if you've been through a divorce.. please help me..?

Question

okay here's the thing.. i'm 13 in 7th grade..
My brother is in college at LSU. i use to live in Louisiana until my parents split up.. which was when i was 11.
11 was my worst year. I got really bad grades because i couldn't focus.. mostly because of my parents divorce. I lived with my dad but the court decided i'd be better with my mom.. which i didn't really agree with. My brother was supp ose to stay with my dad. since he's old enough and he'd be leaving for college soon. My mom soon got married to this one guy that i couldn't get along with. Now, we okay. but i still won't call him dad. why? because he's not my dad. Dad is a strong word for me.. well, he is my step dad. and i'm nice to him. When i turned 12.. my birthday present was to move. I cried for about 2 days. i didn't eat because i was so upset. i know.. stupid huh. whenever my parents left. i ate something.. I called my best friend to come to my house and hang out and go to our treehouse. she was there for me for alot.

She was there when my mom got married and she was there to comfort me when i got the news that i was moving. she was the first one i called when my mom told me. and i broke down crying then she knew what was up. I've been getting better grades. Mostly because.. i didn't like my past. and i wanted to change.
My mom always says rude things saying like your dad is stupid and he wanted you so bad and he knows that he can't have you. and it always made me cry. This year, I'm spending X-mas with my dad and brother. My dad though i'd be staying til Jan 2. but my school starts on Jan 2 and i have to go back. i was talking to my dad on the phone and he was really excited about going to the white house for the countdown and going on and on. and i soon remembered that i was staying til Dec. 31. and i really wnat to be with my dad and bro and i really wnat to spend new years and christmas. but i don't wnat to ask my mom because i know she'll get mad.. but i really want to stay til jan. 1.. how?

Answer 1

I know you're really angry right now. and your mom probably is too. but you need to work on the communication between the two of you. he is your dad and everything...and your mom has to understand that. she has you the rest of the year am i right? an extra day is not going to kill her. she'll get over it if you say hey i wanna stay an extra day for the countdown. she'll be mad on the phone but what can she do? drive there and pick you up? give it a shot good luck & merry christmas to youuu

Answer 2

You really are having it rough.

It doesn't sound to me as if your mother is being very considerate of your feelings at all. She is wrong to speak badly of your dad. The next time she does it, why don't you try asking her to stop saying bad things about your dad to you? It may work and at least she will know how you feel.

There is no reason for you to call your step father "dad;" you have a dad and that is enough. My sister was remarried when her son was 10. Her son loved her new husband and he (new husband) was wonderful to him, but he always just called him by his first name. They still had love and respect for each other, it didn't matter what they called each other. You may come to really like your step father but that does not mean you would ever have to call him dad.

I don't know why the courts decided that you would be better off with your mom, but that happens sometimes. In many states (it is that way where I live) the courts take the child's feelings into consideration at age 14. If things are really bad, you may need to wait until 14 and have your dad reopen the court case.

Is it easy to talk to your brother? Maybe he can help intervene with your mom about Christmas vacation. There isn't a good reason why you should not be able to stay through New Years Day.

It doesn't sound as if your dad can talk to your mom - they must not be able to get along at all.

This should get a little better with time, at least I hope so. But do have your dad check into what your rights may be at age 14. I know that seems like a long time to you, but it really is not.

the best of luck to you honey, have a wonderful time with your dad at Christmas.

Answer 3

Sounds like your real and step parents have not considered your feelings a lot. I want you to know that God and Jesus are always there for you when people on this earth act selfish. Whenever you go through something difficult again then remember this ok. I have been divorced twice. I have matured enough in my mind where I know that if you have children you should stay married and pray about it if you have relationship problems. I mean what causes people to marry in the first place. They must have gotten along at one time right? Anyway, no matter what you do just pray about everything and you will not be lonely and you will feel fine and nobody can hurt you if God and Jesus are on your side.

Answer 4

omg i can help you big!!!!! time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my parents have been divorced for 9 years. im 14 so almost 10 years cause i was four when they got divorced. dad is a strong word for me too. my mom has married 2 other times an done guy 2 times and shes got a bf now. i never like her bfs. i would never never ever ever call them dad. because idc if they are my stepdad to me thats not my family. i dont wanna keep going on if you need help r more of my story or someone to talk to message me =]] good luck!!!!!

Answer 5

That's tough, dear, but know that you are not alone. I know when I got divorced, that my kids had lots of conflicts like this. I have tried to put my feelings aside and make sure that they enjoy their holidays...I love them and would like to spend every minute with them, but I can't blame them for wanting to spend some time with their father. It's not their fault he's a jerk...I could divorce him, but they couldn't!

I have to say, that in your position, the only thing you can do is make your case to your mom, and if she says no, don't put off telling your dad. Try to be adult with your mom and make sure she knows that you love her and appreciate her and your stepdad....There will be lots more holidays to come, so try to spend your time equally. And try to understand that the root of the problem is that both your parents love you very dearly!

Answer 6

Well, you could have difficulties with transportation on the 31st. New Year's Eve is a lousy time to travel. If you need to be in school on the 2nd, why not travel on the 1st? All the drunks will be home with hangovers.

But I'm not sure why you gave us the whole history just to ask that. Was there something else behind all that?

Answer 7

Tell your dad you want to stay with him and let him fight your battle with your sicko mom and her new hubby. That is what dads do for their daughters in need. I am happy you see your mom for who she is (a sorry excuse for a human being).

Answer 8

tell your dad how important it is to you,then maybe he can talk to your mom,nicely or you can tell your mom how much it means to you and she may surprise you and say yes!!! give your mom a chance divorce is hard on grown ups too!!! whatever she says she is your mom so respect her and things will get better,good luck and enjoy your family!

Answer 9

Legally your mother cannot insult your father infront of you so if you appeal to a judge that you do not want to live with your mother you'd be set to go. Be strong went through this when I was eight and it was horrible.

Answer 10

do the best that you can . ask mom maybe she will let you stay but if she dont ,you have nothing to lose