I am an atheist. What can I tell my children when they start asking about death?

Question

The answer is simple for those with religious beliefs. But, what about people like myself who do not believe in a religion or an afterlife? How can I talk about death to my children?

Answer 1

Just say you don't know if there is or isn't an afterlife (and that's the truth anyway).

There's no point trying to enforce opinions onto your children - if you do believe or do not believe, your child has to make up their own mind about which they really want to have faith in.

Answer 2

The answer is not simple for religionists, they just have a ready, pat answer that is soothing if accepted.

They are already familiar with death, they just haven't personalized it. They've seen dead leaves, they know they are dead leaves, will never be green again, will eventually decay away. If they've had goldfish or other pets they have likely been exposed to death in that form as well. All things die is the lesson they first need to learn. This will, of course, lead to "will I die?" and the only possible answer is "yes."

Here is where the religionists have it easy: "yes, but God will take you to his bosom and you will live forever." As an atheist, though, that doens't work. I suggest the agnostic approach. "Yes, but no one knows what happens after death. You are more than a leaf or a goldfish or even your dog. You as a human have something that no other living creature on this earth possesses; perhaps that also means that death is different for humans, that we live on in another way. But the fact is, no one knows for sure - only those who have died can give us the answer and it appears communication does not exists across that barrier."

That is perhaps the only thing religion really gives: the ability to have a pat, easy answer to life's difficult questions thus relieving one of the necessity of trying to find a true answer.

Answer 3

This is a difficult topic, and I'm glad I don't have kids yet because I haven't quite figured out how I'll explain death to them.

Here's what I would say: Death is a natural process and everybody dies. There is nothing wrong with being afraid of death, and there's nothing wrong with being afraid of losing the people you love. But it's important to remember than when people die their "spirit" (metaphorically) lives on through the people who loved them and remember them. (I might leave that last sentence out depending on whether or not your child/children are at an age where they can understand the metaphor.)

I think you can also tell them that death is what makes life special. If we were always alive, then the short time we have on Earth wouldn't be as meaningful as it is. (Again, this is probably better explained to more mature children.)

Good luck dealing with this complex and difficult situation.

Answer 4

I think you should present both sides of the coin to your children. Tell them your beliefs but explain to them that there other views on the subject. Give them the basic knowledge of religions and let them make up their own minds about God and the afterlife.

Answer 5

An atheist is someone who does not believe in any kind of god or religion.

I am an atheist.

I suggest you tell your children that (according to our atheistic believes) we humans are part of the Cycle of Life of our Planet, and like any other life form, we were born, we live then we die. This is quite a natural process.


To very young children, who haven't seen a corpse yet (thankfully), I think it is important to lie to them, so that their sensibility is preserved (they are too young).

I usually tell them that the (died) person did a very long journey, that they won't ever see that person again, and that she/he has become a new star in the sky now.

Kids can watch the night sky, have some interest to astronomy and keep a beautiful remembrance of the dead person.

This is a kind of fairy tale that respects the young children's pace. And when they get older, the children understand by themselves, at school, and so on.

I think it is important to bring a planetary overview of the cycle of life. I think it brings a pragmatic perspective on "death".

We were born, we live then we die on a Planet.


I hope this will help you... :-)

Answer 6

Tell them what you believe but allow them to understand that you dont really know because you have not experienced death to know for certain. Tell them also that the majority of humankind from the beginning of existence has always believed in some Higher Power and that because of those beliefs many people have different views of the afterlife.

As an atheist you believe in goodness and doing the right thing...teach them what you know is true its all you can do...and although you dont believe this, God will take care of the rest. pls allow your children to discover Him - unless of course you are positive that knowing God will turn them evil.

I believe in one God. He is a living God. He says the afterlife is a choice. there is nothing to fear if one believes in Him. Give your children the choice to believe. it is your teachings that will influence their desire to seek Him or not.

Answer 7

Who says it is simple for religious people? Kids tend to ask the blindingly obvious questions that most people ignore because of the difficult answers.

I tell my kids that death is an end - non existence. I also try to explain why this makes life so precious to me. This life is all we get, whatever we want to do, whatever legacy we want needs to be done in our time here. No second chances, no practice for the next life, get it right this time or live (or die) with the consequences.

Answer 8

Congratulate them, first. It takes a certain maturity to be ready to ask such question.

Here's one possible scenario/script:
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Isn't living wonderful! It gives us a chance to learn, to love, to build, to enjoy. I really like to focus on living more than dying, because any time we spend focusing on death kind of steals from the life we have an opportunity to have now.

However, when I do think about death, I think about the way that all the chemicals and energies that have come together to make every living creature. Those chemicals have existed for millions of years, but they've never been combined in quite this way before. So every apple tree, every cricket, every robin, and every person is a unique combination of chemistry and energy.

But every combination can only last a while. Eventually the chemicals and energy will run their course, and other processes will be ready to use them when they run out. That's why we are not piled high with apples with crickets, or with robins. Processes, like living, run their course. So even though it's not fun to think about, every thing that comes together in a way that allows it to live, also has to eventually wear out, and when that happens, the living ends. The chemicals go on, but they cannot carry memories on their own, because memories die, too, when the living stops.

That's one of the reasons I'm so glad that we've learned to write. So that our ideas can outlive us. We can share the things we've learned with other people, those whose lives had not even begun when we were alive.
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I hope this helps.

Answer 9

Well, you are going to have to tell them what you believe. Wouldn't that make sense? What do you know about death? All you can do is either tell them what you believe, or investigate your own beliefs to make a determination that you believe in. I think if you tell them somethingyou don't believe you will confuse them more later in life. If the child is in their teens, you could actually say, this is what I believe........., but some believe that......... , it seems like you are talking about smaller children though.

I would love to tell you to tell them that Jesus makes it possible to go to heaven, but how could you do that if it is not what you believe?

I am a Christian, so you are right, for me it is simple, my belief is that those that are saved go to heaven , those that are not, do not go to heaven but go tho hell.

Answer 10

Tell them that they have been asleep for forty million centuries, and now they're awake - they have the whole world to enjoy with all its riches, all human achievement, and millions of people like them to share it with - and that death when it comes in eight or nine decades, will return them to that state again. They are priviliged to a glimmer of eternity on this amazing planet and must make the most of it. Life is the most valuable thing we have and must be treasured.

Answer 11

I tell them that everything dies, and its part of the circle of life. Basically, everything eventually turns to dirt...everything, even rocks. As for what happened to your spirit before or after your life here, I tell them what I believe, and I tell them what some others believe. I don't tell them any one thing is absolutely right or wrong, but I don't know as I am not currently dead ;-) But be honest, and represent more than one view, and they will have a health attitude toward the subject. When they are older, they can investigate it further and formulate their own religious or non-religious opionions.