This will likely take some additional details , but I really would like to get a sense of what others think about my situation.
Normally ( and I don't, honestly beleive that this night was vastly different that that) I am a very caring, moral and upright person. I take great pride in myself and the way I interact with others. I'm not perfect but I am always trying to be respectful and a model of a good person. I have many good role models in my life and any big mistakes I have ever made ussually didn't effect anyone besides myself. But on a night about a year ago, I went to a bar with a friend and ended up drinking too much. Normally I am not a huge drinker and now I've virtually stopped entirely, but this night I was past my limit definatly. I made a move on a girl there whom I had been speaking with for some time and kissed her. She didn't seem to be angry or thrown back by it and I didn't think anything wrong of it at the time ( though quite out of my character, I guess I felt I ...
2007-12-03 10:08:17 · 10 answers · asked by walrus 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
guess I felt I should take move risks and chances in my life, though I'm not sure what exactly was going through my mind at the time, though I know I was not looking for sex as, no matter how drunk Iwould have been, that would be out of the question as I am saving it for a future wife as to me it's the most sacred thing to share with someone whom you are romantically connected. I'm sorry I have to share this with you and I'm terrible sorry I did this, but as we continued talking ( As it was so long as I forgot almost all the other details then those I am most concerned about) I touched her and put one of my hands into the back of her pnts and touched her bottom. Although I don;t think she minded ( she didn't say anything or move, and she haden't shown any signs of discomfort since I had kissed her or after touching her. I asked the friend whom I was with and he said she seemed fine and 'content' with the situation). We later parted ways and I left home. I have no idea who the girl...
2007-12-03 10:08:25 · update #1
was now and I wouldn't know her to see her any more. I would never touch a woman in any manner if she asked me to stop or not to.
I am so ashamed of what I have done! My best friends are feminists and I respect and admire them, as I have for YEARS! and for me to do something like this is the most vile, shamefull thing I could imagine.
My mental problems have only went on with this problem for the last month. Something sparked it in my mind.
Before that I was fine and could live normally.
I felt bad about the event but more stupid than anything.
Now I have switched to guilt and at one point just felt I was a monster who didn't deserve life.
I'm feeling more confident now- But I figure any help is help, right?
2007-12-03 10:08:41 · update #2
I feel terrible guilt about the event. How do I know she's alright? How do I know that I can ever forgive myself?
I want to go back to normal life but I can't fully convince myself I'm a good person.
2007-12-03 10:08:56 · update #3
My biggest concern and problem is this-
I can't stop thinking about the idea that she was hurt, feels depressed, etc about it (although I have no reasonable reason to beleive this)
I have problems with reoccouring and irrational thought and I want to get counciling for it but I live in a small town and I am ashamed.
I just feel like I need someone to talk to about this and try to get all the negative emotion out and let my healing begin, but on the other hand i also feel like, I messed up and deserve it , you know?
2007-12-03 10:24:40 · update #4
well i dont think giving up drinking all together was necessary.. i just think u should know your limitations since then.. I also don't think u should beat yourself up about this, especially a year later. i understand that you must feel really bad about it but dwelling on the past won't make things better. Just learn from your mistakes and try to move on.. i heard a quote once and i think it will help you.. "Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you will become"
I would forgive you... everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance... it's up to you to give yourself that second chance
2007-12-03 10:18:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey.
I think both of you wanted to take more risks that night…Girls too, like sometimes to act “unusually” on purpose for a night, so they either go for what they want or they encourage their partner to make it happen…In your case, I don’t think she minded it at all…she just let her self flow…and just like you, she didn’t want more…
The point is, since both of you took risks; each one is living the experience and its consequences. It made you change and decide not to drink much again or make such moves to women…As for her, we’ll never know.. But she’s probably thinking I shouldn’t drink either that much and allow those behaviors…Or she could just be telling her friends with a big smile how for one day she just let go of all the society chains and acted crazy and let a complete stranger get really intimate with her…
And maybe if one day she was going through “an everyday boring routine”, this might actually be a nice memory…
I know that it’s probably the real sensation that is making you feel bad, coz if you only touched her jeans it wouldn’t have had that effect on you…But just think that, that night she was actually your girlfriend who wants you to go far with her, especially that she agreed on that behavior
From what you said it wasn’t at all “sexual harassment”. And unless she’s a minor and your not, it won’t have a devastating effect on her feminine life… my guess is no matter how she’s taking it, she’s ok
I don’t think you should be punishing yourself for what she allowed you to do…just focus on weather you want to be that guy again or not…and as I you said you don’t want to…
Life has her own way of teaching us about ourselves…
2007-12-03 11:02:16 · answer #2 · answered by gunsnroses 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol tends to remove our inhibitions. What you did was not the "real" you but the alcohol.
First you NEES to forgive yourself. Nothing monetous happened..... Yes you went a little be further than you would have sober.... but you learned your lesson and have stopped drinking....
Forgiver yourself. If you can't then seek counseling... since you live in a small town see if you can't find it in a different town.
It's admirable that you want to save yourself for marriage. You are remorseful of what happened. Everyone occasionally make mistakes. What is important is that you recognize that what happened was not what you consider is "right" for you... So learn the lesson and move on.
2007-12-03 12:03:58 · answer #3 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, I can and can't relate to your story, at first I thought that this story was headed towards some greater evil than most people could deal with like rape or murder, but Jesus don't you think your being a little hard on yourself. Maybe you made this girls day. This is Innocent petting at most. putting yourself through such torture over something so petty is ludicrous. If this is an evil act than I must be the Anti-Christ in the flesh. Get over it.
2007-12-03 10:20:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all the Bible is clear:
Rom 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
God is very aware of the fact that you missed the mark. There is no scale in Heaven measuring your good and your bad. You are a clay pot with a crack in the bottom. The broken pot can't serve its purpose with the crack, and it can't fix itself. The potter must repair it.
God came and died on the cross so that you could be forgiven, so that you can be fixed. So he can come and live in you.
He doesn't want you to feel like you do, he says in his word:
Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jer 29:12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
Jer 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
He doesn't wish that any should perish but that all should come to repentence!
2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us,[2] not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
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God knew he wasn't getting a good deal when he picked you. He knew that you were broken and messed up, and he saw the mistakes you would make in the future.
He laid his life down for you and paid your debt, how much more ought you lay down your life for him?
The wages of sin are death ( Ez. 18 ).
****************************
You CANT work your way into Heaven. Jesus bought you at a price, and gave you life as a gift. But you have to accept it.
He even designed your very good works that you will perform ahead of time.
Eph 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,
Eph 2:9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.
Eph 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
2007-12-03 10:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by Adopted 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. While this wasn't how you usually act, it doesn't seem like she was against it. What would your feminist friends have done if you did the same to them? They would have slapped you in the face (at the least!). This girl continued to talk to you after you put your hands in her pants. I'm no prude but if some guy I wasn't into even TRIED to put his hands in my pants he would have ended up never having kids (if you know what I mean).
You've learned your lesson about drinking but don't worry about not respecting the girl. She would have said something if it offended or upset her.
2007-12-03 10:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by ladyluck 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now is the only reality. The past isn't real. It's all been a dream.
Forgive yourself....
What you think happened, didn't even happen the way you think it happened.
Right now that woman is living her life and you're still back there....
go back and tell yourself to join you. Live now.
2007-12-03 10:38:08 · answer #7 · answered by unseen_force_22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can appreciate your moral dilemma. but if all you did was touch her butt and kiss. clearly she wasn't offended or uncomfortable. you are really beating yourself up over a minor thing.
i'm not trying to trivialize. it really isn't that bad or unforgiveable. people do worse without even batting an eyelash. forgive yourself and move on.
hang tough!
2007-12-03 10:18:00 · answer #8 · answered by Solicia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure. i'm getting swallowed too rapidly in my ethical experience and get in charge without warning on small issues like seeing a peice of paper on the floor and not %. it up and experience like im slowly choking mom earth. i understand, pathetic, maximum appropriate? yet i assume im particularly purely a stable man or woman or if no longer my ethical experience is being all on its all unknown.
2016-11-13 10:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont really know how to respond but just try your hardest to forget about it and change
2007-12-03 10:27:01 · answer #10 · answered by anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋