1st anniversary of a close family members death ?

Question

we are going to the church in the morning and then up to the crematorium in the afternoon , we will be taking flowers with us is their anything else we can do to honour their memory

please kind answers only its a difficult time thanx xxx

we paid for a small rose bush to be planted in their memory , in the rose garden , the children want to leave something there , will this be allowed x

thanx i sit here reading your answers through my tears thankyou so much xxxxx

every answer is so good i don't know which one to pick ,i'm sorry i will choose in the morning i haven't forgotton about you all xxxxx

Answer 1

First let me express my most sincere condolences on your loss. My only sibling died in the summer of 2000, and I remember very well what the pain was like on the first anniversary of his death.

One of the things we did that day (I also did it last year on the first anniversary of the death of one of my dearest friends) was buy a bunch of balloons. We all wrote notes saying the things we had wished we had said earlier, when there was still time. We tied them to the strings of the balloons and let the balloons go. There was something almost cleansing about letting those balloons and their messages go. It didn't make the pain any better, but it did give some comfort.

As for the children, you'd have to check with the cemetary (I am presuming the ashes are interred at a normal cemetary, either in one of those special vaults or in the ground). I know that in my area, you are allowed to leave almost anything you like at a burial place. One thing I see a lot this time of year when I go to where my grandparents are buried is Christmas things, like wreathes or other decorations. One year, I also saw a sprig of mistletoe with a lovely note on it asking those who saw it as they passed by to remember to give their loved ones a kiss, as we never know when we might lose them.

If the cemetary or mortuary allows it, I would let the children decide what they would like to leave. Explain to them that it should be something small, and something which they think your family member might like. I, myself, used to always take candy canes and chocolates to my sister-in-law's grave, as she loved sweets.

I know you said that you had a rose bush planted, but might I suggest that you also plant one in your own garden? That is my mother's practice, and it is really a lovely reminder when you see your plant blooming. At our old house, she had a rose bush for her mother, and a berry bush for her father, because he loved berries with cream.

I do truly wish there was some way for me to soothe your pain, but I know from experience that time is the only thing which makes it bearable. Hang in there, and I promise you that one day it won't hurt quite as badly as it does right now.

Be well.

Bronwen

Answer 2

Bex you know I will understand how hard this is for you being my first Christmas without my daughter.
We are taking flowers to the crematorium and my sisters are putting a piece in local paper in her memory.
The fact you remember is honour enough to be honest it is what is on inside not material things.
Your children can leave a small gift yes they do allow it.
At my local one you can have a plaque done but it is expensive and also the funeral home did small cards for £2 which had a lovely verse on one side and her details on other to keep in purse or wallet.
My thoughts are with you and if you want a chat you know where I am.

Answer 3

My sincere sympathy to you and your family.It is difficult to have a family member die but it is especialy difficult near the holidays.I would suggest that you could make a memorial donation to the family members favorite charity.It will be a meaningful tribute that will continue to do good long after the day has passed.When my sister-in-law died we gave money to an animal rescue organization and with my parents it was the hospital for sick kids.The point is that the donation will support the charity that meant the most to your family member.You could make it an annual donation.Take care.

Answer 4

Iam really truly sorry to hear that Bex,and also for all the other answers who have gone through such sad ordeals my thoughts are with them aswell.

I think what you have done sounds really sweet and also the fact your children are leaving there own personal memors is nice aswell,Iam trying to think but what you have put down sounds really caring and I can't think of much else,Iam sure it will all help to honour the memory of that special person,just the thought in itself I think is kind.

I truly do wish you and your family all the best.

Answer 5

I understand and you have my sympathy. I went through exactly the same thing recently (October 24th) which was the first anniversary of my father's sudden passing. As a family we decided it would be better for us to not actually mark the occasion with too much ceremony. We collectively decided that the occasion was too sad and chose to celebrate his life rather than place to much emphasis on the day of his death. I personally am in the process of founding a non-profit organization that will be named for both him and my still living mother.

Answer 6

Its sounds like you have thought of pretty much everything but the suggestions people have made about the balloons is a lovely idea especially for children.

I can't even begin to imagine what you may be going through today but I believe Bex that whatever you and your family do today, that close family member will be watching and smiling.

Take care, chin up, hug your kids and never let them go, that's the one thing that always gets me through a difficult time.
I'll be thinking of you today. xx

Answer 7

I'm crying with you Bex because I feel your pain - I know as I have lost both my parents and just had the anniversary of both of them. If you get this before you go I would like to say your thoughts of your loved one will reach him and just light a candle in his memory. Place a little bunch of flowers next to his photograph when you get home. He will be watching. love you Bex xxx

Answer 8

It sounds as though you have pretty much covered the things I might have thought of....I suppose I can only think of one occasion when I have been through something similar....we lost my father's guardian in 2001....and while he was not a family member in the strictest sense, he was the nearest thing I have ever had to a grandfather...and I loved him a lot. I do remember the time around the first anniversary of his passing....all I could do was keep him and his family in my thoughts, because they all live in Yorkshire and I am in Cambridge! I did keep his family in my thoughts...especially his widow...and I kept thinking of him during that time, too...it was hard not to.

Best of luck to you.....keep your chin up....my thoughts are with you.

Answer 9

What we did every year since my dad died 8 yrs ago is we buy a vanilla candle and we have asked our closest family members to do the same and we light it at 7am on april 5th and keep it lit till 8pm that same night the time he passed on and that way he is a little closer to our hearts too... I am sorry for your loss and may god bless and comfort u in this time of sorrow...

Answer 10

One idea I really liked was planting a tree in the loved one's name. It helps the enviornment and is a lasting tribute to the person. You can buy a plaque to put on it if you want, but just knowing there is a tree where you can go and watch it grow really helped our family. God bless all of you I hope that time will lessen your pain.