Am I being respectful or cowardly?

Question

I am 23. My crush is 34. I told him i liked him soon after we met and we've been friends ever since. We have a lot in common and I care for him and respect him. There's been some flirting but he made it clear that there was too much of an age-gap and I am trying to respect that. My crush is finally starting to fade away (thank goodness) but I still find myself thinking of what could've been. For me, it's important not to have any regrets and I just have to ask myself, is there anything else I ought to have done?

Answer 1

Quit fussing over the past, what's done is done and what you should be doing is focussing on the present and future.

Answer 2

Sorry, but I think you are being cowardly.

I have been married for almost 37 years to the same woman. I will be 60 in a few weeks. I am not a kid, I am an old man. The worst thing in life is wondering what might have been if I had just done thus and such. I have those feeling some times and they are haunting beyond anything words can describe.

One of the happiest couples I ever knew were separated by at least 30 years. He was very adept at getting his "Wife" introduced before someone was able to ask his "Mother" a question. They were like love birds, to the extent of being almost embarrassing at parties. More than once I could have used a cold water hose to break them up. MY POINT: Age is a piss poor reason to cancel a relationship.

Button hole this guy, tell him what is really going on in your head and clear the air. He may just be waiting for you. Who knows if men or women are the smarter, the point is neither are mind readers. If he says, "Fantastic" you win, if he says "I really meant that I thought we were too far apart in age" then you know it was not meant to be. You can move on with no reservations, no "If I had only's".

Answer 3

You are kinda young but as we get older age doesn't matter that much anymore. It does depend on the maturity aspect of it but him being 34 to your 23 is not that bad. To me 34 is still quite young but with somewhat more experience. He must have felt there was too much difference in your ages and you did the right thing by respecting that. Don't think of what could have been. You said it was just a crush anyway. Things happen for a reason. Maybe in a few years you'll meet again.

Answer 4

I think *he* is the one being cowardly by not being upfront with you. Realistically, if he really wanted you, he would have seized the opportunity regardless of the "age gap" (honestly, who WOULDN'T want to have a younger spouse?).

The only reason why he's using your "age gap" as an excuse is because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that he's simply not interested. I think that if you two did eventually pursue the relationship that it would only end in heartache.

I say don't risk it. You're still young, and I reckon you'll find somebody else in no time. :)

Answer 5

There shouldn't be any regrets as he told you up front how he felt and you kept the friendship anyway which is good. He was right you know and he will find someone closer to his own age one day. Just let him know he was right , that you understand and would still like to be just friends. All should be well on both ends. You can't regret what could never be as it takes two to tango as they say.

Answer 6

Respect his wishes. You don't want to get to caught up because you may end up getting hurt. Enjoy the friendship. Older guys usually offer good advice due to life experiences. Keep the friendship going you never know down the line it may develop into more!

Answer 7

Cowardly and yet respectful.