I am having a really tough time right now. I'm a new mom (as of 3 weeks ago), I am broke and obviously cannot work as I am breastfeeding and my baby is much to young for me to go back to work, my husband is on disability and is crippled for life from an accident we were in....we're living in a suite in my parents basement because we have no money, We are not celebrating christmas this year because of how little money we have (but of course my husband has money for smokes) and I know a lot of people will say "christmas isnt about the money" and I know that, I just like the act of giving, not being a broke *** taking presents from people and not having anything to give in return. I get mad whenever anyone goes out and does anything, as I cannot because of no money, husband being disabled (I like to hike and go for long walks, we used to do that all the time together before the accident, now my husband cannot even walk downt he street..)
2007-12-03 11:48:41 · 9 answers · asked by krisindeed 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I dont know what to do to improve my quality of life, for me, my baby and my husband...but all I want is for us to be happy again. It seems the stresses of everyday life just seem to make us fight all the time...
And...I really wish my husband would quit smoking...but whenver I talk about it, or even just hint at it he flips out on me....
I quit when I had my baby...and with all the feelings going on in my head...I just want a smoke...
I dont know how to fix this....but I really feel it needs to be fixed..
I also Dont want to be on anti depressants, as I have been before, but all it did was made me emotionless, and I dont want that....
I just want things back to the way they used to be....
2007-12-03 11:51:02 · update #1
Also, whenever I talk to anyone about my problems...whether it be my husband, parents or mom in law...they all brush it off like its nothing and say its post partum depression...but its NOT. Its been happening since before I even got pregnant. Since my husband went from working, making lots of money and being this mega tough guy in my eyes....to being on disability, nooo money whatsoever, and hardly able to walk......he doesnt seem tough anymore to me...but I love him so much...it just feels like he's a totally different person...and it hurts me....but he just gets mad and give me a guilt trip when I bring this up with him...I dont know what to do...and I have NO money for counselling or anything so I'm pretty much just stuck in this rut until the day I die or something, I dont know...
2007-12-03 11:58:20 · update #2
First has your husband filed for Soc. Sec. disability? That will give a bit of income.
I totally understand about the smoking. My husband is diabetic and has major heart disease. He quit for awhile but started again when his mother came to live with us. She's been gone for over 10 years but he still can't quit. He has other health problems and is a typically anxious person, so it's very hard for him....
Let go of the fact that your husband is smoking. Yes it is bad but it has to be his decision to stop. You can't control that.
I also totally understand your feeling of helplessness in your situation. Many forget that while the spouse is not injuried/disabled it affects their life just as greatly as the afflected spouse.
Ok you can't buy presents. But you could give of your time. You could make something.... It doesn't have to cost alot... it's the thought that counts. Offer to do your mom's laundry of a couple of months. Cook your mother in law supper once a week for a few months.
Finally look at getting counseling to help you come to terms that your life has changed. So what if you need to go on an antidepressent. There is no shame in that. If the one you were on prior to your pregnancy made you feel no emotion... see if you couldn't try a different one. There are a lot of options out ther.
In a few weeks look at going back to work. You can pump your milk and save it by freezing to feed the baby while you are gone. I know you most likely don't want to work with your new little one.. but sometimes life comes in the way of what we want and what we "have" to do..
Good luck and God Bless
2007-12-03 12:21:59 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in the US your husband can get special job training through the Department of Rehab Services. They have different programs they can refer him to. I was in one that gave me training to work in an office, I learned to type and how to run the different programs. If he is receiving disability from the government, he may already qualify, and he won't have to pay anything.
That dose nothing about Christmas now. You can go to a dollar store or find sales and shop that way. You can find a lot of good stuff to give as gifts. And because your husband is disabled, dose not mean you can't have any fun, go for a walk or hike on your own and take your baby with you. It is a great way to bond with him/her.
It is good you are living with your parents. Can you leave the baby with them or your husband while you work or do they work also? If they work first shift maybe you could work second shift or third. You could get a brest pump and freeze some milk so s/he will always have some.
About your husband and his smoking not much you can do except make him smoke outside for the baby.
So I hope my suggestions help look in to the first one please. Not only for the extra money but for his mental health.
I wish you the best of luck and have a Merry Christmas!!!
2007-12-03 13:01:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i can just say....you are not alone. Know that there are people EVERYWHERE going through very tough times as well. I personally feel that my tough times seem much more prevalent around the holidays. I wish i could give you that magic answer or snap my fingers and all your pain and hardships would go away right now.... and I wish you could do the same for me. :) But maybe knowing that you aren't alone gives you some feeling of hope? Please keep up the faith that things will get better - you will find a way slowly to make some of this work. The most important thing for you, your husband and your newborn is good health - concentrate on that and the rest will come together.....
2007-12-03 11:56:24 · answer #3 · answered by bluecat3636 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do hope your husband isn't smoking around the baby. What you describe is not a happy situation, but I suspect you're suffering some post partum depression, which usually passes without going on anti-depressants. If your husband hasn't applied for disability, do it asap. You would feel better taking some long walks by yourself if someone can watch the baby while you're out. Hang in there.
2007-12-03 11:59:59 · answer #4 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said that you live with your parent. they will probably buy your baby things. Maybe if you ask them for money. then you will be able to things till your baby gets a little older. You need to rember that you always have family, they care about you. you should wait intill your baby is a little older than maybe get a job and go from there. Don't buy small things that are worthless.
2007-12-03 12:22:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the priority belongs to the two one in each and every of you. you have stopped him yet for some reason you probably did no longer. Who handles the funds? You the two ought to take a seat and bypass over what has exceeded off and are available up with a plan. Or seek for advice from somebody who can. you need to take duty on your area of this and flow on.
2016-09-30 13:22:06 · answer #6 · answered by mataya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look all i do when i have a problem that big is ask god for strengh when i'am feeling like your feeling now but it's just my advice so you can listenif you want! oh yeah also you can go to churches and stuff the will help you out it says in mattew 21;22 "whatvever you ask in faith you will recieve"
2007-12-03 11:59:44 · answer #7 · answered by jamoose 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi. depression is such a horrible thing and so hard to get out of. be optimistic, take on board all the things that make/made you smile. keep your chin up babe! xxx
2007-12-03 12:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
god bless your poor soul
2007-12-03 11:56:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋