Has anyone out there been in a marriage where the husband no longer trys hard at resolving conflict, and instead just avoids it. I can remember when my husband and I would always talk out our problems and when he cared just as much if not more than I did about resolving them. He has always been stubborn though and stood for days in the past not speaking to me.I am afraid that by me most always being the one to give in to his stubborness that I have made him too sure of me and now acts not to care to work on the marriage. He treats me nice and polite but does not even bring up the argument and does not make any effort to resolve it. We just talk as if nothing has happened. I am beginning to feel so sad, alone, like he does not care. How does a girl get her husband to not be too sure of her? My question probably sounds dumb, but I am serious, this is making me feel not cared for and taken for granted. He acts nice but does not show motivation or concern.
2007-12-03 08:15:55 · 14 answers · asked by pictureshygirl 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everyone is giving such wonderful answers and are very helpful. I had decided to not let my husband's indifference bother me and have gone on with my life as cheerful as I can be. This has been working, as he now is coming around to thinking more about our marriage. I am doing things that make me happy and not letting his avoiding me bother me as much. keep the answers to my question coming as I do appreciate any input from you people out there.
2007-12-04 03:38:16 · update #1
I know how you feel... Partly I think it is our problem (women in general) - we always want to talk things out... However, that is the only way to keep a relationship from deteriorating!!!
So, it's an oxymoron - partners should talk issues out to keep communication lines open and keep the feeling of security - BUT - men can get overwhelmed with this talking - because for some dumb reason they feel like everything we say that isn't wonderful about them is a shot at their manhood - ugh... So, if they avoid the confrontation - they get to feel like they are doing a good job - if they have to deal with issues - then they feel like they must be failing... However, they fail to realize if they don't work things out with their woman it is worse than failing - because it builds and builds until we are trying to find a way out - quietly.
If you use to cry a lot, but now your not - you are there already...
Men are so stupid sometimes - but I guess no more stupid than woman are - just in other ways.
Good luck...
2007-12-03 08:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by lilwoman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that happen to me and my husband sometime in the marriage. He got tired of me talking of some issues that he know this will lead to an argument. He is a loving husband but he said he cannot stand arguing. What i do now is, i tell him what the issue is and if he doesn't say anything i just keep quiet. I am tired of arguing as well.
Your husband must be nice. Ask him what made him change. Maybe he just want to make easy or make life easier because life is too short to keep discussing problems on and on again.
2007-12-03 10:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by margarita lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wrote "where the husband no longer tries hard at resolving conflict, and instead just avoids it."
This could be the result of too many minor conflicts. Try to accept minor annoyances and move on with life. There are more important things than where he puts his dishes in the dishwasher.
Try celebrating his good points and she what type of attention you get. Complement his for being a good provider for your family. Complement him for coming home from work and not clubbing around. Try your husband like a King and you will have the throne of a Queen.
2007-12-03 08:34:51 · answer #3 · answered by sad_state_of_affairs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gonna be having problem with anything for the rest of ur life sister so welcome to marriage hood but the thing is that same arguements get old so sometimes u have to agree to disagree. I'm sure you don't want to live the rest of ur days keeping score and feel unhappy marriage just gets everyone comfortable well those that are married just keep peace and love and sex don't go to bed all upset and angry that will only give you wrinkles and bags in the morning.
2007-12-03 08:26:36 · answer #4 · answered by bustnloose_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may not sound like it works but it does. Start caring about yourself, more than you care about what emotion he's giving you. Do things that make you happy, get new friends, have a good time. Ignore him, I give him a week, of you acting like you don't care and doing what makes you happy, he will begin too notice a change, and he will change. Just try it, it costs nothing!
2007-12-03 11:31:06 · answer #5 · answered by beautiful806 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who usually starts the conflicts? I've been in a relationship where, no matter what or how I do something, it's not to the satisfaction of my mate. So yes, giving up to avoid constant conflicts is normal!
It doesn't mean the love is gone, it just means a "no win" situation!
I'm not siding, but the change may need to start with you!
2007-12-03 08:31:27 · answer #6 · answered by david 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, you caused part of the problem. By giving in and not taking yourself seriously. My ex mother-in-law told me one time that my ex father-in-law didn't talk to her for a week. And she was so sad. I told her instead of being sad, she should have called the moving company and start to move their stuff. I will like to see him giving her the silent treatment then! We both thought it was so funny. Do you have kids? Kids will do thing if they know it pushes you buttons. Do you know why your husband is this way? Because he knows you go for that and you will give in. Well don't give in, if he does not talk to you, go about your own way. Do your thing, move about the house singing and just be as happy as you can be. He'll be the one giving in.
2007-12-03 08:30:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is bored in the relationship maybe ya'll need to try to spice things up a bit...in the bedroom and out...if that doesn't work try some counseling
2007-12-03 08:39:43 · answer #8 · answered by Michele H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but when people stop trying it is because they don't care anymore. It has nothing to do with wether they win the arguement or not they just don't care about the fight or the marriage.
2007-12-03 08:21:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are going to need some couple's therapy so that the two of you can work on the communication skills and strategies. If he won't go with you, go by yourself.
2007-12-03 08:22:28 · answer #10 · answered by Windi Lea 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋