I have a friend I hang out with every Friday... like clockwork... for the past 3.5 years.
She recently got engaged, and although I didn't expect to be her Maid of Honor, I did sort of expect to be asked to be a bridesmaid. But she didn't ask.
Even weirder is that I know she confides in me things that the Maid of Honor doesn't know about her relationship with her husband to be.
Then a week later she then rudely requested a very specific and fairly expensive gift for Christmas-- telling me she had gotten me something for Christmas at the outlets.
I'm sort of wondering, should I tell her that I'm just disappointed or should I just try to ignore the controlling behavior she's exhibiting?
2007-12-03 08:32:07 · 42 answers · asked by Petunia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sounds like Bridezilla!
Tell her how you feel. Perhaps she is pressured to use family members in her wedding party and she is only limited to that. Express to her that you would love to be part of her wedding party and you were hurt when she decided not to choose you. Give her the opportunity to defend herself. If her answer is not to your satisfaction then be honest with her about it and move forward.
I think this is the best thing to do at this point, but hold off on present swapping to assure you are not getting used.
2007-12-03 08:38:01 · answer #1 · answered by Sassy Shut Your Mouth 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All right. This is going to sound like a psychiatrist, but I think you should tell her what you feel- I agree making someone your maid of honor who isn't sure about their relationship & then asking for an expensive gift. Tell her this ( the Liz part will be her name): Liz, I know this might sound a bit selfish, but I think it is rude that you didn't invite me to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. I mean, we have been hanging out for 3 and a half years! And you give the maid of honor part to someone who is kind of mean to you! Then you ask me for an expensive present, so now I kind of feel I'm losing you, and you are using me. If you are going to keep being this way, then I guess maybe we shouldn't be friends if you are going to use me. Just please be honest!
Ok that's what you should say, you could mix it up a bit, but try not to blame her and use I instead of you. Tell her how you feel. And let her talk.
2007-12-03 08:47:44 · answer #2 · answered by Lizay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to her. With weddings, there are always things going on that you may not know about. I wanted to have about 8 bridesmaids, but my husband only had one close friend to be his best man. I ended up with having my two best friends as Maids of Honor and trying to find other things for my other friends to do. She may have committments to family members, or friends that already had her in their wedding. You never know. Try not to take that personally.
Talk to her about the wedding. Weddings are not something to get into a tizzy over, especially if they aren't yours. The bride is stressed enough trying to make "her day" but make her parents happy, his parents happy, blah, blah, blah. Cut her some slack with the wedding issues. The bottom line is, it's her day, she can do whatever the heck she wants. As you should whenever you get married. That is the way it should be.
As far as the rudeness with the Christmas gift, just look at that as a separate issue. Deal with that however you normally would, whether or not she is getting married. Tell you can't get it, or can't afford it, or that you will get her what you can afford and it is rude of her to expect otherwise. You can have a bridal registry, but not a Christmas one.
2007-12-03 08:46:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her behavior, let her be a crazy bride and just keep your cool!
She probably has sisters, sister-in-laws, cousins, childhood friends, etc that have to be bridesmaids before you would be.
It's best not to be a bridesmaid anyway, that way you can wear whatever you want and not spend a fortune on dress you hate.
My younger sister was my maid-of-honor, and it was b/c she was the closest female family member - not b/c I tell her the intimate details of my marriage!
Don't take it personally, it has nothing to do with you, this is all about her and her big day, as it should be!
2007-12-03 08:48:17 · answer #4 · answered by Shana B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you feel about your friendship with her. You talked a lot here about what she has confided in you, what she has told you to buy her for Christmas...does she listen to you and your problems? I had a friend like this once. I was asked to be in her wedding though, just to do the guestbook however. I attended all the parties and did all the things a good friend would do, but then she just really never seemed to care about me...I decided that I deserved a better friend than that. Maybe you should just not be there on Friday...
2007-12-03 08:37:44 · answer #5 · answered by *Almost ready* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she/he have sisters?
Are her parents paying for the wedding - or his?
3 and a half years is not long - every Friday only equals 182 days over 3.5 yrs.
The Christmas Gift - get what you choose and can afford! and ignore the behavior - unless it becomes a problem for you.
Your disappointment is only your reaction to a situation you expected to be included in by her past confidences.
2007-12-03 08:47:22 · answer #6 · answered by AussieLady 58 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't ignore her behavior if your hurt. I would try and sit down with her on one of your friday night outings. But be prepared because some brides get to be like bridezilla (yes it is a show on WE I belive) and they think they are the best and they have to have the best and everyone around them has to like it so it might backfirer in your face because if she is being that way then it could def. hurt your friendship (not like she didn't do that already) but she just may be on some far out cloud thinking of herself and only herself at this point in time. But it is a hard call to make the best advice ever is to go out on your friday night "date" and bring up the subject of the wedding plans ask how they are going. Ask about the girls in the party and then if things aren't too hair raising ask why you were asked to be in the wedding party? Good Luck!
2007-12-03 08:44:26 · answer #7 · answered by Starsky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know this is such a tricky area, I have a similar issue going on. You try your hardest not to let it effect you but it does. And everyone will tell you that it is her wedding. Sometimes you can't help how you feel. My sister was my maid of honour. I asked her on the day we got engaged now that she is engaged her fiance is talking all about his best man and their groomsmen but she says she doesn't want anyone next to her. It is a very sensitive issue. I am really hurt over this and who knows she may ask me in the future but it is hard not to be upset. Good luck
2007-12-03 08:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough spot to be in. Something similar happened with a close friend of mine, but I decided not to let it ruin our friendship, despite the fact that I was very hurt. But, in planning my own wedding, I'm starting to see how difficult it is to make a decision about bridesmaids (so much so, that I just have ONE now!!). It's very hard to choose...because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but sometimes you have to. You may want to wait until after the wedding to make any "hasty" decisions. She's probably pretty stressed out right now and needs your support.
2007-12-03 09:01:39 · answer #9 · answered by ~Gemini~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the whole story but you have to put yourself in her situation. You can not ask everyone to be in your wedding. If you are her friend you should understand, be by her for her wedding and support her decision. You can tell her you are a little disappointed that you weren't asked but don't make her feel bad. I had a really tough time choosing because I couldn't have a few close friends by my side, they understood though. Its her day, let her choose and I'm sure she wants you to be part of her day in other ways.
2007-12-04 00:20:34 · answer #10 · answered by ttc #2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋