How do you combat subtle cut downs?

Question

What should you say to someone that is always cutting you down, or saying things to try and make you feel bad in subtle and manipulative ways?

Answer 1

Its not an easy situation to be in, i know... I'm a mature woman and i have a friend who does that to me. People like these are usually very insecure within themselves and need to pass that insecurity off onto someone who they feel threatened and intimated by. And thats us, believe it not. I'm a pretty humble, but comfortable about who i am sort of person. When you are amongst others who are naturally attracted to you and these 'insecure so called friends' can see the attention you pull they love to slice it up by assuming they are embarrassing you, but you know what... people often see through their little game and dont take any notice. Furthermore, this person looks like a right pratt and devalues themselves to the audience they are trying to impress. My way of dealing with it, is laugh a little to myself, because they're doing a good job of looking like a right a*se. Or you could just tell her two very nice words beginning with F and O!! She wouldnt be expecting that!!!

Answer 2

I am not sure if what I do is right or not, or the best way or not, but my style is to directly let the person know that whatever they said affected me, and if they could be a lil more kinder and not sarcastic. Ofcourse, the more familiar I am with the person, the easier it is to voice my opinion frankly.

And my other strategy is to simply nod, smile and move on. I cannot ever become close friends with such a person so it is better to keep them at a distance. But ofcourse, no matter what, always be polite and respectful.

Added: I would also like to say that in some instances, such situations also teach us to not take ourselves too seriously and laugh at ourselves. Sometimes people just say crazy things to be light and it is good to simply laugh it off and forget about it. But the problem comes in when this is happening too often and the person has a malicious intent to make u feel bad.

Answer 3

It's pretty easy, actually. People who do that know precisely what they are doing. They feel that they can get away with it because most people are too polite to call them on it.

To get her to stop, simply call her on it. Sometime when she has not actually insulted you, ask to speak with her privately, then tell her that you don't appreciate they way she cuts you down and that you feel she tries to make you feel bad in subtle ways, and that it needs to stop.

She will, of course, deny this. Tell her that's fine, but from now on she really should be careful of how she speaks to you then, because it comes across as insulting.

Then, the next time she does it, you can say, "Oh, there! That's what I was talking about! When you said XXX, it seemed that you meant to insult me/make me feel bad. That is the sort of thing that I am talking about."

If she accuses you of being overly sensitive, oh well. There are worse things in the world than being accused of being sensitive.

Otherwise, however, I would just stop spending time with her, if that is possible.

Answer 4

As for the Vietnam Vets, Ann Coulter pronounced of them 'no ask your self you men lost!' Are they offended approximately that? see you later as we enable ourselves to be manipulated with such meaningless issues to despite if somebody buys a pin that's made in China depicting the yank flag, we can proceed to lose our liberty. by using the way, i'm no longer balloting for him for different motives. My candidate, Chris Dodd, is ultimate in on that magic 2%. Yippee!!!!!

Answer 5

You can either be sarcastic, cut them down or do the grown up thing and address the person and let them know that you do not appreciate their comments and to stop.

If they continue then try to seperate yourself from that person.

Answer 6

I would just call them on it: "Wow, that was mean, why would you say that?" or "Gee, what did I do to deserve THAT?" or something else to that end. Don't be snide, just forthright and genuinely puzzled. They are trying to be sneaky, to putting them out in the open usually takes them way off balance and may shut them up for good.

Answer 7

Pray over that person. It heaps burning coals on them.

Answer 8

Kill that person with kindness. The more he/she is unpleasant with you, the friendlier you become.

It works.

Answer 9

cut them down full throttle back....


Like if they say: DID you get that shirt at Walmart?

REPLY: NO actually, I borrowed it FROM you....REMEMBER?