' routine will continue as long as they do their part. I think you'll find that it's easier to get what you want if you give a little first - especially if the child seems 'bored' with their school work - here's where that fix comes in: Working in school - your perception that the child is bored may be dead on - perhaps the level of work the rest of the class is at is below your childs capacity. Ask the teacher if there are extra worksheets, assignments, etc., that your child can do once she finishes the basics the rest of the class is toiling with. This put our son - in his mind - ahead of the class and forced him to focus more diligently. He WAS bored - he did grasp what was being taught and the tedium that the repetition to benefit the rest of the class was causing made him crazy. The extra worksheet that was a step or two ahead of the class helped him focus on his work and he was working at a 4th grade level by the end of 2nd grade. It's not common for a teacher to offer extra work to a child who seems to be struggling - but - it just might be the solution if you have tried everything else. Good Luck!

Answer 2

My 9 year old grand daughter, sounds like your daughter.
My grand daughter has ADHD. Without her meds. she's flying all over the place. Can't concentrate, can't sit still. In other words, a pain in the neck.

You can see a big difference when she hasn't taken her meds. vs when she has. She has been on meds. since about 1st grade. She also has Bipolar. Talk about disruptive before the meds. I can't even explain. So her mom gets hit twice. Or should I make that 4 hits, because her 14 yr old daughter has the same.

My advice would be to take your daughter to the doctor. They can pretty well determine if there's ADD-ADHD lurking around in there somewhere. At least this would be a start.

Know how you feel. Used to sit with the 14 yr old when she was younger, "trying" to help with homework. Sometimes we would make it thru, sometimes not. Somehow I made it. I'm still alive to tell my story.

I'll tell you now, don't beat yourself up about the homework thing. If she gets some done, it's better than none. It's the keeping there interest which isn't going to last long.

Used to keep to the same routine also. Home from school, right to homework. You would like to give them 15 min., but you can't. If you don't get down to business (homework) right away after school, it's all over but the shouting.

Will say the 9 yr old is better working with. At least that's what I hear. I've retired from homework duty. Hope that doesn't make you cry. Me getting out of homework duty.

You have to laugh sometimes. Like I said, all you can do, is the best you can do. Sometimes, you just have to walk away and forget about the rest of the homework. Send a note to the teacher saying this is as far as we got tonight.

If you feel she has too much homework to do, (she probably does at this time) that means another talk with the teacher. Teacher will have to cut down some of the homework. You can't continue the way you're going. You aren't going to make it. Don't care what the teacher says. Make an appointment with her doctor.

Glad you asked. Hope this helps and makes you feel better.

Answer 3

Your last statement could be exactly what the issue is. It is not uncommon for children to have a hard time paying attention when they already know the information. Heck, it is hard for me to pay attention as an adult if I already know the information. Unfortunately, there is not a lot a person can do. I know some parents will insist on having their kids moved up a grade but honestly that just teaches her she doesn't have to pay attention when she doesn't want to. If you truly believe your daughter is bored because of intelligence and the teacher backs this up you must get her tested. If anything the school might consider specialists that can work with her or they may have her go into grade 3 for certain subjects. I know my daughter's school works with the kids that are more advanced seperately. They do not want those kids getting bored. If this school does not care you need to get her into a better school district that will do something. Good luck!

Answer 4

When sit her down to do her work, make sure she understands it. When you have helped her with a coulple of questions, leave her to the rest and tell her to call you in when she is done. If she starts saying she has completed some so she knows what she's doing, put your hand up and say "this is non-negotiable, when you are finished, you can get up from the table and watch tv, if there's time before bed routines are to be done. Make sure that the teacher isn't sending home too much work. Your child's teacher has to take some resposibility in making sure she is doing her work at school. Also, don't get caught up in the arguing, complaining and crying. If your child know's what she is doing then the issue is that she doesn't want to do the work. Catch this issue now before she gets older!

Answer 5

Well, this is just a suggestion, and perhaps you've tried this but...

Try having her do the easiest stuff first. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it works for many kids.

I'm a reading intervention specialist in the NYC public schools, and my homework is always easier than the classroom teacher's work, because it's tailor made for each kid I teach. The kids who get their work done all do my homework first. Those kids who struggle the most with their homework are doing the hardest stuff first.

The classroom teachers in my school all know I've asked parents to be sure my homework is done first and they are all on board with this, because they see that the kids are doing the homework for THEIR classes better, too!

Some kids are really daunted by homework, and doing the easiest stuff first functions as a warm up for the harder work. It allows them to start off being successful, and that makes going on to the more stressful stuff less upsetting.

Give it a try.

Answer 6

Hi desperate mom,

I was one of those kids. I was bored out of my mind all the time in school, I knew what i was doing halfway through it and would pretty much give up on it and whine and complain on why I had to do the whole sheet. I was the kid that would say " do we have to?" after everything the teacher would say. So in other words I was a teachers and my mothers worst nightmare. I have 2 older brothers who were teachers pets , got their work done in less then 20 minutes and were free to play while i sat there in tears and wasn't allowed to get up from the table until i finished my work, which i would throw a fit at and finally my mom tired of battling me would send me to bed.
They too checked my vision, hearing, a thousand different sitting arrangements, moving me up a grade and nothing helped. FInally my mom decided that she and I would go to the library every afternoon after school. It was "our thing" she would pick me up we'd go pick up an afterschool snack, and head to the library. There were little private rooms where mom and I would sit and do homework. There were no distractions of my brothers running around, the TV, dinner, nothing. There was nothing on the walls and all i could focus on was that homework. The other thing that really helped was that she would bribe me with a dance class, a music class, swim class, sport or something that i liked. If i did good then I could attend that meeting, class, session, practice that week. ANother thing that helped me was that I picked up a foreign language. SOmething that challenged me to no end and that really seemed to help. She would make me do study sheets from it that would make me think and allow me to focus on something different 1/2 way through my homework she would give me a some language challenge or riddle for me to solve ... i guess like of like a prize. I loved them and look forward to them everyday.
I hope this helps,It might be worth a try, it helped me. Good report from my teachers on Friday meant i got to choose the movie for the weekend or a fun event to go to. Anyway good luck and let me know how it goes.

Answer 7

Does she have a solid routine? Maybe you could try having a quiet house until she does all her work. When my Mom and I came home from school we didn't relax until everything was done. We didn't turn anything on either(TV,radio,computer). All my work had to be done before I could do anything. Maybe you could try and "option" I do this with my son sometimes. You could say "Ok, you can do your work and then clean your room, or you can sit there and everyday when you get home I will have a list of five things for you to do around here." I think that is she won't do her school work then she needs to be doing something and I am sure you have a few things around the house that need to be done. It sounds like she is a little lazy like a lot of kids these days so I think she just needs a little tough love.

Answer 8

This definitely sounds like ADD. I would take her to the pediatrician and have her tested. I was never an advocate for medication for a child, until I suspected that my son had ADD, and he takes 70 mg of Stratterra a day. He is now a 4th grader with straight A's. He was diagnosed in Kindergarten, and has done fine ever since. It's like the difference between night and day when he started on his medication. It's definitely worth a try. If you are against medication, there are also herbal supplements that are available as well.

Answer 9

"I was told her behavior was of no concern from her teacher and that we do not need to consult a Dr yet."

Her teacher is not a licensed psychiatrist and has no business dictating to you whether or not you need to consult a doctor.

I suggest getting her tested for learning disabilities. If something is found, you'll save her years of strife, hardship and difficulty by teaching her how to over come her disability to function on par with the other students.

Trying to over come a disability and not knowing how and consistently failing very well could lead to self esteem issues down the road.

If nothing has been found, atleast you can say you've ruled that out and will have an easier time pin pointing the issue.

Answer 10

take a deep breath. in & out, in & out... ok, now that we have calmed down a bit...

what 8 year old likes to do school work? I am 18 and I still hate it. when your child comes home every day have her sit at the table and finish her school work. if she fights (and she will the first few times) then she goes into "timeouts" (or if your family is like mine was, give her a few spanks). but always make sure her school work gets done FIRST.

as far as the school goes, you could try taking things away at home every time she is bad at school. the key to this working is persistence. you have to stand your ground. one day you will get through to her. just don't loose your cool.

edit: now I see that you are already doing this, have you looked into testing her for a gifted program? if she is truly board all the time then she will never like school. maybe you could even switch to a private school that would help her develop certain skills faster.