My cousin is getting married out of the country next week. Half my family cant go because of finances. I cant go because of money, unable to get work off now (retail,xmas season) and college finals.
My cousin comes from a lot of money. hes not a millionaire, but he doesnt have to think twice about going to another country to get married. All of his guests are paying for their own plane ticket, passport, hotel room (in a hotel thats 200 a night that they picked out for everyone to stay at) , rental car and all meals that are not served at the wedding.
Some of the family (including those going and not going) asked me to pitch in a $100 dollars for a rediculous flashy gift. I think they are insane. I am now getting the cold shoulder because i said I didnt have a 100 extra dollars (which i dont) id rather make a $50 donation in their name, or something like that
Am i insne or are they?
Or maybe i am just too poor to be part of the family. sorry people for putting myself thru college
2007-12-03 11:29:18 · 14 answers · asked by 0111450 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
jut to clear things up. I am not mad at him for having a wedding so far away, if thats what makes him happy then then I am happy for him. Sure I would love to be at the wedding but it is not possible, and people have been guilting me about not going to the wedding. i have told them that I would love to be at the wedding but I can not afford it.
The thing about the gift that bugs me is that it is not something that they wanted , its something that my aunt thought of for them, that they have previouslly said they didnt want, because they didnt like it. i tried reminding them of this but got ignored, many times. i like the idea of a donation because the whole family is into charitable stuff and it would be a way of sharing he celebration with others.
2007-12-03 12:40:28 · update #1
They are nuts. How dare they expect you to contribute a set $ amount the gift. You should contribute what you want, if anything or, stick with your plan to contribute to charity.
2007-12-03 11:39:19 · answer #1 · answered by Earl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally its expected that you will buy a gift that roughly equals the amount of money the couple would spend on you at the reception. Even if you cant make it, its expected that you still will do this because you recieved an invite.
I understand why your family may be a bit put out by your refusal but if you dont have the cash then there is nothing else you can do. Perhaps calmly explaining to them that you simply cant despite the fact you would like to join in with their gift may help the situation. My guess is that your cousin and new partner would much prefer somebody to help them unpack all their gifts when they return or do something helpful like that rather than a large flashy present anyway.
2007-12-03 20:50:57 · answer #2 · answered by katie 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
No you are not insane. Yes your cousin has the right to have their dream wedding, but no one should hold anything against you if you can't go or contribute $100.
Just get them your own gift and wish them well! I'm sure the cold shoulder will blow over. Concentrate on your finals and don't stress about this!
2007-12-03 20:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are perfectly sane girl! You have your priorities in order (work, school, etc) and your cousin understands that you can't afford to make it and finals cannot be missed. Your family is wrong for trying to twist our arm into going in on a gift with them. Since you said your cousin and his fiance don't like the gift anyway, your family should not be giving it to them anyway. It will probably sit in a box collecting dust for years.
That said, I like your gift idea better. Is there a cause that your cousin is involved in? Donate it to them and send your cousin a card with a little card stating that the gift was made in their name. I'm sure they'll like it. Don't give into your family, do what you feel is right.
2007-12-03 23:15:54 · answer #4 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your cousin can have his wedding whever he wants. I'm sorry you can't go but the couple should not give up their dreams to keep everybody happy. You will never make everbody happy. It would be one thing if he was making phone calls and griping people out for not attending because they couldn't afford it but that doesn't seem to be the case.
The people who are going WANT to go. Maybe it's just to see your cousin married, maybe they want a mini-vacation...who knows. Just like with you they had the option to back out. If that's how they want to spend their paychecks then so be it. You have no right to judge.
As far as the gift goes $100 is a pretty typical amount these days so it's not like they requested some ungodly amount. I totally understand that you can't afford it but that's all you need to say. Why do you care if it's "flashy"....it's what they like and if people are pitching in they are still spending the same amount. What you have said is INSANE. You know your cousin wants a certain gift...not a charitable donation. So tell me why you are going to blow $50 of hard earned money that you say you don't have much of specifically to give the couple something they don't want? Just to make YOU feel better?
Maybe it's unintentional but you come across as jelous and bitter that your cousin has more money than you. I am a poor college student myself but would never think to look down on somebody just because they can afford things that I can't. You are right for sticking to your budget but I have to think that your attitude probably has something to do with the cold shoulder you are recieving.
2007-12-03 20:06:02 · answer #5 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 1⤊ 6⤋
you are not attending the wedding so you are under no obligation to get them a gift. feel free to send them a card, or do whatever you want to do (like the donation), but do not feel like you have to chip in on this gift, because you don't.
2007-12-04 16:45:52 · answer #6 · answered by not margaret 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's separate out your finances from your cousin's. I agree with the well-stated posts above that encouraged you to stick to your budget and not give more than you can afford. Your relatives should respect that your budget is $50 and not judge you for it.
At the same time, your cousin's wedding is his business. If he plans to get married in another country that half the family can't afford to attend, why judge him for it? His wedding, his business. Just as your budget is your business.
2007-12-03 19:57:57 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you did the right thing by refusing to chip in 100. that seems over the top for a gift for someone who would have a wedding in a country that not everyone could afford. it seems like they don't realize that not everyone is in the same boat as they are. stand up for yourself and if no one likes it tell them they can chip in your 100 for you.
2007-12-03 19:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by laura 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You aren't insane, it's not right for your family to be mad at you about that. They should understand your situation. Good for you for standing up for yourself and what you can afford, it sounds like your family is bending under the pressure of trying to impress your cousin and his family with a fancy gift.
2007-12-03 19:35:20 · answer #9 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You are perfectly fine in your thinking. Write a nice well wishing card and enclose the donation card and let the rest of the family be.
2007-12-03 22:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by ETicket 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋